Growing up inDisneyland

        I don’t think my story is all that unique. As a matter of fact, I’m sure most people have some amazing stories to tell by the time they hit 40. What makes my story kind of amazing is the fact that I emerged from one of those dysfunctionalOrangeCountyhouseholds a well adjusted and happy woman. Read my tale and judge for yourself if it was strength or simply fate that saved me.

On October 1st, 1964 at 2:00 am, I entered the world at St. Jude’s Hospital inFullerton,California. My mom told me I was born early. Always a sensitive question for Mom considering my parents were married March 21st, 1964. I’d say I was a bit early! Mom refused to discuss the matter out of embarrassment I’m sure. Hell, I didn’t care. I figured I was a New Year’s Eve party baby and I thought it gave me a little something extra special. My Dad always said I was conceived in the back of his Corvette, and he never let me forget the fact that he had to sell it after I was born. I always reminded him of the shear logistics of being conceived in the back of a two-seater, yet he stuck to his story. My parents began their journey in a tiny apartment inAnaheim, just a few blocks away from Disneyland. They were young, in love, and had no idea that life wouldn’t turn out as they planned. Seriously, who does at twenty-four? It wasn’t long until they needed a bigger place. Besides the obvious reason of not being able to afford the beach, they moved inland to Ontario to be close to my Mom’s parents. It was cheap, close to a babysitter, and far enough away from my Dad’s parents inLaguna Beach. They rented a little pink house on Flora Street. I look back at it now and see that it was a tiny house in quite a sketchy neighborhood, but back then I thought it was a mansion. I loved the big back yard with the swing set, pool, and a long driveway to play on. I remember my room being 3 different colors and hardwood floors. Oh what I’d give to have the luxury of hardwood floors now. That floor was kind of painful the time I fell out of bed late one night when the 1971 Sylmar earthquake rocked our house. It knocked the pots and dishes out of the cupboards in the kitchen, and gave the entire family a middle of the night scare. I’ll never forget a line from a Jimmy Buffett song “Fruitcakes” where he describesCaliforniaas “Shake and bake life with the quakes, the secret’s in the crust.” Jimmy got it right. We made our move to OrangeCounty(appropriately nicknamed the “OC”) in the summer before third grade. They bought a cute 1400 square foot house in an up and coming community called Laguna Niguel. Mom and Dad raised us in this modest home with everything I could have asked for. Yet they always talked about how poor they were. I suppose it was because they spent all their money on my brother and me. I felt like I had everything money could buy except for sanity and stability.

On a low traffic day, we lived only 45 minutes away fromDisneyland, and thanks to my mother’s summer job with a cheerleading camp, we were able to visit the park for free as often as we wished. The owner of the camp was a choreographer for many of the parades. It was probably the only time I was the envy of all my friends.

Ours was one of the first houses on the street and my younger brother, Michael and I had endless fun playing in the construction zone. Life was so different back then. Kids could be free to play away from the house, walk to school on their own, and ride their bikes where ever they wanted to. In today’s world, young children don’t always walk to school or to the store by themselves without fear of being kidnapped or molested. It’s such a different world now. I’m sure my parents thought the same thing comparing the 70’s with the 50’s. Michael and I were so lucky to have all that freedom.

I’ve heard people call the entire state ofCalifornia“Disneyland” and part of that nickname is dead on. Californians have a different way of looking at the world. Our attitudes and speech patterns stand out to the rest. After living inColoradonow for 20 years, I have found myself out of place when I visitCali. Getting passed up on the freeways like I was standing still. I had forgotten how aggressive and impatientCaliforniadrivers are. Another trait I’ve long since forgotten is that people are caught up in their own worlds in the OC. The idea that what happens in the house, stays in the house is certainly not unique to my family. No one else is to know another family’s personal business, and I respected that until my college years. Most don’t stop to smell the roses or lend a helping hand to others. Of course there are the exceptions, but for the most part, people are so busy making the money necessary to afford their million dollar homes that life passes them by. After I moved toColorado, I realized how fast paced and self-centered Californian’s are. I speak from experience as, admittedly, I was the same way.

Life in the OC

            “Welcome toCalifornia, now go home!” was the bumper sticker found on many aCaliforniacar. To this day, movies and television shows influence people from around the world to settle there. My 17 year old daughter used to want to make her life there and swim with the dolphins. But after dealing with the traffic and high prices, she’s changed her mind. I have to tell you that so many of the stereotypes ofOrangeCountyare so hauntingly accurate. One would wake up every morning and wonder if the temperature would be 70 or 71 degrees. Flip flops were the daily shoes of choice. Tennis shoes were reserved for sports or the occasional trip to theSaddlebackMountainsfor a hike. Winter coats were owned by skiers or transplants from other states. It’s a county where the rich and paranoid had earthquake insurance just in case the “big one” ever hit.

Orange County was made up of two distinct classes. The rich who own everything and the poor who served the rich, and my father was the latter. He was a trusted auto mechanic who was well known for taking good care of the cars inLaguna Beach. It was odd growing up around all that wealth. My family was by no means poor, yet we led a completely different lifestyle. Driving aroundOrangeCountywas a variable tour of ying and yang. I drove my old ’71 Chevy Malibu next to a Mercedes or a Porsche. My high school parking space, labeled “My Malibu”, was nestled in between a convertible and another sports car. I wasn’t embarrassed, just happy to own a car at sixteen. With the exception ofOrangeCounty, the state was full of progressive and forward thinkers. Cities likeLos AngelesandSan Franciscowere full of like-minded people striving to change the world. I grew up in a somewhat different atmosphere. The extreme wealth ofOrangeCountymade it a highly conservative area. In one of my many jobs, I remember struggling to sell the Orange Country edition of the LA Times newspaper to anyone living in the OC. The Times was a considered a very liberal paper and I surely didn’t make much in commissions! I seemed to fit in politically because I was leaning towards my parent’s conservative viewpoints. I voted for Regan because my parents did and I thought he wasn’t too bad looking for an old guy. Thankfully college opened my eyes. Once I started at Cal State Fullerton, I made a 360 degree turn in my political and social views. In retrospect, I’d have to say my life was completely changed after I finished my bachelor’s degree. I’m sure that I wasn’t the only one who felt like I never really fit in. To this day, with such a mixture of viewpoints,Californiais like a wildDisneylandride and it’s unique from any other state.

A Writer without Talent

            A bedroom provides a young girl’s only true privacy. It’s a place where she can truly be herself. For me, it was a place where I could close the door and escape to my own world. When I was twelve, I pretty much stole my mother’s old manual Smith-Corona typewriter and locked myself in my room on a regular basis. I put many a callus on my fingers typing on that old manual typewriter, and to this day I kick myself for throwing it away. I found out at an early age that I had a burning passion for something that I had absolutely no talent for. Living without talent never stopped me, though. Writing has always given me an outlet of pure joy and a sense of release to this day. I didn’t care if another living soul read my work. It has always been a pleasure to commit my thoughts to paper.

I wonder how many otherOrangeCountykids grew up as I did, skirting insanity throughout the years. How many kids had Thanksgiving turkeys end up tossed out the back door instead of on the dinner table? How many kids saw WAY too much of their parents during their wild parties. The extreme disparity between the rich and the poor created a dysfunctional environment for many children to grow up in. Whether rich or poor, growing up inOrangeCountywas a daily adventure. These adventures I have to share helped form the person I am today. Some were rather ordinary, while others were honestly pretty shocking. Sit back and picture in your mind what my life was like in my OC.

The Societies VS the Farmers

My two sets of Grandparents were the perfect example of the disparity of the “have” and the “have nots” ofOrangeCounty. There were the Gwinn’s, my father’s parents, who were known to my brother and me as Dot and Big Grandpa. I’ve nicknamed them “The Societies”. Then there were the Beal’s, my mother’s parents, whom the Gwinn’s had not so lovingly nicknamed “The Farmers.” My mother and father came from opposite worlds to clash in a dysfunctional marriage of sporadic happiness and turmoil.

The Societies

            Dot wouldn’t allow her grandchildren to call her grandma, I assume from being stricken by extreme vanity. Her real name was Dorthea White. I remember my grandma Dot as a prim and proper disciplinarian who would never wear the same outfit more than twice. If any of you have seen the grandmother on the show “Gilmore Girls,” you’d have a clear image of Grandma Dot. She was extremely classy, as was her mother, Katherine White. My grandfather was born William Maddison Gwinn, but was known to the rest of the world as the somewhat famous TV star Bill Gwinn. He refused to talk about his parents and it’s sad that I know nothing of his childhood. We knew him as the “everything will work out”, easy going Big Grandpa. No matter what the situation, he would promise that the turmoil wasn’t worth the stress and that everything would work out with a little patience. He was brilliant at advising others of this motto, but not too competent at following his own advice. He spent his younger years traveling the world playing saxophone and doing radio shows. He later found his nitch on radio and TV. Bill Gwinn was known mostly to people a couple generations before mine. He was famous for his radio show “The Bill Gwinn Show,” “What’s the Name of that Song,” and “Day in Court.” What’s the name of that Song made him a household name as the smooth talking game show host. All that I remember was his Sunny Delight and Beekins commercials and his occasional guest star roles on Death Valley Days. I remember telling my Grandma, oh I hope he doesn’t fall off that horse! They had the most incredible life of wealth and society. They were both from the Bay Area inNorthern California. Big Grandpa was fromSan Francisco and Dot was fromMenlo Park. Dot taught preschool while Big Grandpa was a college professor. He was a proud graduate of Stanford University, and he’d never let me forget it. He tried throughout my high school years to get me to apply there; little did he realize that neither my brain nor pocketbook could ever make it to such a college.

Dot and Big Grandpa moved fromBeverly Hills, to a small private beach community calle dEmerald Bay in Laguna Beach,California.  Although my memories were not filled with love and warmth, they still had some wonderful moments. The beach house never seemed to be filled with joy. It must have been very difficult for my father and Uncle Mike to grow up in such a sterile, strict environment. I remember the Emerald Bay house very well. It was filled with very beautiful and very modern furniture. I remember the patio had a glass fence around to ensure that the fantastic ocean view was never hindered. The house was so pristine that there were only certain pieces of furniture that children were even allowed to touch, let alone sit on. The living room was completely off limits to my brother and me. I remember it being very large and full of beautiful cream colored furniture. The house had spectacular ocean views from almost 180 degrees of windows. I was allowed in the family room and in one of the bedrooms downstairs. That was it! There was one piece of furniture that I was allowed to touch –Steinway and Sons piano. I have very fond memories of Big Grandpa spending wonderful hours with me sitting at that piano. Dot had such hopes that I would become an accomplished pianist. But after 2 years of piano lessons, I gave it up to roller skate. She always remembered how much I loved the piano and left it to me when she passed away. I have it still in my living room and it one of my most treasured possessions.

However, my grandma spent a great deal of time taking care of things, which gave me ample time to investigate the entire house. Little did she know that I had explored every inch of the house and garden. It was such a unique old house with back rooms and closets galore. I knew the gardener pretty well because I was always sneaking out to the yard to explore. It never lasted long enough though. Dot seems to always track me down. I also remember how my Barbie dolls provided hours and hours of entertainment for me. I used build little imaginary homes and forts with the elaborate cat scratching posts they had. Their cat Singey meant the world to them, although she detested everyone else on the planet. She was a very elegant and snobby Siamese cat whom I wanted so much to pet and play with. Singey was just like the Gwinn house. Cold and untouchable.

I’ve come to realize that my brother was rather terrified of Grandma Dot.  I spent a lot of time with her, while my brother rarely visited. Unfortunately for Michael, I was the little girl Dot never had. She treated Mike like a second class grandchild. She hardly paid any attention to him and practically ignored him at Christmas and birthdays. No doubt this contributed to one of the biggest differences between my wonderful brother and me. I always stood up for myself. I was very strong. To this day, Michael is a gentle soul that would never harm a flea. He really never did stand up for himself. I endured many spankings from Dot because I didn’t do what I was told, yet I wouldn’t back down. This was one of the reasons why I didn’t mind spending time with the “society grandparents.” I could handle myself.

Although Grandma Dot was quite strict, she loved me with all her heart the only way she knew how. Lucky for me she had passed along some rules of etiquette and manners. She impressed upon me the importance of staying out of the sun and staying away from drugs. Another attribute she passed down to me was her love for being a party hostess. It must be in my blood to throw parties because I endeavor to make throwing parties a grand event, even if it’s just for a few people. Every detail planned and prepared. She was my party planning idol.

One of the most vivid memories I have of Dot and Big Grandpa were their elaborate parties. Dot entertained like no one I’ve ever known. From what I’ve heard, they used to have many well-known celebrities attend their parties. William Shatner, Merv Griffin, and I’m sure plenty of others. Dot told me that William Shatner often partied and stayed over night after some of their wilder gatherings. Grandpa thought Shatner was an intelligent and entertaining young man. Knowing what a Star Trek fan I was, she somehow loved to shatter my image of Captain Kirk by telling me over and over how bald he was. Probably one of the main sources of celebrity connections came from an exclusive club Big Grandpa belonged to. The very exclusive and secretive all men’s club called the Bohemian Grove in Northern California. Only one day a year they would allow women for the weekend, otherwise, it was an exclusive men’s club dating back to the turn of the century. My lucky mother had the chance to visit one such weekend and described the Grove as a backwoods playground for the rich and famous. Legend is that the most powerful men meet once a year and many of the most important world’s decisions are made during this once a year event.  Apparently clothes were optional at this rustic get away. Big Grandpa would definitely fit right in. Grandpa partied with other members such as Ronald Regan and Richard Nixon. Apparently he often spoke very highly of them both. He was regular fishing buddies with Ansel Adams, Clark Gable, and John Wayne. He was very good friends with Andy Devine, Hop a long Cassidy, and Merv Griffin.  He also worked with Andy Devine and famous daytime TV producer Selig Seligman. Grandpa appeared on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson to promote his game show. I wish I’d had the opportunity to see that episode.

As a kid, I did what I could to entertain myself at these parties. I would bring plenty of things to do and stay in the spare bedroom. Children at these parties were not to be seen nor heard. Therefore I would take it upon myself to spy on the guests. I saw women in beautiful dresses, very strange foods that I wouldn’t have liked anyways, and lots and lots of alcohol. There were drinks of every kind and everyone seemed to always have a wonderful time. The most memorable part of one party was the time when Big Grandpa had had enough. He was tired and it was time for bed. He never excused himself; he just retired to his bedroom. A few minutes later he came out in nothing but his boxer shorts and bid his guests farewell. Apparently this had happened on more than one occasion and his friends were all familiar with his antics.

One of the most obscure traits my grandmother had was that she had a schedule for EVERYTHING! Down to what time of the day we would have to go number two! She wouldn’t allow us to leave the restroom until we had “taken care of business.” Well I can promise that a child’s body—let alone ANY human body just doesn’t work on a set schedule like that. But the pressure she used to put on us was rather terrifying. It’s just another reason why father made his way in to adulthood with so many problems.

Dot passed away in 1987 and Big Grandpa lived on to be ninety-three. Obviously living large didn’t affect him in the least. He ate and drank to his heart’s desire. I attribute his calm and carefree attitude of “It’ll all work out” to his wonderful long life. He knew how to enjoy himself and never allowed anything nor anyone to get in his way. I wish I could be more like him, but unfortunately, I’m more like a Beal. Anxious and hyper twenty-four/seven, finally taking meds for anxiety years later.

Bill and Dot had two children, my father, William and Michael. They barely remember their brief time in Beverly Hills, and spent most of their childhood growing up in Laguna Beach, California. They were surrounded by the wealth and eccentricities of the charming city of Laguna Beach. These eccentricities greatly influenced my uncle Mike. He was engrossed completely in the ideals and, unfortunately drugs, of the 60’s. He’s a very talented musician, has a heart of gold, and has been surfing and skiing even in to his late sixties! He was always my favorite uncle. My father, however, grew up on the other end of the spectrum. His creatively was discouraged and stunted. He followed his father’s footsteps and took up acting throughout high school, and was very talented. Unfortunately, his father didn’t encourage him nor my uncle in the arts. He didn’t want any of his family members any where near Hollywood. He even refused to help me with my screenplays when I was trying to find an agent.

My father, William Charles Gwinn, Jr. He grew up on the sets of Hollywood and missed out on the love and fun of a normal childhood. He later told me that Hollywood was such a detrimental place for a child to be exposed to. He was constantly offered alcohol and drugs. My grandparents never attended his sports activities and rarely came to his plays. I’m sure this was another experience that contributed to his growing up a bitter and unhappy old man. He attended Chaffey Jr. College in Ontario, CA, where he met the love of his life, my mother, Lindalee Beal. But Dot and Big Grandpa had other plans for him and yanked him away to University of Oregon to get him away from my mother. To no avail, though. He was in love and dropped out of college a semester before graduation. He may have wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, but Big Grandpa continuously dashed any dreams he had. Dad ended up a dedicated and hard working auto mechanic. He struggled his entire life to make a decent living to provide for his family. He also spent some years managing a Thrifty Drug Store before finding his niche as a mechanic and manager of South Laguna Beach Union gas station. I do have one treasured memory of Dad and Big Grandpa-LA Dodger games! Thanks to Big Grandpa’s money, we generally had seats behind home plate or the dugout. I am a true blue Dodger fan to this day.

It was all such a shame. He had a wonderful singing voice and a great sense of humor, but with crushed dreams and no love and support, he searched for other ways to find happiness. To this day, he has yet to find it.

The Farmers

             The Farmers, as they were called by the Gwinn’s, were my Grandma and Grandpa Beal.  The Gwinn’s somehow regarded them as farmers because they lived in Ontario, California and were never rich with money. They instead were rich with a bounty of love and happiness. As far as I’m concerned, Grandma and Grandpa Beal were the two “richest”  people I’ve ever known. They experienced a lifetime of love and respect that I can compare to my own marriage. Grandma was still in high school when Grandpa started wooing her. To this day, my Mom still has the love letters Grandpa sent to Grandma during their courtship. As a matter of fact, I still have love notes Steve and I wrote to each other on the back of office memo pads! Grandpa even saved his Valentines Day cards from when he was a kid. Sentimental man that he was.

My grandpa, Clyde Dennis Beal was born on a farm in Iowa and had a shoebox for a cradle. He was born only 2 and a half pounds. Some interesting trivia to share was that his great grandfather actually founded Nantucket. I wish I knew more. My grandma, Lois Alice Scherb was born in Conneticut and raised in Pasadena, California. Her grand parents, Herbert and Florence Scherb, came from Germany under the name Von Shermon and had lineage back to a wealthy duke who was ostracized. As did so many back then, they changed their last name to Scherb when they came to America. Florence was nicknamed by my mom as “Mimi” and was the daredevil of the family. Apparently she feared nothing, from a Disneyland ride to a woman speaking her mind!

I thank God for “The Farmers” because without them, I would not be the person I am today. While my parents both worked, I spent my days with Grandma. Grandma and Grandpa Beal instilled in me love and warmth I’d never known in my own household. I’m pretty sure the only hugs I ever felt as a child came from my time with Grandma and Grandpa. Throughout my entire childhood they took me on the most wonderful road trips. They also took my brother and me to San Francisco for our first plane ride, which I’m sure, was at great expense to their pocketbook. My brother was well known for shouting “we’re pulling a wheelie” as the plane took off  They were big fans of Las Vegas, and since it was only a 4 short hour car ride away, they took me there quite often. They took me to fabulous shows like Tom Jones, Englebert Humperdink, and Mac Davis. We stayed at Circus Circus and Motel 6, all heavenly hotels as far as I was concerned. Grandma would play the slots while Grandpa took me around Vegas and showed me the sites. Grandma always made the car trip a treat. She had a bountiful of snacks and fun things to play with. Never could my grandma be found without gum or breath mints in her purse. She was a savy woman with a purse prepared for anything! To this day, Vegas is one of my most favorite vacation spots because of all my wonderful memories. One fateful trip was our visit to the Grand Canyon. I was amazed by how beautiful it was, yet the most memorable part of the trip was the infamous “pink elephant” incident. I don’t remember how old I was, around 10, I guess. We took this tram ride tour around the Grand Canyon and wound up at a gift shop half way through the tour. I found this tiny pink elephant made of marble and chose not to spend my allowance money on it. By the end of the tour, I was so sad that I had not bought it that my grandparents took the freakin’ two hour tour again! What other grandparents would do such a thing just so that I could buy that silly, half inch, and pink elephant? I still have the elephant to this day, displayed prominently on my dresser. It’s one of my most valuable possessions and tears of joy fill my eyes when I think of it. Clearly they would do anything for me, and yet, Grandma was always a firm but loving disciplinarian. Apparently something I was  famous for was my bad attitude. Something I carried with me through my twenties. Any time I wasn’t happy with Grandma’s rules, I would march around the house flipping the nobs up on all the furniture yelling you’re not the boss of me! I wonder how much I’ve really changed. I’m still pretty obstinate when it comes to taking orders.

I spent many weekends at Grandma and Grandpas’ house. I had more fun with them enjoying the simple things like watching TV shows such as Hee Haw and The Mac Davis Show eating popcorn. My mother used to bring me over to Grandma’s on the smog alert days. They had air conditioning with a filter because of her serious asthma condition. In the Los Angeles area, it was commonplace to have smog alerts. Often the smog was so dangerous that children weren’t allowed to go to school and people were cautioned to stay indoors. I remember how much my chest would hurt from coughing during those smoggy California days. Since then, of course, California has cleaned up its air and is continually searching for ways to save our environment. Far more is needed to save our planet, I’m afraid, and I pray that we continue to fight for our only Earth.

Grandma Beal was the strongest women I’d ever known. She endured severe health problems her entire life. She almost died a couple times due to asthma attacks, and later survived colon and breast cancers. I’ll never forget one day she came home from the hospital, laid in bed for about 15 minutes, and then promptly started doing the laundry and running the house. She never knew the meaning of rest.,

She was a Democrat through and through and made no bones about it. Most of our holiday get-togethers were marred with debates between my Grandma and my die-hard Republican father. At first glance Grandma seemed quiet and very shy. Nothing was further from the truth; she was strong willed and ran her house like a tight ship. Grandma never missed an episode of General Hospital, and if anyone knew the Celeb gossip, it was Grandma. Grandma finally passed away in her sleep one day after being paralyzed from several strokes. She lived a very, very long life in to her late 80’s. “Tough old bird”, her son Dennis used to call her.

Grandpa Beal was the hardest working man I’ve ever known. He started as a young teen delivering newspapers on his bike, and later became the manager of Shady Grove Dairy. NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE made better ice cream! Ice cream companies begged him to share his secret yet he proudly never gave it up. He was an incredible athlete. He beat the pants off everyone at tennis. He had a drop shot that no one could return. He also excelled at golf and bowling, but his love and passion was always for tennis. Every weekend you could find him on the tennis courts of Chaffey High School playing the young and old. One rewarding aspect of my moving to Upland was that I had the fortune of playing tennis with him and his buddies as often as I could. It was rare, however, because I was always up late cocktailing the night before. I joined him when I could. Grandpa Beal lived to be 91 years young, and was my last living grandparent. The last I heard he had not lost his touch. He had been spending his meals with a pretty lady in the dining hall at the rest home. I was not surprised, he’d always been the most friendly and personable member of the entire family.

Grandma and Grandpa had two children, my mother, Lindalee and Dennis. My uncle, Dennis, paid his bills and supported his family as a truck driver while following his true passion, mining. He had to most interesting trucker stories. His best tale was of his hero story. Dennis me when he was driving his rig down the highway and there were a ton of orange cones directing traffic to come to a stop. Well, they didn’t give the truckers near enough time to come to a stop, so Dennis plowed on through the cones. The other truckers jumped on the CB radio and called him a hero! He also was rumored to take on some Hells Angels in a bar one night. No one messed with my uncle Dennis. I later found out that he was one of the only men my father truly respected. Dennis now spends most of his time living in the wilderness at his mine outside of Spokane, Washington. Thanks to Facebook, I stay in close touch with my Aunt Merrilyn and her daughter  Vicki and grandkids Stephanie and Allie. All of them are such an important part of my family.

And then, of course, there was my mother, Lindalee Beal. For the first five or six years of my life, my mother taught P.E. at a junior high school in the Los Angeles School District. She loved teaching! After leaving her school teaching, she began a new venture. Every year she was the assistant manager of the Camp of Champs cheerleading and baton twirling clinics around the country. Lindalee grew up in Ontario, California as a well known young lady. She had the most wonderful and fulfilling childhood. Grandma and Grandpa took her and Dennis on extensive road trips on top of all the travels to various baton competitions. She spent her teenage years baton twirling and ended up obtaining the title of a national champion baton twirler! She practiced three hours a day and loved every minute of it. Most of Ontario knew her because she was always in the local papers, and was quite often on television in parades. In college, she was a twirler for the Los Angeles Rams football team. The Ramette’s were very well known and she received the constant attention of any man she wanted. Unfortunately she met a man named Bill Gwinn, Jr and fell for his irresistible charm. I suppose I shouldn’t say “unfortunately” because if they hadn’t met, I would never have been born. But my mother was such a bright and beautiful woman with smiles and grace that lit up a room. From the moment she married my Dad, her life was a roller coaster filled with far too many low points. She was a small time girl with good values and a sweet innocence. She loved old movies and romance, which, of course, she has passed down to me. I love movies. Period.  Old and new. As a matter of fact, it was at an Oscar party that I started falling for my husband, Steve. But I digress. Mom did the best job she could raising me. She gave me good values, love, and security. She spoiled me rotten, and that was all part of the love. Before she’d met my dad until, alcohol had never passed here lips. There had never been alcohol in the Beal household until the Gwinn’s came and fully stocked one of grandma’s cabinets. Never could she have imagined that her life would be turned upside down by alcoholism. Mom turned to alcohol in order to survive drinking and abuse my Dad dished out, and it eventually consumed her. In forty years, her life had gone from innocence and happiness to grim depression. How could anyone expect to be able to adjust to the wild Gwinn lifestyle?

Thankfully Mom found the most incredible inner strength and learned not only sobriety, but a reason to live. To this day, she spends every moment eating right, exercising, and is determined to outlive Dad! She deserves it and I pray every single day that she does. She knows she has every right to outlast him on this earth. Maybe the Gwinn’s indeed were right. The Beal’s were simple farmers with simple ideals. My parents came from two different worlds that clashed in this insane place called Orange County.

My Brother

            My brother Michael and I couldn’t have been any closer when we were kids. Although we were five years apart, we shared incredible times together. If we weren’t beating each other up, as siblings do, were playing Barbies and GI Joes, Leggos, or just hanging outside. Later, as we grew older, one of our favorite activities was to spend the day at the theater. We had the viewing of multiple movies for one price down to a science. With a day’s supply of snacks in hand, we’d change our hair, glasses, hats, coats, and walk from screen to screen, spending the entire day together. Christmas was always our favorite time of the year. Every Christmas Eve a lavish party was held at Dot and Big Grandpa’s house. People would arrive in fancy clothes and enjoy Dot’s usual party expertise. Michael and I would hide in the guest room at the Gwinn’s house and spy on the guests. The most important task we had every year was to plan our Christmas morning. We’d plan everything down to the last detail. Including who would wake up first, how would we wake up the other, and what presents we were hoping to get?

He was a talented tennis player, and still is an avid surfer and skateboarder. I admire that he continues with his passions to this day. Keeping active with what we love should be held on to for a lifetime. Yet as close as we are, Michael and I are such different people. He is an intelligent, warm and thoughtful person. He and I both share a problem with anxiety that we’ve dealt with in different ways. I handled mine the best I could, but he unfortunately struggled with drugs. I escaped the Gwinn Hell House, as we call it, but he never found his way out.  The five years difference in age was such a disadvantage to him in later years. I was fortunate to be a teenager by the time my dad really started loosing it. He felt the brunt of it most of his life. Our personalities were so different. I was able separate the anger and abuse from it being my fault, and always fought back. I’ve hit my dad with a baton, a bottle of Heineken, and anything I could get my hands on. My brother just sat there and took it. When I was 20 years old, I left home and never looked back. Neither my brother nor my mother really stood up for themselves back then.

I’m glad to report, however, that today Michael and Mom are two of the strongest people I know! They do indeed hold their ground with Dad and have become each other’s support system. He has found happiness with his long time beautiful girlfriend Ashley. She is an amazing woman whom I’ve enjoyed getting to know. I’ve begged him to escape the clutches of the Gwinn Hell House, but like so many other Orange County inhabitants, he doesn’t feel that life actually exists outside his realm. All but one of my best friends from high school have never escaped. They, like my brother, are perfectly content with the crowds and high prices. I have to admit, is truly difficult to leave a home that has beautiful weather year around. And the beach has a calling to a person who grew up there that resides deep in our souls. I miss the beach so badly that it hurts.

My Room, My Solace

            I look back on my bedroom now and I wonder how I could have fit in to that tiny box. Somehow It felt huge when I was a kid. I went through several different bed phases as a kid. I had a twin, a water bed, and even my Mom’s old four poster bed. As a matter of fact, that same bed is in my guest room today. I we even lucky enough to have this incredible loft bed that Dad built. Being a mechanic, he was so good with his hands. I was one of the luckiest kids to have a loft bed and an egg chair! Living large in the 70’s! I went through many shades of wallpaper and paints as my mother was very creative.

The most important thing about my room was that it was my escape from my parents. I’m sure all kids feel that way, but for me, the escape was even more important. It was a place where I could close the door and escape to my own little world, away from the constant turmoil my parents suffered. This was my escape where I can totally be myself. I would dream up characters for my stories and loose myself in other worlds. When I was little, I would use my imagination with my Barbie dolls and Leggos to create completely alternate lives for myself. They were certainly far more exciting and interesting lives than I had. The creativity later served well in creating characters and stories. By 11 years old, I had written my first TV fan fiction. Thanks to the wonderful influence of my mom, I was already an odd combination. At an early age, I was a hopeless romantic and a science fiction fan. I started with writing stories based on existing television shows such as I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, Star Trek, and, of course, Space:1999.  I found out at an early age that I had a real passion for something that I really didn’t have much talent for. The lack of talent never stopped me from writing. It has always given me true contentment and enjoyment throughout my life. I didn’t care if another living soul read my work. To this day it has always been a pleasure just to commit my thoughts to paper. For years now I’ve been a member of a fan fiction writing club we call the Divas. There are 8 of us from around the globe that write and share our stories. We also share our lives and our families as we’re all around the same age with lots in common. I’ve been fortunate to meet a few of them at past Space:1999 conventions. Writing is such a crucial part of my life, and I just don’t feel whole if I’m not creating.

Saved by the Neighbor

            My parents are both agnostics and never attended church. I was blessed by meeting a lady down our street who invited me to come to church with her son when I was very young. She started taking me to Faith Lutheran Church and I found that although I enjoyed going, I really didn’t understand most of what was said. This church was quite a strict Missouri Synod branch and it was so formal that I just couldn’t relate. Thank heavens I met one of my best high school friends, Kathy Tierney. She took me under her wing and was instrumental in helping me change my life through finding Jesus. I accepted Jesus one wonderful weekend at a church camp when I was about 13 years old. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I remember feeling changed and confident for the first time in my life. Throughout the years I’ve grown closer to God, and unfortunately, had times growing distant. The irony was that during the darks times in my early 20’s I pushed God away when I needed him most.

Gwinn Hell House

            It wasn’t exactly a scene out of a horror flick, but every night around 5:30, the family would be walking on egg shells before Dad walked in the door. We usually had about 5 minutes of peace while he fixed his drink, then it was all over. I’m not committing this to paper out of  bitterness. I honestly thought it would make an interesting story. I’ve somewhat forgiven my dad for what he’d done to me, but I have a very long way to go in forgiving him for how he’s treated Mom and Michael. The Gwinn house on Porter Circle had a reputation of being the house to avoid. Many of my friends were afraid to over if there was a possibility that my father could be at home. Thankfully, he was usually at work. My friends were intimidated by his bent sense of humor, and the Playboy magazines always spread all over the coffee table.

I’m sure my dad thought he was being funny when he was scaring the crap out of people. One instance was a day when one of my best friends (to this day), Ann, was scared by dad with what she still calls the “cat in the trash” incident. My dad jokingly put my poor kitty, DC, in a box, closed it tightly, and tossed her in to the big trash can in the garage. He walked away and Ann and I had to save my poor kitty. Another incident happened when some friends of mine tried to kidnap me on my 16th birthday fairly late at night. They came through the back yard gate and knocked on my window, and were quickly met by my father with his loaded 44 magnum! My father, of course, was just trying to protect his daughter from whom he thought was a burglar. Last time these friends came over. My high school boyfriend Eric only came over to pick me up for dates. There was one instance when he visited and I made the mistake of shutting my bedroom door. We were just sitting on my bed talking, and my father kicked the open the door and threw Eric out. Not the last time my door would be kicked open.

Forth of July was always an interesting and eventful holiday on Porter Circle. We often spent it with our neighbor, Mary, and partied in the streets with the other neighbors. The neighbors stayed away too. All except for my parent’s best friend, Mary Larkin. She was a loyal friend that stayed by my parent’s side through thick and thin. She and my father knew each other from Laguna Beach High School. I’ve always had a tremendous amount of love and respect for Mary. She was a wonderful person.

When I was very young, I remember spending the 4th at the Will and Carole’s house in Emerald Bay. We had a beautiful view of the fireworks that the Bay always shot off every year. However, our parties on our own street were always far more fun. We BBQ’d and partied in the street. My mother sometimes brought out her fire baton for entertainment, and my father enjoyed firing off his “Dirty Harry” gun, a 44 Magnum. A situation where obvious common sense was lacking when he never stopped to consider where the bullet would eventually land. I remember one New Years Even I was babysitting about a half a mile away and I heard the gunshot and wondered why the police would never come.

Throughout Dad’s life he seemed to have some sort of shield around him that protected him from trouble. All those times he drove home drunk with us in the car, and was never once pulled over. Of course, he was friends with most of the Laguna cops and it helped to have a somewhat famous father. I doubt he even got in trouble the night be beat the crap out of Ricky Nelson at the famous Laguna bar called The Little Shrimp.

The house later became notorious for the sheriffs stopping by.

I’m not quite sure when my father’s mental problems began. All I know is they worsened with age and alcohol. When I was young, I remember him has being a good father. He spent time with us, took us fishing, on picnics, and seemed to be pretty normal.  He’d always give the shirt off his back to a friend or customer in need. His temper was always on a short fuse; however, I didn’t notice him loosing control much before my junior high school days. I was somehow able to separate the fact that when my father lashed out at me, it was out of his own anger and hurt, and that it had nothing to do with me. So many children never see through this but I was old enough to understand. My father had self-image problems that stemmed from his parents. Unfortunately he displaced them on to his children. I was thin and beautiful my entire childhood. However, for some odd reason Dad felt he needed to show me the Playboy models in his magazines and try to drill in to my head that I needed to look like that in order to find a decent husband. He constantly told me I was overweight but then used to get angry with me with I didn’t eat enough! I started hiding snacks in my room in order to escape his wrath, which eventually contributed to eating problems later. No one nor nothing was every good enough for him. (which is I’m sure how he felt about himself to his father).

For over 25 years I’ve begged Mom to leave him. He’s hit her over the head with a bottle, beaten her, belittled and demeaned her nightly. Yet she saw no way out. One incident that only my brother witnessed was my dad throwing mom to the floor, pointing his gun at her head, and firing it in to the floor. The 44 magnum bullet is still lodged in the cement under the carpet. A few years ago he was finally arrested when he threw my mom in to the entertainment center and was forced to take her to the hospital. The ER docs called the cops and he spent a whole two nights in jail. Mom went back to him as always. She has refused repeatedly over the last 25 years to move in with me. It’s been an extremely sad existence for both my mom and dad. Even before that I doubt either one of them has experienced true happiness in their married lives. I was determined to make my own way and my own happiness in my life and let karma deal with Dad. Thank God I did because I truly did escape the Gwinn Hell House.

I’m positive there was something severely wrong with him that I’m sure has contributed to his alcoholism and abuse. He had grown up in an environment devoid of love and tenderness where drinking and drugs were the norm. After being arrested for throwing my mother in to the TV and stereo system, he was forced in to counseling. He stopped drinking through A.A. and actually became a sponsor.  Prozac helped him deal with life and he did seem to change. I hear now that he still opens and ends his days with alcohol, however, he isn’t as physically abusive as he used to be. Although he’s still the same cranky self, he’s been able to refrain from any abusive behavior. My mother has kept her own bedroom for at least 10 years now, and spends her time there when my father is home.

I doubt he even remembers throwing Mom down and firing the gun in to the floor next to her head. I doubt he remembers throwing me in to my stereo system, knocking all the shelves down on me and cutting my wrist (What did he have against stereo systems?)  I could show him the scars on my wrists from some things he did. If you were to talk to him today he honestly has no idea that what he had done was wrong. Anything he did remember, he honestly did not believe that what he did was wrong. In the environment he grew up in, it was perfectly normal. I still call Dad on his Birthday and Father’s Day, but honestly if I never spoke with him again I wouldn’t bat an eye. I call my mother at least once a week and always kept in touch with Michael no matter where he lived. I would love to live even further away than 1200 miles from the Gwinn craziness.

There’s a reason why when we visit California we spend 5 days with the Bement’s and 5 hours with the Gwinn’s. It’s incredibly sad that Shannon hasn’t had the chance to really get to know my side of the family. I’m to blame for this because I’ve shielded her all these years. Steve, Shannon, and I visited the “Gwinn Horror House” this past summer. My father was very ill, yet what was even more sad was the fact that only Steve and Shannon seemed to give a damn. Mom, Mike, and I barely paid attention to him. The only attention we paid was feeling like were were on pins and needles every moment before he walked in the door from work. It was a conditioned response after all the years we lived there. The only other times I’ve been back were when my mom was close to death ill, and when I’ve stopped by when I was at the Space:1999 convention in Los Angeles. Because I stayed away from my parents, I made the tremendous mistake in not visiting my grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa Beal were dearer to me than anyone. They were my lifeline throughout my childhood and in my early 20’s after I left home. My Grandpa Beal was still kickin’ in to his 90′s at 91 and I’d write to him. But I should have spent a lot more time with him and Grandma in recent years. Shannon remembers her great grandparents are Big Grandpa with the walking stick, and the Grandma and Grandpa Beal with the pool and the oranges in the backyard. She has a vivid memory of Grandma trying her best to lift her up to pick oranges off the tree. My grandma’s back hurt all night, but she always treasured that moment.

Dad always did have a good heart with good intensions. He always meant well with his family, friends, and customers. He treated customers the same whether rich or poor. One vivid memory was him always helping the Hispanic guys who lived in the roach infested motel next to the station. A big group of these guys lived in this one place, working when they could, and sending every penny home to their families in Mexico. He came to my school and sporting activities when he could. He came to my rescue more than once. One fateful night at around 2 am, he rescued me after I drove through a puddle the size of a small lake on Aliso Parkway and stalled my car. Never once did he ask how much I had had to drink that night. He simply picked me up and said nothing to me the entire drive home. I backed in to his customer’s Corvair convertible and he said it was OK. He’d handle it. I suppose he did the best job he could. I truly believe that neither he nor his parents should have EVER had children. My mother should have married one many Rams football players that used to ask her out. Everything happens for a reason, I suppose, and I’m grateful to be the person I am.

Wild Parties

            My parents would often get together with their best friends Will and Carole Baker. They dragged my brother and me along for the ride. I have some fond and some scarred memories of these parties. I would use my imagination to escape and create my own fun. As I think back on the parties today, I’m amazed by what I witnessed. Now I’m sure that there are plenty of people in the world who won’t think of this as shocking. I certainly didn’t when I was a kid. Their behavior was perfectly normal as far as I knew. My parents would go to their friend’s houses fully clothed. However, after time passed, and the drinks were flowing, they would enjoy the rest of the party completely in the buff! Now I have to tell you what a sight it was to see my parents and their friends nude. They seemed to be always being having a wonderful time so I figured it was normal. My escape during these parties was usually playing a game of spies. My brother and I used to pretend that we were spies and passed the time investigating the homes. We actually took notes. Oh how I wish I still had those notes today. What adventures I’d have to report. My parent’s best friends in the world were Will and Carole, Frank, and Mary. My father grew up with Will in Emerald Bay and they remain good friends to this day. Will grew up as my father did, around wealth and society.  Will and his wife became millionaires with their printing business. I am very fond of both of them. Will is a very wise, kind-hearted man who was very generous to me. Carole had a big heart and was always very sweet to me. They were never able to have children of their own, and they kind of took me in as their honorary child. They took me to zoos and parks. They once took me for a weekend of New Years Eve skiing in Park City, Utah for an experience I’ll always cherish.

But back to the wild parties. On more than one occasion I caught these good friends doing the “wild thing” in the patio shower outside. This house was a block from the beach and it was common place to have outside showers. Will and Carole and my parents found fun in their parties in their birthday suits. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable this was for my sweet mother.

We used to spend weekends at Will and Carole’s house in Palm Dessert. This was always fun for Mike and me. I love the dessert. My husband, Steve, often calls me a reptile as I simply crave the heat. My mom used to make these lemon-limeaide drinks for us and we’d always bring lots of toys to play with. We’d also bring our bikes and ride in the evenings when the weather was cooler. Another memory was sitting outside on the lawn; listening to the locusts and watching the bats fly over-head. The hot summer dessert nights were so pleasant the house was right on the golf course so Michael and I had a blast searching for golf balls. These weekends, of course, were spent with the adults running around nude.

My Dad often walked around the house nude, and he was always nude in the hot tub. He didn’t care that Michael or I was in there with him. It seems sick and twisted to me now, but back then it was normal. As a child, I’d seen all the body parts, but didn’t know what their purpose was. My sick father one night decided that I needed to know their “functions” while in our jacuzzi. I was trying to enjoy some tranquility of the outside jacuzzi when Dad decided to join me. Of course he was naked, as always. He gave me some bullshit about how I needed to know what a penis felt like so I’d know what to do once I had a man of my own. Time to get out of the pool, I said to myself! The sad thing was I honestly think he meant well in his sick and twisted psychie. Unfortunately, I  grew up pretty uncomfortable with sex. My favorite movies or TV shows were the ones where they had the most subtle romance in them, very little sex. There wasn’t a lot of subtlety in my family. Between the Playboy & Hustler magazines on the living room table and the wild parties, I felt differently about romance after having “seen it all” as a kid.

The Beach Bus

            For fifty cents my friends and I could hitch a ride on the beach bus to Salt Creek Beach in Laguna Niguel. Nearly every weekend my friends and I would grab our boogie boards and head for the waves. I swear living only 3 miles from the beach wasn’t close enough! My teenage dream was for me to be sitting on the deck of my beach house writing one of my Oscar winning screenplays. Oh how dreams are pushed aside as reality breaks in. The reality of my not having enough talent for writing and no money destroyed that beach house fantasy. Considering that I know everything happens for a reason, I was meant to end up penniless and yet completely satisfied.

My summers were spent either on the beach or at the mall. My brother spent his summers surfing, and to this day, it’s the surf that has an eternal hold on him. He’ll never move. One difference between my friends and me was that they sunbathed and I boogie boarded. I was constantly in the ocean while my girlfriends would bake their skin searching for the perfect So Cal glow. I, however, couldn’t care less. I always wanted to play! To hell with the tan! I just couldn’t grasp the concept of baking and sweating under the hot salted sun. Besides, one of the most important lessons Grandma Dot taught me was to not bake myself in the sun. Back then we were all baking in the sun, and now, 30 years later, we’re getting skin cancer. Dot told me that I would end up old and leathery like Robert Redford if I didn’t take care of my skin. So our of sheer vanity I listened to her, thankfully. The irony though, was that all that baking in the sun never affected my friends. I was the one who ended up with various types of skin cancer. Thank God not the melanoma that Grandma Dot eventually died from. When Dot was a teenager she would put olive oil on her skin and bake in the sun by the Northern California’s Russian River. Even in her adult years she spent most every day on the beach in Emerald Bay playing bridge with her friends. Like smoking, no one paid attention to the dangers of the sun back then. My mom said that her grandmother used to take her out in the sun to get a “healthy glow”. Back then it was common put your kids on the sun to aide in healing when sick. Unfortunately this was how many children with measles lost their eyesight. If we knew then what we know now, there would be less skin cancer. Of course with the ozone layer disintegrating, either way we needed to change our ways.

As much as I liked Salt Creek Beach, my favorite beach was Emerald Bay. It was the beach where Dot and Big Grandpa had lived. I have too many fond memories to count. It was a small private beach reserved just for that community. It was always incredibly clean and never crowded. My family would drive an hour all the way from Ontario just to go to the beach, and Emerald Bay was always the spot. My brother and I used to climb on the rocks and explore the tide-pools. We’d stand on the rocks and make bets on who would get hit by the splash of the next wave. Then run back to Mom or Grandma for a yummy beach picnic lunch. I’m not sure why, but lunch at the beach always tasted sweeter than anywhere else on Earth. (once I picked the sand out of my grapes, that is). We held my daughter’s first birthday party there with relatives from both sides of the family. Believe me, it was a big deal for Steve’s parents, Ron and Jackie, to drive all the way up to “LA”, as they called it. Still cracks me up to this day that his family considers Orange County as part of Los Angeles. It was a very rare and memorable day, and it would be the last time our two families would ever get together.

Emerald Bay would forever be one of my favorite places on Earth. Even after my grandparents moved, I knew so many people there that I was always able to get a pass to visit the beach. I later house sat for a friend of my grandparents, Lois Funk. For two months of sweet summer bliss, I lived among the rich, one block from the sand, and I awoke each morning to the smell of the salty ocean air. I have an empty hole in my heart caused by my missing the beach terribly. If I ever find the money, I will certainly buy a condo on a beach somewhere in Laguna. When I die, I’ve made it well known to all that I want my ashes spread over Laguna’s ocean.

The Teenage years

            I was one of the fortunate kids who had a wonderful high school experience. I attribute this to my mother and best friend, Lindalee. She was a wonderful mother. She knew the importance of always staying involved in her children’s lives. She took my brother, Michael, to all his soccer and baseball games. She suffered through all my roller skating lessons and competitions, baton twirling, and mostly through my terrible outbursts. Why my mom put up with my deplorable behavior I’ll never know. She never once deserved to have the baton thrown at her in a moment of frustration. Any other parent would walk away. Not my Mom. I spent three years, and a big chunk of my parent’s money, roller skating and baton twirling through high school. Ever since I could remember I wanted to ice skate. However, it was far too expensive a sport for my parents. I found out that there were freestyle competitions for roller skating! At thirteen, I dumped the boring piano lessons like hot coals and started my skating adventure. When I was 33 years young, I decided to get back in to skating. I never let it stop me that I was old, not talented, and far too tall to be a skater. I worked hard and enjoyed making it to Jr. Olympic National Championships in Fresno, CA. I placed 27th out of 30 skaters and couldn’t have been more proud of what I had accomplished. I had fulfilled one of my teenage dreams with no regrets. It was painfully obvious that I didn’t learn my Mom’s lesson and ended up putting my family in debt doing the same thing for my daughter. However, what most parents don’t understand is that it was all worth EVERY SINGLE PENNY.

My high school years were spent a Dana Hills High School in Dana Point, California. For those who have seen the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High, I can tell you that it was my high school to a “T”. In fact the writer of the movie, Cameron Crowe, attended high schools and colleges in nearby San Diego, California. He must have had similar experiences. We nicknamed Dana Hills High “The Prison”, because it was built like a big box with no windows and very few doors. Thank goodness we had an open campus policy since the weather was almost always nice enough to eat outside. We wore shorts, tanks, and flip flops year around. One of the joys of going to school near the beach was that we were able to go visit the sand or Dana Point Harbor for lunch. I had later heard that the class of 1982 was well known as a wild bunch, and the open campus was rescinded. Dana Hills’ grad night was traditionally spent at Disneyland from midnight to six am. Unfortunately, 1982 would be the last time Dana Hills would be invited back. I’m sure I had NOTHING to do with it! I’m sure the fact that security kicked my friends and me off the rides Inner Space and Haunted Mansion because we played “musical chairs” while the ride was in motion. The funniest trivia of Dana Hills however, was the fact that my science and math teachers would pile in to an old VW bus and surf on their lunch hours. They’d come back to class with wet salty hair and smiles on their faces. These were the same teachers that got me involved in science club which made our Morro Bay excursion a memorable experience. True to form for the class of ’82, the senior prank was legendary. They took apart a little Honda Civic and re-assembled it in the lunch room commons. Can you imagine the look on the principal’s and janitor’s faces? I had nothing to do with it but I sure wished I had.

My straight “A” student best friends and I shared some great adventures together. I somehow must have been able to identify with them on some sort of nerdy level. Kathy Tierney was Dodger baseball buddy through high school. She was also my devoted skiing buddy. We could often be found on the slopes of Big Bear instead of in school. Not fooling anyone the next day with our sunglass marked – sunburned faces. I, like my father and his father before him, was a true blue Los Angeles Dodgers fan. Big Grandpa and Dad often took me to games. Thanks to Big Grandpa’s connections, we often sat right behind home plate. The only drawback of sitting that close was the embarrassment of my Dad’s shouting to the players and the refs. At least I always had my Dodger Dogs and sodas.

My other great friend, Ann Sullens and I had been friends since the forth grade. We lost touch for a few years of high school when she became beautiful and popular. Thankfully, we somehow found each other again towards the end of high school. We remain friends and stay in touch.

A teacher who touched my life was Mr. Horimoto, the talented band director. He allowed my mother to coach the baton twirlers since Dana Hills had never such a thing. Has patient, enthusiastic, and all bout making school fulfilling. This was where I met another best friend, Tracee Seibert. We performed at all the football games, pep rallies, band competitions, and basketball games. She and I attended cheerleading and baton twirling camp three summers in a row. Time of our lives. My boyfriend, the drummer in the band, Eric, and I became close during gooey duck hunting in Morro Bay at a science club field trip. He was one of the best parts of my senior year. For some reason, I attracted musicians like a magnet. There’s just something about their wild, flakey, and irresponsible lifestyles that made them irresistible. Certainly not marriage material though!

Senior Year at Dana Hills High was a nine month long party. I had only four classes and one of them was tennis! I was usually out of school by noon, except for the days I stayed late for extra help in Chemistry. Mr. Cunningham spent many of his lunch hours helping me barely pass chemistry. Along with science, he preached dedication and determination. My life changed in so many ways during my senior year. This was the year I had quit skating. Although I was sad, it changed my life. I was able to get rid of a painful back injury, and I finally had my evenings free to spend with my friends. I still missed the thrill of competing and decided to focus baton twirling. Of course, I was a natural! No doubt I always was, but I never had any interest in putting in the required effort. Once I started taking lessons from my Mom’s former baton partner, Beverly Miller, I won most every competition I entered. I had devoted three years of my life to a sport I had no talent for, when I could have been an accomplished baton twirler. But my passion was always for roller skating and I ended up quitting twirling once I went to college.

I was so fortunate to spend a lot of my summer breaks at a cheerleading and baton twirling camp called Camp of Champs. Because of growing up in “the biz” of baton twirling, the owner of the camp hired me the summer after my senior year to teach baton twirling. My mother had worked for Barbara Pruett for the last ten years teaching baton and helping her manage the camp. Lucky me I got to tag along and stay in dorm rooms some summers with my mom. Teaching camp, however was a whole new experience. I was fortunate to spend my summer of 1982 at Pepperdine University in Malibu, University of Southern California at San Diego, and Northern of Arizona University at Flagstaff. I was the youngest instructor there, and the other staff made me feel like one of the gang. Including supplying me with a fake id so that we could get in to the bars in Arizona. I was my usual cautious self and didn’t end up with any hangovers, however, I did end up with some pretty nasty cuts on my legs. On a whim one night, we climbed over a barbed wire fence as a short cut to an ice cream shop in Flagstaff. Another fateful night we took the camp van to Santa Monica Beach where I luckily escaped an open container violation. Thank you kind officer who just let me pour out the beer and move on. I’ll always appreciate that! The camp director had no idea what her son and staff were up to as we all partied in the camp van from state to state. The funny thing was the camp owner’s son, Steven, was the biggest party animal of us all. Barbara never had a clue.

The other important change in my life was my boyfriend, Eric. I was almost seventeen and not a soul had asked me out on a date. I got to know Eric at the science club’s Morrow Bay trip and discovered he was the drummer in the band. We had some fun times. Prom night was a blast! I went with my baton buddy Tracee and her boyfriend Mark, another musician. Dana Hills Prom night was on the Queen Mary! We danced to many a Journey song and caused a stir when we were all signing one of their famous songs “Open Arms”….we replaced the lyrics loudly with our crazy band boyfriends, and sang it as “broken arms”. Our fellow classmates thought we were annoying and crazy, but we couldn’t care less.

I’ve never been back for any reunions and I wish I had gone to at least one of them. I was always afraid that no one would remember me, beyond the vague memory of a baton twirler during half time shows. My Grandma Beal went to every single one of her high school reunions in Ontario, well in to her seventies. I always wanted to be more like her.

Gas Station Adventures

My first real job was working at a gas station. Shockingly enough it was a pleasure to work for my father. He managed the Union 76 service station on Coast Highway in North Laguna Beach. I worked there for almost three years while I attended Saddleback Junior College. Dad treated me fairly and we actually had some success in finding common ground. I came to know a man who treated his employees fairly, his customers well, and he went above and beyond to help those in need. He used to do whatever he could to keep a car running for the less fortunate. Hispanics (legal or not) could come to him without fear and he would keep their cars running and charge them next to nothing. He’d say horrible things about the Hispanics, yet he treated everyone with respect. It was the strangest thing because he’d come home a completely different person who made his entire family walk on egg shells our whole lives.

The most interesting story was that of the station’s flamboyant owner, Steven Sadler. He was a 60 year old recovering alcoholic who never missed his daily AA meeting at the church. Formerly with the covert CIA agency called Air America, he was an interesting man indeed. Besides having an IQ through the roof, he kept me in stitches laughing daily with his completely inappropriate humor. It was obvious that he was incredibly bored with his current life. It always took a lot of restraint for him to behave himself around my 18 year old virgin ears. Every single morning he greeted me with hello, Sunshine. The stories he told me were fascinating! My father did what he could to keep me away from him, but I couldn’t help but sit there and soak in his fascinating life, as well as the dirty jokes. Towards the end of my three years there, he would disappear for weeks at a time while my Dad ran the place. Mr. Sadler did little but come in and pay the bills anyway so it wasn’t difficult for my dad. No one every really knew where he would go for those long weeks, but he’d come back with tons of cash to burn.  My dad started getting mysterious phone calls from a man named Hector with a thick accent. Then there was one day Mr. Sadler didn’t come back. Apparently his small plane had crashed somewhere in the mountains in Columbia, South America. Whatever he was “running” back and forth from Columbia to Texas at least brought him a joy he had not known in years. He was happier than I’d ever seen him. At least he died living an adventure.

I had plenty of the most memorable experiences working at Sadler’s ’76. One guy in a convertible pulled in to the full service lane wearing nothing but a washcloth! Full service, huh? I don’t think so. Gas and window cleaning was all HE was going to get! Then there were the stinkin’ rich women who used the full service lane because they could afford to have someone else pump their gas for them. There were old fashioned older gentlemen who would tip me for pumping their gas and cleaning their windows. The tips I could use, the dude with the washcloth I could have done without.

Not that this is much of a claim to fame, but I can also report that I pumped gas for baseball star Reggie Jackson,  Baseball commissioner and LA Olympics President, Peter Uberroth, actress Kelly McGillis’ family lived there and her sister Kathleen, whom I later had some college classes with, frequently drove her Mercedes convertible in the full service line. Somewhat humiliating, I might add.

Then there was that fateful day in 1993 when a dark blue Cadillac Seville pulled in. This grumpy older gentleman came up to me and asked for the restroom key. After smiling and handing him the key, it occurred to me that I had just handed our restroom to key to none other than my favorite actor, Martin Landau. Shortly after, a beautiful and refined older woman asked me for the key. She gave me the kindest smile and a thank you. Both speech and breath had escaped me while I rushed over to my Dad to tell him who was in our restrooms. Naturally he glanced at their car to see if it looked “rich” enough. In a complete panic, I grabbed the back of a credit card slip and was ready to request their autographs. Martin didn’t say a word when he signed his name and seemed pretty damn unhappy. Barbara was gracious and gladly signed, “To Colleen, Best, Barbara Bain”.  My two favorite actors needed a pit stop and they chose my Union 76!

College Years

            I started attending Saddleback Junior College second semester of my senior year. I wanted to get a jump start on what would end up being the first of college majors. My first years were like an extension of high school and were both educational and enjoyable. While most of my friends were away at college, living in a dorm room, I was stuck at home with my parents. I’m not bitter that they couldn’t afford for me to go away to college. I just wish that I could have escaped the insanity of the Gwinn house sooner than I did.

I thought special education would be a rewarding profession and I wanted to work with the deaf. I thought of being a teacher or an interpreter. I’m still sorry that I didn’t pursue it because I know I would have loved being an interpreter. Then suddenly, while dating a Laguna Beach cop, I changed my major a second time to Criminal Justice. I was under the delusion that being a crime scene investigator would be an exciting career. My boyfriend at the time, Tony, better known to my family as “creepface”, never meant to inspire me. He was a friend of my father’s from the gas station. He actually never did anything to deserve that name. He would just never commit to me, nor would he leave me. I later found out the cause was his fear of my father. Go figure! He was so terrified of Dad and there was never any hope for that relationship.

The two years I spent studying criminal justice were two of the most memorable years of my life. After a semester the head of the Criminal Justice department at Saddleback College created a Chapter of the American Criminal Justice Association on our campus. We were charter members and had to pledge to a nearby college. Hazing was an experience. We were considered whale poop not fit to scrape the bottom of the ocean. During the pledge period we were treated like we were in the police academy. I never did make it over the 6 foot wall, but in the end, my fellow brothers and sisters pushed me over. I made it through the hazing period with a sprained ankle. I had some of the best times of my life with my brothers and sisters of ACJA. When we weren’t playing “quarters” and driving around listening to police radios, we were doing community service work and learning everything we could about the field. I went on a ride-a-longs with the Santa Ana Cops and the crime scene investigators. My teacher and mentor, Gary Brazelton, was a tremendous inspiration to me. He knew about my life at home and did his best to instill confidence and pride in me. He continually told me that I could do anything I wanted to in my life. I always sensed that he wanted something “more”, but he was 17 years older and we both knew better. In between all the fun, I managed to earn almost straight “A”s for the first time in my life. I made the dean’s list and was very proud.

Amazingly growing up in an alcoholic’s house, I never touched the stuff. I remember that on my 16th birthday, my dad gave me a glass of champagne. I thought it was pretty nasty and remembered that it burned my throat. I thought people were crazy drinking that crap. Of course, years later, unfortunately I discovered California Coolers. They were a delightful wine cooler that my frat brothers and sisters always had for me at all parties. I’ll never forget a midnight grunion run with a huge bonfire at the beach. It was amazing how there were always California Coolers and beers a plenty most of us weren’t old enough to buy the stuff. It’s scary how accessible alcohol was.

We were lucky to go on field trips to courts, police stations, and jails. The most memorable by far, was our tour of the Tijuana jail in Mexico. How Gary arranged this I’ll never know. That jail was definitely a scary place I’d never want to find myself in. The chief gave us the tour and it was amazing to sense his pride in how things were run there. After the tour, of course, it was time to party. The food and margaritas were flowing non-stop. We ended up partying all night and then crashing at a cheap motel in San Diego. We all piled in to two rooms and shared beds. Of course they guy in bad shape spent the night in the bathtub. Gary snuck a picture of my frat sister, Charlene, and me, each lying between two of our frat brothers. He said the picture was going straight to my father. However, the guys were absolute gentlemen…drunken gentlemen, but gentlemen none the less.

My CSI career aspirations all ended one night when I had a dream that my neighbor’s mutilated, dead body was placed on my front porch, and I was assigned to investigate the crime. The dream quickly turned to a nightmare as I awoke and realized that police work was not for me. I was determined to help people and decided to change my major to social work, much to the disappointment of my brothers and sisters of ACJA. I still completed my associate’s degree because I wanted to finish what I started. I graduated with my AA Degree with a sense of pride and importance I’d never known. I then transferred to Cal State Fullerton to start my third major how difficult “real” college was.

Cal State Fullerton

            I knew I wasn’t cut out for a career in anything that could make me a fortune and I didn’t care. I felt determined to find a way to help people and saw social work as the avenue to take. I just wanted a fulfilling career that made me happy. I must have been delusional in thinking that a degree in social work would be a cake-walk. I had a rude awakening when I found myself struggling for a “C” average. I was shocked when I actually had to study hard! I often sought help from tutors and the professors. Although it wasn’t just that the college was more difficult, it was that I had FINALLY escaped the insanity of the Gwinn house and had moved out. I was only 20 and ended up cocktailing at some bars to make ends meet. I worked until 2:00 am and then dragged myself to class in the morning. No Doze pills and strong tea helped me barely stay awake during class over the next two years. I used to bring a tape recorder in class for the times I had lost consciousness.

The great escape happened a few days before my twenty-first birthday. My new best friend, Aleta, offered me an out. She and her young son Dennis shared an apartment with a guy named Jim in Upland and had a spare den that I could make my own. It was a crowded apartment and I loved being on my own.  So with seventy-five dollars to my name, a bed, a dresser, and some clothes and I left home! It was one of the best risks of my life. We had shared some social work and counseling classes and became close friends.

One would think my parents would have been proud of me.Yet the day I moved out my parents dis-owned me, accused Aleta and me of being lesbians, and told me they never wanted to see me again. At almost TWENTY-ONE years of age, my parents thought it was too SOON for me to move out? They yelled and me asking how I could do this to them. How dare I grow up and move out! Neither of them spoke to me for over four months, and at that point, I couldn’t care less if I ever spoke to either one of them again.

It was a crowded apartment in a bad part of town, and I was in heaven!  I moved all the way from Laguna back to where I had started from, Ontario. Was this pure coincidence or was it fate? I’m sure God had a hand in it so that I could live only a mile away from my dear grandparents, the “Farmers.” I spent many days getting home-cooked food, doing my laundry, and soaking up the family time that I was missing. Grandma and Grandpa had of course welcomed me with open arms.

Aleta and I worked together on our school assignments until all hours of the night. One memorable late night report caused a mistake on an essay that I found when I was fully conscious the next morning. This was before the age of personal computers that could easily correct an error. I has this little Cannon typewriter that had the most basic word processor in it. I awoke early to proof-read my paper before heading off to class. Smack dab in the middle of one of the pages had the words “space shuttle” in the sentence for absolutely no reason at all. This was right after the space shuttle Columbia had tragically exploded killing everyone on board. It was obviously on my mind and somehow was typed in to my report. I laugh about it now, but I was late for class having to re-type that page.

Between living with my new friend, close to grandparents again, and plenty of group and individual counseling at school, my life began to change. I was incredibly naïve. I figured my parents weren’t serious about dis-owning me and it didn’t take long before I started missing my Mom. Aleta found the time to always be there for me. She was a few years older and far, far wiser. She taught me all the things my mother didn’t. How to cook, clean, and, filled me in about sex. Thank goodness I had made the decision to stay a virgin until marriage, because Lord only knows I could have gotten pregnant with the zero amount of information my parents gave me. The only talk my parents gave me was my Dad telling me that if I got pregnant, I’d be out on the streets. This obviously worked, I must say, because I remained a virgin until I met my soul-mate, Steve.

Student loans and cocktail jobs paid my way, and I was determined to finish college. The “interview” for the cocktailing job was beyond humiliating. The rather fat restaurant manager barely asked me any questions and asked me to try on the cocktail waitress dress. He had me walk up and down the hallway and quickly said “you’re hired.” Obviously no skill was required, only long legs. My first night on the job was my twenty-first birthday. What a pitiful way to spend my twenty-first—serving drinks to OTHER people. My new roomies came by with red roses and wished me a happy birthday. Meanwhile, one of the restaurant workers had stolen the $75.00 I had in my purse. Every penny I had in the world. The bar manager felt so badly for me that he grabbed $50.00 out of the register and told me to pay it back when I could. WOW! I was floored by the generosity. The next day I came to work and the ENTIRE bar staff had been fired, including that manager. There I was, only the second day on the job, training the new waitresses. It was ridiculous! Apparently the entire bar staff had been caught steeling money and dealing cocaine. No matter, it was a paycheck.

I had managed to graduate from Cal State Fullerton with a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work. Life was good, but very tough. I was constantly poor, charging groceries and fuel on my gas station credit cards, buying my clothes from thrift stores, just to get by. But I was on my own! I was sixty miles away from my parents, and that was all that mattered.

I met some fascinating people at Cal State Fullerton, students and professors alike. The professors in the field of social work were incredible. I was lucky to intern for the Hands Across America event to raise money and awareness of the homeless problem in America. My roomie and best friend Aleta and I drove to Los Angeles every weekend to work on this historic event. I had also gained valuable life lessons from teachers and from counseling. Six months of individual counseling and a semester of group counseling were requirements for the degree in social work, and honestly six months was all I could handle. I remember the people in my group were so frustrated with me because I maintained that I was perfectly healthy without a care in the world. They were spilling their guts in deep counseling and I had nothing at all to say. It took a weekend retreat with our groups and our professor for me to realize I certainly was not in perfect mental health. I remember hating every minute of that retreat and couldn’t wait to get back home. This prompted me to finally enter individual counseling offered free through the college. I pretty much hated those six months as well.

My Cal State Fullerton years helped me finally mature and take responsibility for my life. I realized the dedication it was going to take to be a social worker and thought that I had what it took. I was wrong.

Back East Adventure

On a wild hair, Aleta and I decided not to wait until we graduated from college to take that graduation adventure that so many students enjoy. I had just lost my waitress job and had nothing to loose. Without a penny to my name, and a brand spankin’ new credit card, I was off on an adventure I’ll never forget. We packed our bags and headed for Washington D.C. and New York City. Two naïve young ladies who’s appearance screamed “tourist” explored the sites and culture of our nation’s proud cities. We arrived in D.C. and took one of many hairy taxi rides to our Days Inn Hotel. Hotel, which was a laugh! Little did I realize when I made the reservation that it was in the bad part of D.C. We called up the Hyatt and pleaded with them to rescue us. They were so wonderful and gave us a room at a convention rate and we were set. So we thought.

Our first night out, Aleta wanted to take in the sites, but all I wanted to meet men!  We did both as we bar hopped through Georgetown and we met up two guys. Not surprisingly we ended up at their hotel bar. They offered us a nightcap in their room and Aleta intelligently refused and headed back to our hotel. Yet several drinks later I stupidly risked everything and went up to the hotel room of total strangers. Thank God sanity returned to me and I changed my mind just after entering their room. I returned to our hotel room. I found Aleta, in her bed, feeling very ill. She swore that they had slipped her “a Mickey” and she didn’t know what was wrong with her. So, we jumped in to a taxi and ran off to the emergency room at Washington Memorial Hospital. There she lay, on the very same bed where Ronald Regan had lay after being shot years before. I figured that the guys didn’t slip us anything, and that something else was wrong. Turned out the poor thing had a terrible bladder infection that had spread throughout her entire body. She had a high fever and was in desperate need of antibiotics. The next night I selfishly left her in her hotel room and took off sightseeing around D.C. by myself. I had a blast, but I really missed my best bud.  After a couple days, she finally started feeling better but missed out on a some good sight seeing and fun. A couple years later, we returned to New York for the unveiling of the Statue of Liberty and, thankfully, she was able to enjoy herself.

We took a train to New York to New Jersey and stayed with the parents of our roomie in college, Jim. They were the most wonderful hosts! We quickly became experts at riding the bus to and from the city. One evening we took in the Broadway play Sweet Charity. Jim’s father worked at Gallagher’s restaurant and he allowed us to use it as a hub of sorts. We actually changed in to our evening wear for the play in their meat locker!

By far my favorite part of NY was Greenwich Village. It was a haven for the uniqueness of artists, shops, and of course, the most fascinating people I’d ever run in to. I envisioned myself making my home there and it pained me to leave that night. Still today I wish I could have lived in the village and allowed my creative side to shine. I must bring my daughter there one day. We shopped until my credit card was maxed out. After dark Greenwich Village turned in to a completely different scene. It reminded me of Hollywood after dark. The people and places become almost unrecognizable once the sun goes down. I’m sure I’d learn to adjust if I had lived there, but now wasn’t the time to experiment. It was time to head back to the Hotel Edison where we had booked a couple nights. Just in case I’d forgotten that I was in New York, the gunshots in the streets below that night reminded me.

Throughout the trip I begged and pleaded with Aleta to ride the subways and walk through Central Park. She was too afraid to do either one of them our first trip to the Big Apple and I felt cheated. However, on the second time around, I was finally able to convince her. We rode the subway to the World Trade Center and had a slice of pizza. I’m so grateful for that moment in time. I actually sat in the World Trade Center and enjoyed a slice of New York Style Pizza. I also fulfilled another dream of mine and walked through Central Park. Actually, rushed through was more like it. No doubt wiser, Aleta didn’t have the fearless adventuring attitude that I had.

Obviously wisdom has left us one late night we were walking the streets of New York and had taken a wrong turn down an alley, hoping was a short cut. We were quickly met by two of New York’s finest. They informed us that two pretty young ladies had no business walking down that alley and they offered us a ride. Another “brilliant” decision of mine was to actually get IN their car and let them drive us back to New Jersey. I, of course, was hoping to get a date out of the whole situation.

Looking back to the Greenwich Village tour, I remind you that I said I had charged up my credit card. This was the beginning of the most, shall I say, ridiculous, portion of our adventure. Not only did I find out that credit card approval machines can make a loud, embarrassing beeping sound when they’re maxed out. I also learned that the line of credit Citibank graciously granted me was all I was going to get. I had to use the remainder of my cash to pay for what was left of the hotel room bill. Penniless and desperate, we spent the night sleeping with one eye open in the Port Authority bus station. We had just enough to pay for the bus to get us to the airport. Thanks to our young and foolish hearts, Aleta and I shared an adventure that was a dream come true. We actually considered moving there after college, but I couldn’t bare to leave California’s beaches and Aleta wasn’t about to uproot her son, Dennis. New York will always be one of my favorite places to visit.

Life After College

            One of the proudest moments of my young life was when I moved in to my own studio apartment in Fullerton. I had graduated from Cal State Fullerton with the sad grade point average of 2.9 and worked as a counselor in a group home for teens. My first and only real career job was full of adventures ranging from an earthquake to two teens wanting to kill me. As much as I wanted to have a fulfilling career helping people, there were too many omens that tried to show me the way out. It was not meant to be.

Happy birthday to me on October 1st, 1987 when a 6.0 magnitude earthquake ended my graveyard shift. The kids were still asleep when it happened around 7:30 am. The whole house started shaking and I leapt over the couch to get the kids under the doorways. They simply ignored me with a moan, turned over in their beds, and said to leave them alone. After all, it was only an earthquake. Californians were used to them. I was a nervous wreck. What if it had been the “big one?” Here I was responsible for 6 teenagers and practically a kid myself. It gave me some perspective and I started to realize that maybe this profession wasn’t for me. I wasn’t mature enough to handle this job. Before long I found myself dating the graveyard shift counselor, Mike. He was an amazingly and fun guy to hang with. His side job was being the music producer for the has-been Molly Hatchet band and some old guitarist who used to be with the Guess Who. We had a ton of fun together but it was never true love. I was waiting for true love a couple years down the road. Back to the maturity level, this fling with Mike landed me a demotion to part time counselor with lesser responsibilities. They felt I just wasn’t quite ready and they were right. I continued working there plus part time at another group home in hopes that I could improve my skills. I still thought I was meant to save the world.

I felt like my life was out of control. Most of my friends had graduated from college and started their careers in accounting and teaching. Here I was almost 24 years old and what had I accomplished? I was at my most unhealthy period of my life. I was gaining weight due to poor eating habits, drinking too much, and never exercising. My self-esteem had hit an all time low.  I was incredibly lonely and felt a despair I’d never known. Although I was quite poor, I should have had a good life. I had a wonderful boyfriend who treated me like a queen, and I was still living far enough away from Porter Circle. Yet I was lonely and very unhappy with my life. I rarely saw my friends and spent hour outside of work watching TV and eating junk food. I knew I had to do something to turn my life around. The only positive aspect of this time period was that I threw myself in to my writing by taking a screen-writing class at a Chapman Community College. I’d found a healthy outlet. That was until the professor kept hitting on me! Another lesson learned the hard way. What was it with me and college professors?

My social work career was clearly over about as fast is it started. A year and a half later, I was making less money than some of the people I was trying to help. One day the police came to my door to warn me that one of the kids from the group home had escaped from the group home and was determined to hunt me down and kill me. Apparently I reminded him of his mother. Nice. My boyfriend stayed with me that entire night until the kid was arrested. The last straw was when one of the teenagers in the home tried to set me on fire because I had her on restriction. I locked myself in the office, called the police, and put an end to my social work career. I decided that $6.50 an hour wasn’t worth it and it was time for a change. After five years of college and changing my major three times, I finally realized that I wasn’t meant to be.

Life after college obviously didn’t go as I’d planed. I envisioned myself in a cushy government job working as a social worker, and I ended up working in the field for only a year and a half. Surprisingly it took that long for me to realize that I was never cut out to be a social worker. I wasn’t cut out to bring home a paycheck less than the clients I was helping. I wasn’t cut out to have my life threatened twice because I reminded some kid of his psycho mother. So I made ends meet by telemarketing the LA Times. I no longer cared about helping people, and just cared about a paycheck. I decided that I needed out of Orange County and convinced my ex-roomie Aleta to move to San Diego with me. As much as I didn’t want to be roomies with my friend again, I missed the beach and couldn’t afford it on my own. Good thing I did because that was how I met the love of my life and soul-mate, Steve Bement.

So Aleta and I began our San Diego adventure with fancy apartment three miles from the beach and a promise of a job with the LA Times. Of course it was karma that when we arrived for our first day of work, we were laid off. Within hours I was out looking for a new job at various temp agencies. I just signed my life away to some fancy apartment on the beach. I needed a job pronto! Thanks to me, I landed both me and Aleta jobs with Telecheck collecting on bad checks. Not exactly an “aim for the stars” career job, but it was a paycheck. Thank God I did as fate would have it, a handsome young man named Steve Bement also worked there.

Love of my Life

            I have a few good stories to tell about my Telecheck days. The most important story involved happy hours, and ulcer and a boyfriend. To this day it’s no secret that my eating habits leave room for improvement. This combined with frequent happy hours with the Telecheck crew cursed me with an ulcer. I was already dating two guys. Both were good men I just didn’t happen to be in love with. One night at Aleta’s and my annual Oscar party, I came with my date Greg, and ended the evening with Steve. Our other roommate Mike had been insisting for months that I had it bad for Steve. Yet the clueless part of me continued to play the field. I’d always thought he was totally cute, but kind of proper and a bit nerdy looking. Of course, tall, dark, and handsome with a touch of nerdy was right up my alley. On top of that, he was a very sharp dresser. It wasn’t until the morning after a wild happy hour night of drinking and dancing that I realized two things. One, hangovers on weekdays were for the birds, and two; I had fallen in love with my co-worker. He wrote me little love letters and tossed them over our desks. We also couldn’t stop talking about movies. We spent every Thursday night at a restaurant called The Rusty Pelican drinking Tom Collins and playing a trivia game. Finally the hangovers came after having just one drink and I knew a trip to the doctors was next. I had an ulcer. Steve had to suffer through my cancelled dates and many nights staying home sick. After about 4 months of no alcohol and a lot of Tagaments, I lost the ulcer and luckily kept the Steve.

The other good story involves a healthy mixture of curlers and stupidity. My grandfather gave me his 2 tickets to the 40th birthday party for CBS, and I had every intention of mingling to market my screenplays. I had a couple scripts in my car and I was determined to meet someone in the biz. I hadn’t quite realized that I wasn’t cut out to be a screenwriter. Anyways, Aleta attended the shindig with me. We were stunning in our Nordstrom cocktail dresses, and we set off on our journey to make it big. I can just imagine the laughter the valets must have enjoyed as we pulled up in my 1971 Chevelle. I came to work with curlers in my hair because I couldn’t care less about my job with Telecheck, I was focused on the evening ahead and I had to look my best! It didn’t take long at all before I was called in to the manager’s office. After getting her laughter under control, she instructed me to take the curlers out. It goes without saying, I did not mingle nor did I meet anyone important that night. We had a great time and I came out of it with a good story.

Lake Tahoe

            I knew this would be an interesting wedding when we saw the minister himself was out shoveling snow just before the ceremony. It was a chilly 11 degrees out and our families from the beach made their way through the snow to witness our wedding. I was fortunate to have Aleta there to help me get ready and keep me calm.

Steve and I had been together for over a year and had decided our money would be better spent buying a house instead of a wedding. Since we were both raised at the beach, we decided to take the Lake Tahoe route. We tried to elope, but thankfully our family and friends followed us. It was a quaint chapel in Lake Tahoe and it was our little wedding could not have been any more perfect. We played our song “All I ask of You” by Andrew Lloyd Webber and I remember barely being able to catch my breath. I never wanted a big wedding. I had been in a few and why anyone would want to subject themselves through all that stress and financial debt is beyond me.

We treated everyone a very nice dinner down the hill at the Balley’s hotel in Reno, and then parted ways. Steve and I enjoyed skiing in Tahoe, explored Virginia City, and then spent Christmas with our families. I would rather have gone to Europe, but again was against going in to debt. The day after I married Steve I already started planning my 10 year anniversary! We cruised the Caribbean with Shannon and it was a memorable trip. The day after that trip I started planning our 20 year anniversary trip to Italy. I’m now celebrating my 20th year of being married to the most amazing guy on the planet. No Europe again, but the cozy bed and breakfast vacation will be fabulous.

Shannon

            I never wanted to be a mother. I always wanted to marry my true love, but children? I was convinced that I’d screw them up royally. Yet 17 years later, much to my surprise, Steve and I have raised the most beautiful, smart, and independent young woman imaginable. Everyone had Steve and me convinced that Shannon was going to be a boy, so we had the name Ryan Christopher Bement all picked out. However, much to my extreme delight, she was a girl! With the exception of the first few months when I thought she’d never stop crying, Shannon has been a dream child. I figured God was looking out for me by blessing us with the easiest child to raise. We went through the usual soccer, ballet and tap dancing lessons—she even tried singing lessons. But of course, I had to go and put ice skates on her! She said she didn’t like roller skating and wanted to know if she could ice skate like she saw on TV. Over enthusiastic mother that I am, I put her right in to lessons. I knew full well that it was a sport for the rich, but I figured she’d quit it within 6 months like she always did. Six years later, she had blossomed into a far, far better skater than I ever even hoped to be. Our credit cards were always maxed out but the pride and self-confidence it gave her was worth every single penny! That was until she turned 12 and had the figure of a 16 year old! The doubles were just too much for someone of her height, and she finally gave it up during the summer before junior high.

After 17 years, each day is filled with amazement by how she’s grown and how much I learn from her. I’m beyond proud of the young woman she’s turned in to, and I’ve realized that I must have done a few things right after all.

The Odd Trio

            I don’t think that three best friends have ever been so different than Aleta, Marcy, and I. This odd trio of friendship has been one of the best parts of my life. All three of us have strong opinions on certain subjects, we rarely agree on anything, and yet we respect and learn from each other’s view points. I’ve been friends with Aleta for over twenty-five years, and Marcy about seventeen years. We have a bond that’s strong enough to transcend politics, unsolicited advice, and hardships. Marcy and I have even talked about moving some place beautiful and sharing a very large house together once the kids are out on their own. I can just imagine it, a commune on a beach somewhere. Somewhere near plenty of shopping, that is. Truthfully though, the commune idea would never work as I have no doubt we’d kill each other living in one house. Truly Marcy and Aleta my best friends in the world.

Living the Good Life Now

        Twenty years of marriage, and one beautiful 17 year old daughter later, my life couldn’t be any richer. Rich with love, rich with stability, and rich with pure joy. Without a doubt the two most wonderful moments of my life were my marriage to Steve and Shannon’s birth. Although leaving the California beach was difficult, it was one of the best decisions we have ever made. We moved to Colorado in the summer of 1991. Living so far away from the OC and my parents has been life-changing. I am now 1200 miles away from the dysfunctional and violent household that unfortunately my mother and brother have chosen to stay in. They constantly make excuses about how they feel trapped and have no choices. It’s so sad that they cannot see past the insanity and leave.

Steve, Shannon, and I now live at the base of the Rocky Mountains in Littleton, Colorado and it’s become the most wonderful place to call home. However, I will always  miss the beach so much I swear it hurts. My bedroom is Caribbean themed and I listen to ocean waves as often as I can. Every time we go back home to visit our relatives and friends, we always visit the beach. I just don’t feel complete until I kick off my shoes and squeeze the sand between my toes at least once a year. I stay active with my Space:1999 fellow fans online and attend a convention when I can. I have made the most amazing friendships with a group of sci-fi fans here in Denver and we call ourselves the Johnny Snows. I have finally found the confidence to put my fan fiction stories on line for all to enjoy, and, have written and directed a video, and am running a podcast. The show biz blood in me was too strong to resist. At 47 years young, I am the happiest and most content that I’ve ever been in my life. No one seems to understand the constant smile on my face. It’s sad that they just can’t relate. Not only do I have the most wonderful husband and daughter, best friends, and faith that God is looking out for me. I have a peace and contentment that shocks most people, considering that I had come out of the most dysfunctional county and family in America. When I tell people about all the crazy stories of my growing up, they’re shocked at how I turned out. No doubt I’m frequently a little “off”, but I somehow was able to grow up sane.

The End

The moment was too perfect and inside her heart, Ruby knew it. She was sitting on a Northern California beach enjoying the dismal cloudy weather. There was no stopping her smiles while she starred off into the grey ocean waters. She allowed her eyes to close and began flashing back to memories of a Wales coastline where a sunny day was a treat. After a deep breath she remembered so well the fog and rocks that covered the shoreline. She was sitting on the sand; just she was now, waiting for something…or someone. Eyes still closed she smelled a flower and smiled as the arm of a handsome young man presented her with a bouquet of wild flowers. Before she could turn around to see who it was, the moment was broken. Back to reality, she turned to see Sam Winchester kneeling beside her with a two decadent coffee drinks.
“Nice!” she exclaimed gripping the coffee to warm her hands.
Mouth laced with whipped cream, she allowed a brief childish giggle as Sam leaned over to kiss the topping from her lips. The coffees were quickly tossed aside as Sam suddenly forced Ruby on to her back. No words were spoken as Sam caressed her thighs, slowly making his way up her blouse. Neither of them even bothered to look around for any spectators. Neither of them cared. Before she knew it, Sam had ripped open her blouse and started passionately kissing her breasts, while inching one hand down her jeans. For just a moment, she felt human again. It had been far too long.

Twenty-four Hours Earlier

The motel was even trashier than usual. The cork accent wall with gold speckled mirrors went abhorringly well with the amber colored hanging lamps. The avocado bathtub with the low shower head made it a challenge for the boys to get their showers in. Yet they’d had worse. Much worse. Dean awoke to the sound of a headboard banging loudly against the wall. The nightstand clock glared that it was only 3:00 am, and he let out a sigh of annoyance. Realizing that sleep was now hopeless, he switched on the light. Quickly he shook his head when he noticed Sam wasn’t in his bed. After dragging himself out from under the sheet, he looked out the window to discover the Impala was gone.
“Oh this night just keeps getting better and better,” he said aloud in disgust. He fell hard back on the bed and smashed the pillow over his head, hoping to block the angry thoughts that raced through his mind.
“Freakin Ruby, Sam? Really?” He mumbled in to this pillow.
What seemed like minutes later, the door opened and the light pierced Dean’s eyes. It was Sam. He tossed a box of doughnuts on the old 70′s style table, set down two cups of coffee, and plopped in to the nearest chair.
“Sleeping in are we?” He asked sarcastically.
“Well at least one of us slept,” he said half awake. “Dude, where the hell were you all night?”
“What do ya mean?” Sam acted surprised.
“Cut the crap. I didn’t get much sleep with hooker-play land next door.”
“I was just out. Couldn’t sleep.” Quickly changed the subject, “So, I got us lattes for a change. Had to drive a ways. Didn’t feel like the usual crappy coffee this morning.”
“Lattes? Seriously?”
“Made yours a triple shot.”
“OK. Forgiven,” Dean said as he reached for his cup.”
The truth was the Winchester brothers both wanted out of this town as quickly as possible. With their work, they’d pretty much seen it all, but this place was especially dull. Dean harbored even more resentment towards Sam for choosing a little Oregon town without as much as a dive bar. The only place in town that served a drink was a crappy cafe that had only a beer and wine license. And he was fresh out of whiskey.
Still trying to avoid a discussion on where he was all night, Dean voiced his resentment.
“Sam, only you could find a case in a town with no booze.”
“What? Is that really what’s on your mind right now?”
“Just making an observation. Suppose the only food we’ll find are freakish salads and veggie burgers.”
“Dean?” Sam said annoyed.
“Truth hurt?”
Sam shook his head, let out a brooding sigh, and changed the subject. “So, I’m thinking this is an open and shut case we’re on.”
“Oh really?” Dean asked skeptically. “Burning the midnight oil in research mode all night, geek boy?”
“No, not really. I just have a feeling we’re dealing with a low level demon.”
“And you know this how?”
Sam didn’t answer, focused on his coffee.
“Look Sam. You suck at lying. Just ask Ruby how to gank this thing and we can get out of this ass-backwards town”
“Look Dean, I know what you think about her-”
“No you look, Sam. I can’t lie to you. First chance I get, Ruby’s on my list. Don’t get too attached to her.” Dean angrily grabbed his coffee, grabbed a doughnut, and slammed the door behind him.
Sam grabbed a doughnut and flung himself on to the bed. The truth was he was exhausted and didn’t mind the peace and quiet. He actually had squeezed in a bit of research during his night with Ruby and felt sufficiently accomplished. The connection he had with her felt disturbingly comfortable. Lately he felt more at ease with Ruby than with his own brother. There was no way Dean could ever understand, and he continually tried to convince himself that he didn’t really care. Flat on his back he gazed up at the ceiling and couldn’t think of anything but Dean’s disappointment in him. If his brother only knew how certain Sam was that he could kill the demon Lilith and stop the apocalypse. Sam would stop it. He was confident that he was the one. He knew his demon powers could be used for good.
For now all he felt was exhaustion. Sleep sounded so good right now. But suddenly the room was filled with a high pitched sound that broke the bathroom mirror and shook the windows. When Castiel appeared Sam let out a sigh of relief.
“I came to talk to you. Alone,” Cass announced.
“Sure. Of course,” Sam said willingly. “What can I do for you?”
“Die,” Cass answered plainly.
Sam immediately sprang from the bed and asked “What?”
“I’m sorry, Sam. I’d asked Dean to stop you. He was unsuccessful.”
Frozen in disbelief, he couldn’t flee. He just stood there knowing he was powerless to stop the angel.
“Wait!” Sam pleaded. “I’ll stop. You don’t have to do this.”
Sam recalled Dean telling him that God didn’t want him drinking the demon blood. His brother was right and now he could do nothing but close his eyes. Castiel reached out his hand and in an instant had summoned the demon killing knife Sam had hidden under his pillow. With one stroke he had stabbed Sam straight through the heart. As he collapsed all Sam could think about was how fitting it was that he was killed by his own demon killing knife.
“Sam! Sam, wake up!” Ruby shouted, shaking his shoulders.
Sam awoke from the nightmare with a deep, shaky breath. “God,” he gasped.
“You were having a nightmare,” she said trying to comfort him. She sat next to him on the bed and rubbed his back, trying to calm him. “You’re fine now.”
Sam wasn’t so sure.

While walking along the beach they discovered a cave. Although both were anxious to explore it, they used the time to work on Sam’s demon exorcism skills. However, this lasted only a few minutes as with one maneuver, Sam ended up throwing Ruby hard up against the stone wall.
“Crap! Sorry about that,” He apologized.
Ruby burst in to laughter. She was pleased with his progress. “Sam, you have no idea how far you’ve come. You’re truly a natural at this.”
Hearing this bothered Sam and he walked out of the cave. Pensive.
“What?” She followed him and asked.
“Nothing. Hey, how about I get us something to drink? I’m going to run up to the coffee house. I need some caffeine.”
“You need something else, baby. Your blood supply must be running low by now.”
“No, caffeine will do fine. I’ll be back in a few,” He reassured.
With no desire to remain in the dark, damp cave, Ruby ventured out for a walk on the beach while waiting for Sam to return. Happily dragging her bare feet through the sand, she had not felt this content in hundreds of years. Retaining her human memories was more of a curse than a blessing. Back in the 1300′s, she was a witch who had sold her soul to a demon named Tammi. After many years of unspeakable torture in hell, she finally chose to become a demon. She was always obedient and had quickly discovered how easily the demon life came to her. Deceiving Sam was so natural because deep down she remembered what it was like to be human. The only problem was that sometimes she lost herself in the pleasure of his company. If it weren’t for her task, she’d have stayed with Sam and built a life with him. However, there was no way she’d stray from her task. Sam was meant to let Lucifer out of Hell, and she had a job to do.

It wasn’t long until Sam was back, had tossed the coffees aside, and had ripped open her blouse. He started passionately kissing her breasts, while inching one hand down her jeans. The body she inhabited was a pleasing one, both to Sam and to Ruby. She was grateful that it still functioned well enough to enjoy the sex she often shared with Sam. As Sam touched her, she let out a gasp and then a smile. But at this point, all she wanted to do was please Sam. She reached up to run her slender fingers through Sam’s long wavy hair, then found their way up his back. She gasped with pleasure as her fingernails dug in to Sam’s skin. Suddenly, with almost too much force, she flipped to position Sam on the bottom, hurting him slightly.
“Ahh,” Sam gasped in pain. “Damn, Ruby.”
“Oh…sorry.” She smiled a devilish smile and began kissing him hard.

She could tell he loved every minute of it. Until she heard a strange pounding from off in the distance. “Hear that?”
“Hear what? Don’t stop,” Sam begged.
She was too distracted by this point. The moment was lost.
Through her now open eyes she saw Sam sucking the blood from her arm. Being thrown back in to reality was a disappointment.
“Answer the door. It’s Dean,” she said.
In no time Sam was up, blood whiped from his lips, and he had thrown on only his boxers. Quickly he lifted the security lock from its hinge to let Dean in.
“Discussing the case?” Dean asked sarcastically.
“As a matter of fact, yes. And don’t give me any crap, Mr. One-night-stand.” Sam retorted.
Dean glanced over to the bed and in no time spotted a few drops of blood on the sheets. “Bull shit.”
“I’ll leave you two to your brotherly angst,” Ruby announced.
“Actually, no you won’t.” Dean advised.
Ruby suddenly realized that she couldn’t leave. She glared at Dean as he pulled an area rug away to reveal a devil’s trap. Ruby wasn’t going anywhere.
“Should have wondered why there was a nice area rug in a dump like this,” Ruby admitted. “Sam?” She turned to Sam, angrily.
“This isn’t funny, Dean.” Sam said.
“No it’s not. She’s gotta go, Sammie. I’m sorry.” Dean explained.
Dean walked past Sam trying to grab the knife from under Sam’s pillow.
Sam effortlessly snatched it from him and said “I’ll do it myself.”
“Sam?” Ruby gasped in disbelief. “What the hell?”
Sam slowly walked over to Ruby, got down on his knees, and said “Forgive me.” She shook her head in shock. Suddenly Sam turned to meet Dean’s eyes, as he’d meant that statement for him. Swiftly he scraped off a line through the devils trap and Ruby was gone.
Not that Dean was the least bit surprised, he asked “Are you kidding me?”
“There’s no reason to kill her,” Sam answered back. “We still need her.”
“You mean you still need her.”
Dean had had enough of the deceit, and enough of his brother. Without a word he grabbed the Impala keys, his duffle bag, and left. After slamming in a cassette tape, he skidded off for the next town over. Surely it would have a bar with whiskey and he was long overdue for a drink.

The End

Helena Russell relaxed in her office chair, hands back of her head, starring at the ceiling and smiling. After drawing a breath of satisfaction, she spoke. “Are we talking proportions, here?”
Maya circled Helena like a hawk with a look of disbelief on her face. “Isn’t it true that the T-Rex may have been no more than a scavenger? He did have awfully little arms.”
Helena gently spun around in her chair not saying a word, smiling.
“But seriously? The size of his hands could indicate a less than satisfactory size of his—“
Helena cuts her off. “You’re just going to have to take my word for it, Maya. In T-Rex’s case, there’s a reason why they called him the king of the pre-historic jungle.”
Maya fell in to a nearby chair, rolled her eyes, and sighed. “I just don’t see the logic in it.”

72 Hours Earlier

Tony Verdechi strolled down Moonbase Alpha’s corridor with a look of contentment. No only had he realized the benefits of having a metamorph for a girlfriend, he knew he was truly in love. God’s honest, no denying it true love. The only thing that concerned him was, was he enough for her? He wasn’t sure the way to her heart was through her taste buds. His homemade brew was still a dubious 5 on a 1-10 scale. Shaking his head he made his way to Command Center where he ran in to John Koenig.
Quickly he replaced his smile with a look of professionalism. “Evening, John.”
“Tony,” John acknowledged as they met in front of the Command Center’s doors. The changing of the guard as Tony replaced John for the day shift. “Any issues?” Tony asked.
“None what-so-ever,” John tried to make it out the doors until Tony added, “Ah hey, we still on for the chess re-match?”
“Oh yea, yea. Maybe after my morning conference.”
“Of course,” Tony responded. Chuckled to himself. “I’ll catch you later.”
John continued down the hallway while Tony made himself comfortable in the commander’s chair. Slowly swinging around in the chair, trying not to laugh. “Morning conference. Right!”
“Yasko?” Tony asked.
“Yes sir,” she responded eagerly.
“Anything to report?”
“Well sir,–“
“Actually, fill me in later,” he cut her off.  “I’ll wait for Sandra to come on shift.”
Yasko turned around, slouched in her chair with disappointment.

Helena anxiously granted John access to her quarters with her comlock. John entered the room and swore aloud that in front of him was a vision of a goddess. He figured she was mis-named Helena and should of course have been named Aphrodite. The fact that she always tried to greet John with next to nothing on and a sultry smile unrecognizable to anyone else on the base.  No one but her closest friends, John, Maya, and Sandra would ever know of Helena’s alter-ego.

There she lay in her sexy off the shoulder dress and John was on top of her in no time. The two ran the base with the same intensity they shared in their sex. Being the commander and the chief medical officer offered them little time together. No words were exchanged during their well deserved passionate release. Just some powerful gasps of pleasure emanated from their mouths. Never a disappointed time alone as John knew all the sweet spots.

Helena awoke to a ringing door comlock to find John had slipped out. She tried her best to ignore it but their insistence was annoying. Still comfortably nude, she answered the ring without the view screen. It was Maya.

“Helena?” She asked.

For Maya, she would make an exception and opened the door. After three years stranded in space, other than John, Maya had become her closest friend. Both needed each other’s confidence and friendship.

Maya darted in to find Helena relaxed on her bed wearing only her pajama robe.

“Is this a bad time?” Maya asked.

“An hour ago it would have been,” Helena said with a smile. “No, you’re fine. Come on in.”

“We tried something new!” she announced enthusiastically.

“Metamorph or human?”

“Metamorphosis of course. Not sure what other human ways are left.”

“You know that Tony loves you for who you are. You don’t have to change for him,” Helena advised.

With a childlike smile, Maya proclaimed, “Oh you’re just jealous.”

Helena laughed in admission because of course Maya was right.     “Describe the “something new”, Helena begged.

On a Moonbase of less than three hundred men and women there were no secrets as to who was banging whom. After three years of being stranded with limited choices, maintaining a private relationship was impossible. They were humans with needs, after all.

Alan Carter could often be found in the recreation area pumping iron. Not only was it vital to stay in shape, it was his chance to show off to the ladies. With the exception of the alternate universe marriage to Regina, Alan was a confirmed bachelor. Though it had been his montra for years, let’s face it. He had no shot with Helena, whom he had wanted to do since day one. John had foiled those plans within weeks of his appointment to Alpha. John and Helena’s chemistry was undeniable. Alan kept focus on the fact that there were plenty of other fish in the Sea of Tranquility. With that thought, Alan trusted the dumbbells in to the air as Bill Fraiser approached him.

“Need a spot?” Bill offered.

“Nope, I’m good,” Alan answered with a painful grunt.

“Uh huh,” Bill laughed in disbelief.

Alphans had become experts with a quick reaction time to a crisis. In less than a minute, John, Helena, and Maya had joined Tony in Command Center. Someone in hydroponics had reported a mysterious fog-like substance that had knocked some staff unconscious.

John barked orders to the maintenance and security teams to investigate. Helena instructed a medical team to the site. Maya was working with Sandra who had just come on shift to determine the origin of the fog.
“Maya?” John shouted. “Anything?”
“Analyzing now, sir.”
“Let’s not waste time, John. Evacuate section C,” Helena suggested.
“Sandra?” John ordered.
“Yes sir, I’m on it,” she replied.
“And seal off all vents leading directly to Command Center.”
“Yes sir,” she again replied.
John began to pace the floor impatiently, hoping for the results of the analysis. Instead of that he was suddenly flooded with reports of unconscious personnel from around the base. Instantly he knew what had to be done. With the press of one button, he was on speaker with the base. “Attention all sections Alpha. This is Commander John Koenig. With the exception of the crews investigating the fog, I’m ordering an immediate evacuation of all personnel to the catacombs. I repeat. All sections evacuate to the catacombs immediately. Please remain calm. You will be notified when it’s safe to return. Koenig out.”
“John, I’ve got to get to Medical Center,” Helena insists.
“Absolutely not! Direct the situation from here. Haven’t we learned our lessons from the first two seasons?”
Helena contacts Medical Center directly. “Bob, the evacuation includes you. There are no critical patients, so move everyone to the catacombs. Grab what emergency first aid kits that you can carry.”
“Yes doctor,” Bob replied with equipment in hand. He was already on top of it.
Helena maintained communication with the team at the site of the first disturbance. They reported that they men were unconscious with no apparent damage.
Their breathing was shallow but the vitals were good. However, none of the affected had regained consciousness and it had been almost an hour.
“Where’s Alan and Tony?” Maya asked.
Organized as always, Sandra replied “They were both headed to Section C to investigate the fog.”
Alan and Tony were running down the corridor leading to Section C when Alan stopped them dead in their tracks.
“What!” Tony shouted.
“Don’t go in to the mist!” Alan said.
“And why the hell not?” Tony asked then continued walking towards the fog.

“Retha? Hello!” He should sarcastically.

“Uh, funny thing about that storyline. I wasn’t IN IT!” Just as Tony was explaining, his eyes faded to a blank stare and he fell back, passed out cold.

“No one listens to me,” Alan exclaimed as he turned to race back the other direction hoping to locate gas masks. He made it for about 20 steps, gasped, and then fell to his knees.

“Shit,” he whispered.

Tanya was running from another corridor and found the pair passed out in the hallway. She leaned down to check Alan’s pulse, and then quickly passed out beside him. Alan was in and out of consciousness and swore he heard Tanya say, “Are those your horns or are you just glad to see me?” With a puzzled look on his face, his head fell back hard to the floor. He was finally out cold.

Back in Command Center, they were receiving reports that the catacombs were no longer protected. The fog had permeated all of Alpha. They knew they were next.  Suddenly, Helena took a deep breath and darted out the Command Center door. She felt she could make it to where there might be gas masks stored.

“Helena no!” John shouted. “Lock this door behind me,” He instructed and then chased after her.

Amazingly enough it wasn’t at all strange for them to walk empty corridors of Moonbase Alpha. John continued to yell at her to come back to Command Center while she continued stubbornly to hold her breath. They were close to Life Support when they both collapsed.
Helena didn’t recall ever making it to the entrance to the catacombs, yet there she was. With the press of a button the door slid open. Without warning she was knocked flat on her back by a creature that looked like a T-Rex dinosaur. She tried hard to catch her breath.
Before she could shout for help, she noticed that her hands were lizard-like claws. “What the ff–” she couldn’t even complete a sentence. In shock, she tried hard to push the giant creature off her. With one stroke of her right claw, the creature jumped back.
“Dammit, Helena! Manicure much?” The voice shouted.
It made no sense but she knew the T-Rex was John Koenig. Then before she knew it, another dinosaur came darting towards John. Knocked him clean off his feet. Alan Carter went for Helena.
The spikes on his tail appeared to be that of a Triceratops.
“Three years, Helena! Three! You could do better.” Alan announced.
John was back on his feet and lunged for Alan with a vengeance.
He had him pinned and Helena couldn’t help but smile. While struggling, Alan’s long and large tail was flailing from side to side. A voice broke the tension with a bang.

“Is that your tail, Alan, or are you just glad to see me?” Sultry voice of Tanya. With great force, Alan pushed John off and made his way over.

“I’m here, baby,”

Helena pulled herself to her feet. Now feeling more comfortable in her new surroundings, she made the move for the T-Rex she knew was hers and hers alone. Off in the distance she heard Alan and Tanya.

“Yea, that’s the spot.”

“Where? That’s not the usual spot,” Alan Exclaimed.

“A little lower….faster….brilliant!” Tanya said.

Helena awoke, just barely conscious. She pulled herself to her feet, fought through the headache and nausea she assumed the entire base will soon be suffering from, and dragged herself through the Life Support doors. She increased the oxygen levels and sped up the air purifying pumps.  Exhausted, she rested her back against the wall and slid to the floor. Smiling. It wasn’t long until John found her and checked to make sure she was okay. With slow and purposeful breaths, she whispered “little…arms, but big—” She passed out with a smile on her face.

The End

Forever Watcher

The moon couldn’t break through the fog and Tina rushed through the narrow alley cursing the fact that she had to work that night. Her thoughts were of plans that a normal 18 year old girl should be looking forward to on a Friday night. Not waiting tables on the night shift at the diner. She fumbled for her lighter as she knew she had about five short minutes to squeeze in a quick smoke. “Dammit,” she said aloud as she searched through her coat pockets for a cigarette. Her search didn’t slow her pace and before she knew it, she had arrived at the diner. After she glanced at her watch she ducked behind the building and smoked what she had time for. With each drag, she tried to release the anger so that she could at least pretend to be pleasant. A pissed off waitress won’t make good tips, she said to herself. Hoping some lipstick would help with the tips, she applied a layer of cherry red. Tina ran her fingers vigorously through her almost black hair, trying to fluff her bob-style haircut. The contrast between her dark hair, red lips and pale skin make her strikingly beautiful. And Tina desperately needed tips this weekend. Rent was due on Monday and she knew full well her grandmother didn’t have it all. She would need to contribute. Tina Davies had lived with her grandmother for the past 3 years after the death of her parents. She’d dropped out of secondary school and started working. Classes were never challenging enough for her and the only inspiration she had in life was to make as much money as she could working as little as she could. She found she had a knack for dealing pot and had a decent sized clientele. Most of her drug-dealing money she put aside for future travel plans. She dreamed she’d backpack through Europe on her own. Leaving every care behind her for an entire summer. One day, maybe. Patience she had plenty of knowing that she’d make her dream a reality one day. “Bullocks,” she said angrily as she checked her watch. As she twisted her foot to crush out the cigarette, she heard a faint humming sound. If she didn’t know any better, she thought it sounded like a locust. She squinted and tried to see what was down the alley, but nothing was there. She rolled her eyes and made her way to the back door of the diner. Just as she opened the door, she thought she heard a faint sound of crying. She looked again and saw nothing. “Must be my imagination. Better lay off the weed,” she mumbled. What Tina didn’t see was just around the corner. There lay a middle-age woman motionless on the ground. Her wrap around dress was torn, heels broken off one shoe, and she still had her purse. Clearly this was not a mugging. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and it was apparent that she was paralyzed. There was terror in her eyes as she was slowly covered by a large shadow. Then all fell silent.

*        *        *

Rupert Giles was grateful for the empty bus ride back from the beach tonight. In the back of the bus he sat alone, eyes closed, contemplating his future. He didn’t like the beach during the day. Too crowded. He endured the long bus ride to the beach once a week around twilight so he’d miss all the people. He had set out to distance himself not only from people in general, but also his old friends. It was his friends with whom he was involved that ended up getting his best friend killed. Something that would forever haunt him. His passion for music had left him and he’d quit the band. Although, he still often carried his guitar with him to the beach…hoping that inspiration would someday return to him. He was, after all, only twenty-four. Before he knew it, the bus had made its stop in front of a small old stone building. It was a library that had stood for well over 100 years. The back room was the secret entrance for the Watcher’s Council. He snuck in hoping no one would notice how late he was, found a seat in the back, and quietly cracked open his notebook. “Mr. Giles,” an elderly woman welcomed him. If he’d known that his grandmother Emma was presiding over the meeting tonight, he would have shown up on time. Everyone, including his father, turned around to cast their disapproving glares. After a deep breath he replied modestly “Sorry ‘bout that.” “Indeed,” Emma added then turned her attention to the room.  “This evening we’re going to pair up with our trainers and work on our fencing skills. Hope everyone is limber and ready.” Rupert smiled with satisfaction. He got to miss all the boring stuff and get right to what he actually looked forward to. Rupert kept himself in shape so he was always ready for the physical training. After his life-changing experience with the vampire that murdered his mother, he felt he should always keep himself in shape to be prepared. Watchers had the advantage of knowing what was really hiding in the shadows. The council moved to a big open room with mirrors and high ceilings. There was a large cabinet in the back with heavy duty locks keeping it safe. Inside the cabinet were a myriad of weapons from swords to crossbows. There were a few wooden stakes on hand, but watchers preferred to carve their own. Rupert’s trainer was a middle-aged, good looking woman who enjoyed sparring with him. There was no secret as to why Barbara always chose Rupert to spar. He usually took his shirt off in order to move freely and avoid damaging his clothes. Rupert took his stance first and positioned himself for the joust (sparing?). Barbara lunged first with a swift jab toward his middle. Easily pulling back he avoided her sword. With a quick response, he jabbed back only to meet her raised sword, well prepared. “Care for tea after?” Barbara asked while fighting. “Thanks, but I’ve gotta work tonight,” he replied firmly. “Another time then,” Rupert spun around and swung his sword towards her ankles, only to be met again by her sword. With this failed attempt he was thrown off balance and Barbara took full advantage. Barbara had him on the floor, flat on his back in no time. “Ouch,” Rupert exclaimed. Barbara offered her hand to help him back up. “With every move you make, you must be planning the follow up move.” Rupert quickly found is ready position again.

*           *           *

Rupert enjoyed the peace and quiet of the night shift security job at the museum. It was a boring job that gave him plenty of time to study for his watcher training. He was paid a small amount by the council which allowed him to only have to work part time. He passed the hours by reading and listening to his transistor radio. For some reason, Rupert had a tough time staying awake tonight. The studying only made him sleepy, so he did some calisthenics to keep his blood pumping. Finally 4:00 am rolled around and it was time to go home. Rupert was barely awake as he stumbled up the stairs. Carelessness made him drop his papers and a sudden breeze scattered them. “Shit!” he exclaimed, thinking he was alone. He ran down the few steps he’d climbed to grab his papers. To his dismay he caught sight of the glowing end of a cigarette. “Oh, sorry,” he stated. “Didn’t see you there.” “No worries,” she answered back. “I’d have said the same if I had to chase down my shit.” He laughed as he tried to get a better look at the young woman.  Slowly she emerged from behind the dark stairwell.  She was dressed in faded blue jeans with a black sweatshirt. It was Tina Davies. “Come here often?” He asked with a chuckle. “Every night,” she answered with confidence.  “It’s my hiding spot.” She paused, then said “I see you most nights.” “Do ya,?” He asked with a smile. “Yea. You never look very happy,” she observed. “No, probably not.” “I can help you with that,” she offered lifting her eyebrows in encouragement. “With what?” “Happiness. You interested?” “No, not really,” he said as turned to make his way up the stairs. “If you change your mind…” she added. Rupert was already at the top of the stairs and felt compelled to ask, “What’s your name?” After a long drag off her cigarette, she answered “Tina.” “Nice to meet you,” He smiled and continued on to this apartment.  The closing of his door was practically deafening against the silence of this complex. There was never anyone around when he got off work. He chose this retirement complex for the solitude and quiet. Being a recluse was all that he wanted. No complications, no involvements. As far as he was concerned, he’d be a bachelor the rest of his days.  Life was smooth and tolerable. He needed nothing more. First thing he reached for was a beer and then slumped in to his couch pondering what Tina was doing there every night. Certainly not a place for a teenager. He guessed she was about seventeen…eighteen maybe. He figured she was selling some sort of drugs. While he tried repeatedly to convince himself that he wasn’t interested, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Although he relished his solitude when he came home from either work or council meetings, he found himself looking forward to running in to Tina almost nightly. She had a raw charm he found refreshing after dealing with the stuffy people of the Watcher’s Council. A couple weeks had gone by and he finally decided to ask her age, wondering if it could lead to something else. “So Tina, not sure how to be polite about this so I’m just going to ask it. How old you are?” “Eighteen.” “Really,” “Why? Thinking about asking me out?” “Actually, yea.  I know a pub up the street open late. Wanna a grab a drink one night?” “Thought you’d never ask.  Was wondering if I’d have to make the first move there, Rupie.” “Ah, nicknames already?” “Hope you don’t mind. Rupert just doesn’t suit you.” “Blame my parents.” “What are you doing now? I’m thirsty,” she announced as she stomped out her cigarette. “Let me just put my stuff away,” he said with a smile. He made his way up the stairs.            Before long they were at a booth at the nearby pub enjoying some ale. He offered to pay and she said gladly. “I’ll never turn down a freebie. So Rupie, what’s up with all the books? You going to school?” “Sort of, yea.” “College? Night school?” “Kind of a unique school,” He said trying to avoid further questions. “Gotcha.” She paused for a long moment then asked, “So do you ever get high?” “Used to,” he answered. “What gives?” She questioned. “Long story.” “OK. Backing off now.  So what do you do for a paycheck?” Tina asked. “Work at the museum. Night security.“ “Boring.  Really? A museum? I wouldn’t have guessed.” “Boring, but it pays the rent. What about you?” “Diner up the street. Won’t be doin’ it for the rest of my life, right?” “’Course not. So what are you planning to do with the rest of your life?” He asked. Tina drew a deep breath and answered with confidence, “Something fabulous.” The two closed the pub down that night, and for the first time in a long time, Rupert had a smile that couldn’t be cracked.

*           *           *

An elderly woman was standing in the kitchen glaring at her teapot. “What is it about a watched pot?” She asked herself. While she was starring at her stove, her concentration was broken by a faint humming sound. She swore it was coming from the housing estate hallway. She shrugged her shoulders and proceeded to make her tea and milk. She gently stirred her tea in her favorite flowered cup as she slowly made her way to the bedroom. Suddenly she let out a shriek as she saw a large cockroach crawling in to her flat underneath the door. She stomped on it and chased it away, then proceeded to bed. “Oh the rich don’t have to deal with this!” She said, shaking her head in dismay. She slipped out of her robe, grabbed a book and enjoyed her tea. Within the hour, she was asleep.  Unaware that the cockroach had returned. Slowly it crept up her old lacy bedspread and made its way to her head. She stirred but nothing broke the concentration of the fabulous dream she was enjoying of living on a beach in Bali with servants and champagne.  Completely unaware that the giant bug had just laid eggs in her ear.

*           *           *

It was difficult for Rupert to fall asleep any time before midnight because of his late schedule. Most nights he would unwind to an interesting book and a whiskey. He tried to make time for books that had nothing to do with demons. One night his book reading was interrupted by the slightest noise at his door. There under the crack was handwritten note. He opened the door to find the hallway empty. The note was brief and said meet me in the park at 1:00 am. I’ll be on the swings. Tina. An excited smile broke across his face after checking his watch. “One am it is,” he said aloud. The park was right across the street from their housing estate. Although it was too small to have a street light, but the full moon lit up the park. There she was, swinging with carefree smile that practically lit up the park even better than the moon did. “Glad you could make it,” she started. He awkwardly sat in the swing next to her, not quite sure what to think. “Forgotten how to swing, have you?” She asked. “’Course not,” he said defensively. “Fun. It’s called fun. I asked you here tonight because you seem like someone who has forgotten how to let go.” “Not really, I—I just have a lot of my mind.” he answered back. “Well, let’s jog your memory,” She said she lit a joint. Motioning for Rupert to try it, this time he accepted. After a long drag, he sat motionless, starring off in to the distance. “It’s been a long time,” he added. “Too long!” Tina suddenly jumped behind his swing and gave him a good push. He barely moved. “OK hon, you’re going to have to help me a little, here.” Finally he laughed and lifted his feet. He jumped off the swing like a kid and rushed over to push Tina on the swing. She was giggling and happy like she hadn’t done in years. With one giant swing, something fell from her coat pocket. It was a list of youth hostels across Europe. “Going on a trip?” Rupert asked. “It’s nothing,” she dismissed as she fumbled for the papers. “Nothing? Why nothing? Staying in hostels is a great way to travel.” “Just a dumb ass dream of mine. I want to backpack across Europe for the summer, if I ever get enough money…and courage.” “Courage you’ve got.” he reassured. Suddenly they noticed a bobby had turned their direction. Quickly she hid the pot in her jeans pocket, pulled Rupert close to kiss him. The bobby walked closer and immediately kicked them out of the park. Within minutes they were in his apartment making love. He felt a sudden uncomfortable guilt as he was peeling off Tina’s clothes. “Oh God,” he thought to himself. “What if she’s a virgin?” Tina sensed his hesitation and promptly ripped his shirt off over his head, then pushed him forcefully on to the bed. “You take too long,” she quipped. He just lay there motionless. “WHAT?” She asked sarcastically. “This isn’t your first—I mean, I’m not your first–? She broke out in laughter,  “You’ve got nothing to worry about.” She climbed on top of him and moved her hand slowly down his pants. “Jesus, Rupie. You need to relax.”  Finally an energized smile broke across his face and he quickly reserved positions. The passion between the two of them was practically organic. The next morning, Tina stumbled out the door to grab the paper for her grandmother. She couldn’t help but notice the sweet old lady down the hall walking aimlessly towards the door of their neighbor. She appeared to be sleepwalking as she knocked gently on the door. “What could she possibly see in him?” She mumbled to herself. Tina loathed walking past the door to this man’s flat. There was always a putrid smell of death that emanated from that place. Neighbors were constantly leaving air fresheners outside his door and he never took the hint. The most unusual thing was that she’d only seen the back of his grey head. Her grandmother said he was just a lonely old man and a complete slob. She figured that his groceries must be delivered because he never leaves his flat. The door slowly opened for the old woman. Tina stood there with a feeling of uneasiness that something might be wrong. But what? It was just past noon and loud knocking and shouting disturbed her deep sleep. She pulled the pillow over her head in an attempt to ignore the noise. But the noise didn’t stop. She dragged herself out of bed to check out the disturbance. There was her grandmother starring out the door with a very worried look on her face. “Tina dear, it’s Mrs. Monson.” “What’s wrong?” She said as she joined her grandmother in the hallway. “Don’t know. She’s not answering her door.” There was Mrs. Monson’s daughter and grandchildren banging desperately on the door, shouting for an answer. Finally the apartment super showed and unlocked the door. There was no one home. Nothing but the burnt smell of a metal teapot sitting on the stove. They shouted her continuously shouted her name while searching the flat and the surrounding housing estate grounds. Not a trace. Tina stood under the stairwell anxiously waiting for Rupert to come home. She couldn’t wait to tell him about Mrs. Monson’s disappearance. She flicked her lighter off and on trying to pass the time until finally, Rupert strolled around the corner. The moment he rounded the corner, Tina caught his eye. “Bit cold out tonight,” He quipped. “Bloody cold,” She replied. “Hey Rupie, remember Mrs. Monson from 212?” “Oh yea. Nice lady.” “She’s disappeared. Her family’s so worried.” “Really,” he said matter of factly, “How sad. The police have any clues?” “None that I know of. Scary.” “Hmmm,” he scratched the back of his head. “Got time to come up to my place for a bit?” Rupert asked. She smiled, “Absolutely. Let me just finish my smoke and I’ll be up there in a minute.” Rupert smiled and started up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs he heard Tina let out a loud shriek. In an instant, he had dropped everything and was headed back down the stairs. “Tina!” He shouted desperately. Tina was pinned down by a 7 foot tall creature that looked like a cross between a man and a cockroach. She kicked and threw as many punches as she could muster, while Rupert already had his knife out and ready. The first place he stabbed the creature was his arm and red blood quickly flowed out. The creature grimaced in pain and turned his attention on Rupert. “Get outta here,” Rupert shouted to Tina. The creature knocked Rupert in to the wall and Tina fled around the corner, He felt relieved that at least she had escaped. Rupert was cocky. “Is that all you got. My 80 year old grandmother can punch harder than that,” Rupert quipped.  Actually, Emma still packed a good punch. Being on the watcher’s council herself, she was well trained. They continued the battle and it seemed that Rupert had the upper hand. The creature was slow with no real agility. He had it pined against the stairway, ready to strike what he’d hoped would be the final blow. Suddenly it spit a green sticky tar-like substance that almost covered Rupert’s neck and chest.  Rupert grabbed his chest, eyes glazed over and he fell hard to the ground. Incapacitated with a stabbing pain, he felt completely numb, and barely able to breathe. The creature just stood there, rocking back and forth, waiting to be able to eat his prey. Tina had just come back with a large pipe and started hitting the creature’s head over and over until it finally fled, leaving a trail of crimson blood. In between his very shallow breaths, he whispered, “Thanks,” Tina attempted to move Rupert, but had no success trying to lift him. “I’m calling an ambulance,” she insisted as she took off up the stairs to her flat. It wasn’t long at all until the ambulance came to find Rupert unconscious and Tina slouched next to him looking terrified. As they lifted him on to the gurney, she kept telling him that he’d be alright. A few hours after being admitted to the hospital, Rupert regained consciousness. Tina didn’t leave his side all night. “Go home, Tina. I’m sure your grandmother is worried,” Rupert told her. “I already phoned her. How are you feeling?” “I’m fine. Really. Whatever that thing hit me with has worn off.” “What the hell was that thing?” Rupert sighed, shook his head.” “Since when are monsters real?” She asked. He lay back and closed his eyes, suddenly flashing back to when the vampire brutally murdered his mother. Suddenly he was reliving it, reliving the pain and helplessness. He recalled being barely conscious as the vampire quickly drained his mother of her life. All he could see was red. Tina watched helplessly as she witnessed Rupert shaking, stirring in his sleep. She felt sorry for him and couldn’t help but feel a little frightened. Did she really want to know more about this man she’d fallen for? Rupert  slowly walked through his flat hallways, yearning for his own bed to sleep in. Strangely he noticed the creepy old man dragging a heavy tin trash can down the hallway. He just shook his head in shock that he ever took out the trash. On second glance he noticed that one of his arms was badly wounded, wrapped with a cloth with what looked like dried blood on it. He flashed back to a couple nights ago when he and Tina fought off the demon. Was there a connection? All at once, he had to see Tina. A good night’s rest would have to wait. The diner was unusually empty that night. Rupert sat alone in a booth sipping coffee, hoping the cigarette would quell his excitement a bit. He knew Tina was scheduled to work that night and was determined to surprise her. He’d gotten out of the hospital early. He’d made the decision to seriously pursue their relationship. There was no sense living a life of loneliness just because he was afraid of hurting someone. He deserved happiness. But Tina never showed. The manager told him she’d quit suddenly (when he brings him another refill. He threw down a quid for the coffee and darted out, straight to Tina’s flat. Grandma said she’d left town. Decided to start her backpacking adventure early. “Without even saying good-bye? How could she?” He thought. Somberly he dragged himself down the stairs to his flat, already making excuses for her. She’s young, impulsive, and not ready for a commitment. “Oh bugger that,” he said aloud.  “How DARE she!”  Then he looked up and saw her at seated in front of his door. Backpack full and ready to go. “Hey,” she said, still sitting, he joined her on the floor. He stared straight past her at the wall. Not quite willing to meet her eyes just yet. “Was at the diner,” He said. “Oh?” “Wanted to surprise you. They released me early,” he said with a half smile. “I see that,” She tried to look at him but he ignored her. “So…you’re off, eh?” He asked. “Rupie, I’m so sorry.” “So am I.” Still not looking at her. “It’s time for me to go. These past couple months have been amazing. And they’ve given me perspective.” She moved to sit right in front of him. He had no choice but to face her. “I’ve loved every minute with you, and I really think I might be in love with you.” She rolled her eyes, “Well what girl wouldn’t when her man risks his life to save her from a monster.” He smirked and looked down. She reached to lift his chin and said, “But I’m still a kid. I still have a life to experience…and I’ll be back.” Rupert felt his heart pound. He already knew that this was the end. It didn’t matter how many times he told himself that she was only 18, it still hurt. Tina had a life to experience and Rupert had a demon to hunt. He could hope that their paths would once again cross under the stairwell one night, but logically he knew it was over. The next night he was hard at work in the Watcher’s Council library. Research was tedious and essential. His father came to his side, gently put his hand on this shoulder, and said reassuringly, “All you all right, son? And I don’t mean the bruises on your face.” “I will be,” he answered without confidence. “Yes you will,” he said sternly. “Don’t really have a choice, do I?” His father shook his head. Rupert never even looked at him. There would be forever animosity towards his father, and his destiny. Nothing would ever resolve it. Rupert drew a deep cleansing breath and asked, “So, what do you know about cockroaches?” His father grabbed some books and sat next to his son. They had a job to do.

The End

Waiting for the Light

Helena Russell slept through her alarm for the first time in years. All she was aware of was that she was lying on a beach and had only an hour before her shift started at Kennedy Space Center. Her back relaxed firmly on the sand with her eyes closed and at perfect peace. She was soaking up every ray of the sun. She couldn’t remember a time when she felt such contentment. She was shocked to be pulled back to reality. She felt disbelief that she was no longer laying on the beach back home in Florida. Her eyes slowly focused in on the stark white walls and the pitch black darkness of space outside her windows. She took a couple deep breaths and tried to bring herself back to reality.

For the past few weeks it was a struggle for her just to get out of bed.  She hadn’t had feelings of hopelessness like this since her husband Lee had died many years ago. Lately the only motivation she experienced was when there was a crisis with a patient. Unfortunately these instances were far too frequent lately. She wished she wasn’t Chief Medical Officer in charge of the health and well-being of a base full of tired and desperate people. They were no longer people from Earth searching for a home. They were now Alphans…inhabitants of a floating moon displaced from their true home, their families, and their friends. It had been almost five years since the moon was blasted away from Earth’s orbit, and so far they had not found a habitable planet on which to settle. Most everyone on the base had lost the hope of finding such a home.

It had been almost a year since they passed by a planet. It felt like they were at the end of the universe and they haven’t been close to any light of a nearby star. There had not been any excitement or trouble to speak of. Most everyone had struggled through the previous years waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. They felt pretty certain that there would eventually be a habitable planet on which to settle.  But lately, the Alphans had been going on day by day without change, and without hope. She knew that this would eventually become a severe problem, and felt prepared to handle it. However, she never expected to deal with it herself. Even her husband had no idea that she had been taking anti-depressants for weeks now. He need not know that the person he counted on the most had the classic signs of depression. Sleeping in excess, difficulty thinking clearly, feeling like there’s no hope and would just rather sleep. Then of course she was no different from anyone else on the base. Except that she knew that a doctor’s insight usually goes faster in depression than in any other illness. For the first time, she had doubts that she was in complete control.

Like Helena, most people on the base had been hiding it for so long, and it was now affecting them physically. She had never disbursed so many aspirins and anti-depressants. A daily counseling session was a common occurrence for many of the staff, and she tried to come up with creative ways to prevent anyone from sinking even further. There was no way that she could fall apart. She, more than anyone, needed to keep it together…keep the Alphans on their feet and the base running.

*                      *                      *                                  *

It was the sound of her comlock chirping that pushed her get out of bed. It was the second doc in charge on Moonbase Alpha, Dr. Ben Vincent. She knew immediately that she was to be his relief over an hour ago. She told him honestly that she had overslept and that she would be there promptly. As tired as she was, she knew that he was even more exhausted. With the exception of the many disasters they’d had over the years, the Medical Center had never been so busy. The past month Helena had had to brush up on her counseling skills in hopes of helping people cope with a depression that has permeated the base. Everyone looked to Helena for a quick fix; a pill that would make them feel better.  There were some that were affected so greatly that they refused to leave their quarters, or even leave their beds. They didn’t care what the consequences were. The majority of the staff rarely stepped foot on another planet. They were never part of the landing parties. Most have stared at white walls for five years now.

Ben was adjusting the IV on an unconscious patient when Helena walked in. He was surprised to see her with her hair not fixed and with no make up on.

“Are you OK, Helena?” Ben asked.

Helena adjusted her posture and answered, “I’m just fine, thank you. What’s your report?”

“It was a busy night. Susan Johnson asked for sleeping pills for the 5^th night in a row and I went ahead and gave her a few extra. I admit the error in judgment. She apparently had been saving them up in order to commit suicide. She was found in her quarters by her supervisor when she didn’t show up for work. I should have paid attention to the signs.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Helena asked surprised.

“What could you have done? Besides, I could tell that you needed the rest.”

“She had an appointment to see me today.” she stated sadly. “I’ve had 12 therapy appointments this week.”

“We’re going to run out of anti-depressants,” Ben added.

“Was Commander Koenig notified?”

“Yes, I called him about 2 hours ago. He wants to see you in his office first thing this morning.”

“I’ll be there. What’s the status on the other patients?”

Ben directed her to an unconscious man with cuts and bruises on his head. “Sam was injured while working in the caverns. Some equipment fell on him. He has a concussion and vitals are stable. Ann came in for aspirin for carpel tunnel. That’s about it.”

“Thank you. Please get some rest. I’ll see you tonight,” Helena added.

Helena checked on Sam and then put a nurse in charge while she went to see the commander. As she walked down the hallway, she composed herself to be ready to face the commander’s questions. As she approached his office, her pace slowed. There was a security guard at the end of the hall sitting against the wall starring aimlessly up at the ceiling. She stopped to ask if he was OK.

“Hi, Jim,” She started.

Jim was on his feet at attention in a moment. “Yes mam’m.”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, doctor.”

“Okay, just asking,” she responded cautiously. He stood at attention until she left.

The Commander’s office was just a few steps away and she took a few deep breaths before knocking. She pressed her comlock requesting permission to enter.

“Come in,” John Koenig responded.

“Good morning, John,” Helena said as she entered his office.

“Good morning, doctor. What happened with Susan Templeton?” John sounded firm.

Helena sat in the chair next to him and began to explain. “Ben filled me in this morning when I came on duty. Apparently Susan had been coming to him requesting something to help her sleep. Apparently she had been saving the pills up in order to have a sufficient amount to over-dose. She OD’d some time last night. Neither one of us suspected depression.”

John rubbed his forehead and stared at the floor. He finally stood and started pacing the room, as he often did.

“John, it wasn’t Ben’s fault. He took the appropriate actions.”

“I don’t doubt that,” he said then looked straight in to her eyes. “Helena, what the hell is going on? This base can’t function if this gets much worse.”

“I know, I know,’ She said softly.

“Why now? What’s changed that this problem has become drastically worse?” He raised his voice.

“It’s something that’s been building for years. What do you want me to say? You think I have an instant cure for classic depression? These people have been locked up in nothing but plastic white walls for five straight years.” she said, raising her voice past his.

“Well, you’re the doctor!” He shouted. “Fix it.”

“Did you see me walk on water this week? I don’t have any miracles up my sleeve.” She took a breath, calmer now, “I’ve been trying my best with counseling and anti-depressants. Ben and I are using cognitive therapy, focusing on correcting the patient’s negative thinking and pessimism.”

“Well try something else. There has to be a way to get this under control.”

“I’m doing everything I know.” Her voice trailed off as she tried hard to fight back tears. John immediately altered his tone, and moved to sit next to her on the couch. By then she had already composed herself.

“I’m sorry, Honey,” John said as he placed his arm around her. His role quickly changed from commander to husband. They were, after all, together in this as the leaders of Moonbase Alpha. “I know you’re doing everything you can.”

Helena nodded and added, “I’m open to suggestions here.”

“Our situation is what it is. We can either fall apart or choose to make this a life worth living.”

She turned to face him, “We have, John. For five years we’ve survived with rotten food, no fresh air, no sunshine… We’ve survived—we haven’t lived.”

John held her hand and said, “We have to do something.”

They had nothing more to say to each other as their frustrations had peaked. Helena told him that she’d try to have dinner with him later and made her way out of the room. John stood and again began pace the room. He knew that everyone relied on him. Being in charge of almost 300 people isn’t an easy task in any situation. But this job is 24/7, with no time off, no vacation time, and varies from constant monotony to urgent crisis. He cared about each and every person on the base and remained focused on survival. In keeping things running smoothly, he relied heavily on Helena to be his rock to steady and guide him. This was either a stumbling block or the beginning of the end of Moonbase Alpha.

*                                  *                                  *

Tony’s Pub was full today. Five pilots were engaged in a serious round of Texas Hold ’em, including Alan Carter and Frank Templeton. Thanks to Tony’s home-made brew, the pub had been established about four months ago. Not much was served at Tony’s. Just the basics- beer and pretzels. Someone tried to invent artificial fish and chips, but they ended up tasting worse than dirt.

Sandra and Operative Kate were creating some disturbing karaoke singing. Far more outgoing then Sandra, it didn’t take much to loosen up Kate. She was fairly well known around the base as being pretty “loose” anyways.

Light betting had moved on to the serious waging of unwanted duties. Pilots were always eager to try to wager away their unwanted duties. Everyone was having a great time, except for Frank Templeton. He had lost big today, and had enjoyed far too many rounds of Tony’s famous beer. He chugged the last of his beer and slammed it down hard on the table as he stood.

“Well guys, I’m out,” Frank announced.

“Better luck next time, buddy,” one of the pilots quipped.

“Yea, it wasn’t my night. As a matter of fact, it hasn’t been my month,” Frank added. He swayed as he staggered away from the table.

“Hey, “Started Alan. “You OK, mate? Need a guide back to your quarters?”

Ignoring Alan’s question, “OH sure, life is grand.”

Alan and the guys played poker for another hour and then finally headed back to their quarters. Alan was the next to leave and decided to check something back at his workstation before he retired. To his amazement there was no one on duty and found Frank slumped over on his desk.

“Frank?” He said as he gently shook him. “Frank! Wake up, buddy.” Frank moaned as he awoke, still pretty drunk.

“Alan, Ol’ buddy. Time for work already?” Frank slurred.

“Let’s get you to bed. Come on,” He said as he helped him up and walked him to his quarters. They came upon the last person on the base they’d want to run in to…Commander Koenig.

“Evening, gentlemen,” Koenig stated, his eyes fixed on Frank.

“Hi, John. Just heading back after a poker match,” Alan stated.

“Commander!” Frank spoke loudly, still slurring. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about my pay. I need a raise.”

“Do you, now?” Koenig asked. “I’ll see both of you in my office tomorrow morning.”

“Yes sir,” answered Alan. They walked slowly back to Frank’s quarters. “Dammit, Frank! What’s the matter with you? That pub’s a privilege I don’t plan on loosin’.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass. I had a good time tonight. That’s all,” Frank answered.

“Too good a time,” Alan said under his breath. They made it to Frank’s quarters and Alan deposited the drunken pilot on to his bed and set his alarm clock for 0600.

Alan made it a habit of limiting himself to 1 beer. He could often be found in Tony’s Pub after his shift ended, but he had a rule to always remain sharp. He never knew when a chance to fly would arise, and nothing meant more to him than flying. He finally made it back to his quarters and immediately went to bed. This was unusual for him as he usually stayed up late working or reading. He just had not had any ambition to do much else lately.

The morning came too quickly for Frank as he heard the alarm sound. He smacked it across the room and went back to sleep. Of course, Alan awoke right on time and went to make sure Frank was on his way to the commander’s office. Frank was sound asleep when the room comlock sounded.

“Frank?”Alan called. “Wake up, Mate?”

Frank ignored it as long as he could. He finally got up to answer the call. “What do you want, Alan?”

“You’re late, mate”

“Yea, yea. I’ll be there when I get there.”

Alan added impatiently as he signed off the intercom. Alan shook his head and went back to the pilot’s station. He had an eagle in desperate need of some repairs.

By the time Frank wandered in for work, Alan had already fixed Eagle 9. They were supposed to work on it together. Alan and Frank had become close friends and he wanted to stand by Frank’s side.

“It’s about time,” Alan joked.

“Oh shut it,” retorted Frank as he walked over to his work station and kicked up his feet on to the desk.

“Ahhh. By the way, the commander is on his way.”

Frank sat up straight and said, “What the hell for?”

John Koenig was leaning far back in his chair staring up at the ceiling. He let out a long sigh just before answering the comlock ring from Alan.

“Enter,” he said.

“You wanted to see us, sir?” Alan asked. Frank stood not meeting Koenig’s eyes.

“Yes. When I approved the pub, I had reservations. So far we’ve hardly had any incidences. But lately, the number of incidences has been increasing and I’m thinking of shutting it down. Even I enjoy a beer every once and a while. Let’s not abolish the privilege.”

Alan added, “John, we’re all a bit stressed lately.”

“I know, and it’s my job to keep this base running. Frank? You have anything to say?”

“Nope,” he answered.

“OK, you’re both dismissed,” Koenig granted.

Both men turned to walk about and all at once Frank turned around. “Actually, I do have a bit to say. Tell me why we’ve passed up so many habitable planets?”

“Excuse me?” Koenig asked.

Alan turned and tapped Frank on the shoulder trying to nudge him to move along.

Frank persisted.

“Why have we passed up so many places we could have called our home. Instead, we’re stuck on this hell hole.”

“To what missed opportunities are you referring, Frank?” Koenig asked.

“Let’s see…Arkadia, Piri, Meta, and plenty of others. There always seemed to be a reason why we couldn’t settle there. At least give it a try. Of course, then you wouldn’t be in command anymore, would you?” Frank barked.

Koenig simply starred at Frank for a moment then said, “As I had said before, you’re dismissed. And Frank, I want you to head down to Medical Center. I’ll contact Dr. Russell.” He then turned his chair around and reviewed some reports. Alan pulled Franks’ arm and was finally about to get him outta there. John called Medical Center and asked for Helena.

“Yes, John?” She quickly answered.

“I’ve sent Frank Templeton your way. If he doesn’t arrive there, please let met know.”

“Anything I need to know ahead of time?”

“He needs a session,”

“I’ll take care of it,” she reassured.

Frank finally arrived at Helena’s door almost an hour later. Helena greeted him with “Please come in, Frank.”

“I don’t know what I’m here but I’ll humor the commander.”

“That’s fine with me. Have a seat,” she motioned to a chair and he slouched back in it.

“I’m not crazy, Doctor,” he started.

“I just want to hear what’s on your mind. That’s all. Everyone’s on edge lately and I just want to help.”

“You can help me by getting me the hell off this rock. If you can’t do that, I’m afraid that you’re useless to me.”

“I want to breathe fresh air too. We all want the same thing and we have to be patient.”

“What for? It won’t do me any good to complain to you because you’ll just stick up for your husband.”

“Let’s get back to you. Would you like some time off?  Sandra’s made some nice changes in the solarium.”

“I don’t need a tan,” he snapped.

“When I say I understand what you’re going through, I’m being honest. I’m here for you no matter what time it is. Any time you want to talk.”

“Fine, all right. Got any good drugs?”

“As a matter of fact, yes I do.” She reached in to her locked cabinet and handed him a small bottle of fluoxetine. “Follow the dosage carefully and please cut back on the drinking.”

“Whatever. Thanks for the stuff,” he said.

“You’re welcome and please call me absolutely any time you want to talk.”

“Fine,” he replied as he got up to walk out. But just before he left, his tone changed to a quiet, serious tone and said “It won’t do any good. This is base is done for.”

She wanted to reply to his statement, but it somehow sent chills up her spine. She didn’t know why he’d affected her that way that way, but she was sure that she didn’t do enough for him. She planned to check on him later that day to see if he was doing better. She wouldn’t get that chance.

*                                  *                                              *

It was unusually quiet in the pilot’s section this morning. They weren’t known as a quiet bunch, yet this morning was an exception. Alan and another tech were busy working on Eagle 9, while Frank Templeton appeared to be asleep at his desk. He starred at the bottle of meds that Helena had prescribed, barely blinking. Frank sat there with the Elton John’s Rocket Man singing loudly through his head. He remembered thinking how he always felt the song was tailored-made for him. The people he had left behind for this job were so proud of him! The wife and kids he’d never see again as they were long dead now. It was high time he joined them in heaven, he thought.

Alan glanced over to Frank, “Man, I wish I could cheer that guy up,” he said to the tech. He shook his head and then returned to his task.

All that was on Frank’s mind was not wanting any more. He didn’t want any more hydroponic food, stale, recycled air, and no more imitation coffee. He was done. After glancing over to Alan and the other techs to ensure that they weren’t watching, he quietly strolled over to the airlock in the hanger bay and opened it. This caught Alan’s attention right away.

“Frank?” He yelled. “What are ya’ doin’?

Ignoring Alan he closed the airlock door behind him. At this point Alan had figured it out and dashed over to try to stop him. It was too late. Frank took a deep breath, smiled, and the pressed the airlock. Alan shouted.

He was gone. There was no reason to call medical as there was nothing that could be done to rescue him. He was dead in an instant. He pressed the alarm and called Command Center.

“Command Center?” Sandra Benes answered.

“This is Carter. There’s been an accident in the technical section,”Alan said somberly.

Helena was the first on the scene. She sat there starring at the door in disbelief as Alan told her what had happened. The commander and a couple security guards arrived shortly after.

“What happened?” John asked.

“Frank Templeton entered the airlock on his own, for no apparent reason, and-“ Helena was cut short by Alan.

“Oh there was a reason all right. He killed himself. I saw the whole thing. He just walked in to the airlock, shut the door, and pressed the button. As calm as could be,” Alan explained.

John’s mouth dropped as he turned to face away from the airlock. “I can’t believe it. This is insane. Second death this week.” He turned to Helena, “Doctor. How do you account for this?”

“He was obviously more depressed than I had thought. We did have a session yesterday and I offered time off. I also gave him anti-depressants,” Helena explained.

John continued to shake his head in disappointment. “Something has to be done.” He then pulled out his comlock and called Sandra in Command Center.

“Command Center,” She answered.

“Sandra, set up a meeting with all station heads in my office, 1300 hours,” John directed.

“Yes, sir,” she replied.

“Doctor, I’ll see you at 1300 hours,” John replied coldly and then walks out.

Helena didn’t even watch John or the others leave. She just stood there, starring at the airlock, unable to move. She slumped down against the wall to the floor and just sat there, pondering how she could have done something different and saved both Frank and Susan. Feeling devastated, she sat on the floor just starring at the airlock. It had been almost an hour and she was still sitting there. Finally a tech came in the room and noticed her. She contacted Medical Center.

“Medical Center,” Ben answered.

“Dr Vincent. I don’t know if anything’s wrong, but I happened to notice that Dr. Russell has been sitting here near the airlock where the incident was, and I have no idea how long she’s been here. It just seemed strange and I thought I should report it,” the tech stated.

“I’ll be right over. Thank you for contacting me.” Ben stated. “Nurse? I’ll be in technical section. Please call me if you need me.”

“Yes, doctor,” she answered.

Ben sensed something was wrong and quickened his pace through the corridors. By the time he had reached the airlock, Helena was standing there writing on a clipboard. She had already noticed the tech enter the room, she and didn’t want her to think anything was wrong. She immediately stood and began to take notes for her report.

Ben was careful not to bring any further attention to the situation. He quietly approached her. “You OK, Doctor?”

“Of course. Thank you for asking though,” she responded without taking her eyes off her clipboard.

“Rough day,” he added, trying to get something out of her.

“Yes it has been.”

Ben gently pressed down her clipboard to force her to face him. “Come on, Helena. I know you’re not all right.”

“I’m fine…really.” She walked away from him.

He followed her, still whispering as to not bring any attention to her. “Cut the crap, Helena. I know this is really getting to you. You have been doing all of therapy sessions, and you’ve heard it all. I know it’s getting to you. It’s getting to all of us, but you’re bearing the burden.”

“Really, Ben, I’m fine. I just need a little rest. I’ll take tomorrow off,” she promised with a smile.

“Take the rest of the day off,” he added.

“Tomorrow,” she promised.

“Deal.”

Helena walked back to Medical Center and turned on her computer to type up her report. To her dismay, someone sent an anonymous email to her demanding that she resign as Chief Medical Officer. They went on to describe how worthless they thought she had been from the very beginning and blamed her for the current situation. Logically, she knew that this was simply someone’s frustration that needed to be voiced. But in the state she was in, it hurt deeply.

As much as she wanted to just hide in her quarters until tomorrow, she had to attend the staff meeting. After this, she promised herself rest. She saved her report, grabbed a coffee, and then headed to the Commander’s office. The last place she wanted to be. She was the first to arrive for the meeting.

She walked in without saying a word, and sat at the table while John was starring out the window. He moved to sit at the opposite end of the table.

“How are you holding up?” John asked.

“I’m fine,” she replied confidently. “How about you? I didn’t even hear you get up this morning.”

“Just busy,” he added.

He decided that there was enough seriousness and tried to attempt small-talk. “I wonder what’s on the menu for dinner tonight?”

“Nothing exciting, I’m sure. What I’d give for real cocoa beans.” she added.

“I’d give anything for a steak,” he added.

Helena smiled as the others started filing in. Alan Carter, Sandra Benes communications, science officer Maya, and Tony Verdeschi, head of security. They somberly took their seats.

“Thanks for taking time out of your schedules,” John welcomed his staff.

Some nodded, others said no problem.

John started, “I’m sure you’re all heard about the tragic deaths of Susan Johnson and Frank Templeton. Dr. Russell believes that depression is becoming a very serious problem on this base. I called you all here today to find a solution to this problem.”

Without speaking, most glanced over to Helena, as if seeking her advice first. She picked up on that and immediately spoke, “I estimate that over half the personnel has been affected, and at least 25 % of them have severe depression. Ben and I have been recording incidences and complaints, and offering therapy sessions to anyone willing. Unfortunately were close to running out of anti-depressants. I’m looking for suggestions.”

“We have to make changes so that Alpha feels more like a permanent home,” John added. “I think we all know that the chances of us ever finding a habitable planet are very slim.”

Sandra was the first to offer, “I don’t think we make enough use of the caverns. Maybe we can dig further and expand them for our use. Maybe another rec center. Something other than 4 white walls to look at. We have paint, don’t we?”

“Yea, white paint,” Alan quipped.

Maya added on to the idea, “Absolutely. We could focus a few techs on building a new hydroponics unit in the caverns. There’s no reason why they can’t grow more spices to make the food taste better.”

“Cocoa beans,” Sandra smiled. “All women know that the benefits of chocolate.”

“We could possibly starting growing plants to add some greenery around here,” Tony added.

“Maybe grapes?” Sandra added. “Add wine to the pub menu?”

“Is wine different from beer?” Maya asked. Being from the planet Psychon, she wasn’t familiar with most of Earth’s delicacies.

“Better than beer,”Sandra laughed.

Tony’s mouth dropped, “That’s a matter of opinion, of course.”

“Of course,” Sandra smiled.

John smiled. Finally some fresh ideas. He added, “I’m glad to hear the enthusiasm,” he said nodding. “We need to convince people that all hope is not lost. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel and we WILL find it. I’m sure of it.”

Helena managed a brief smile as she took a breath. But she couldn’t stop her heart from racing, impatiently awaiting more suggestions. She knew these were only long term solutions. She needed something today and she couldn’t help but concentrate on the fact that it was her responsibility. Trying to calm her breathing and nerves, she focused. “I think those ideas are valuable and will absolutely help us in the long run. But Christmas is around the corner and typically that’s the hardest time of year for people suffering from depression. Changes need to be made now.”

The joy in the room sank with her statement.

She continued, “I’m asking for your help. Please take this list and familiarize yourself with it. It’s a list of the most common symptoms of depression. Please watch for it and encourage your staff to make an appointment to see either Ben or myself in the next week. We will offer Fluoxetine, an anti-depressant, to all staff. Those who believe they are fine may refuse. Ben and I will set up appointments for everyone on the base. We just want to touch bases with everyone to see where they’re at. This includes all of you, of course.”

Helena added, “Please remember that severely depressed patients suffer greatly and are high suicide risks. It takes weeks before antidepressant drug therapy starts to work, thus these patients desperately need counseling and caring.”

Everyone grabbed a list and shook their heads in understanding. John felt some relief that things were going in the right direction. “Is there anything else that you need from us, Doctor?” John asked.

”Thank you for all so much for your help,” she responded. “And please, please take care of yourselves. We especially need to stay focused.”

“Thank you everyone. I want a daily report from each department head,” John requested. Everyone responded with a yes sir and walked out. “Helena, stay a moment.”

“Yes John? She turned to face him still standing in the doorway.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Of course,” she answered reassuringly. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Sounds great.”

Helena returned to Medical Center and discussed the meeting with Ben. She advised that Fluoxetine needed to be offered to everyone on the base.

“We also need to set up appointments for everyone on the base,” Helena advised.

“After the incidents this week, I agree. I will send the notification to the department heads to make sure that everyone comes in for an appointment.”

Thank you for everything. Are you sure you’re OK for the rest of the day?”

“Absolutely. Please get some rest,” Ben reassured. “And let me handle the appointments today and tomorrow. You’ve been handling all of them. It’s too much.”

“I will relax today.” With a sincere smile, she grabbed some medical books and walked towards the door. “I promise.”

Ben noticed the books and stopped her, “Helena, I thought you were going to rest.”

“Light reading. Don’t worry.”  She retreated to her quarters with the books. Her short walk back to her quarters was interrupted by two staff fighting.  Their fist fight bumped in to Helena, knocking the books from her hand. Not wanting to call security just yet, she shouted “Gentlemen!”

Immediately they stopped, breathing heavily and both apologized.

Sternly she stated, “Both of you report to Medical Center immediately.”

“Yes Mam’m,” they both replied. Helena followed them to medical center and had Ben take one and she took the other.

She instructed the person to have a seat and he refused. “Chris, relax and have a seat,” Helena continued.

“I’d really rather stand, Doctor,” He responded with frustration.

“Suit yourself. Chris, what was that all about?”

“Just a personal matter. It really wasn’t a big deal.”

“It didn’t appear to be a small matter.”

“Really, I’m fine. It was just a scuffle between guys.”

“OK, but before I let you go, I need a few questions answered,” she insisted.

Chris finally sat down and relaxed a bit.

“Please take a breath. I’m just trying to help. Have you had any troubles sleeping?

“Yes, Mam’m.”

“Have you been feeling exhausted and find even the smallest tasks difficult?”

“I suppose so. Yea.”

“Do you feel like there’s no future for you?”

“Well hell yes to that one. There’s no fricken’ future for us! We’re stuck on a rock floating through space. My wife’s probably long dead, I never got the chance to have a kid, my job sucks… is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Yes, that’s what I was looking for. I understand what you’re going through. I really do.”

“Yea, I suppose you do. We’re all in this together. I just want out! I don’t mean killing myself, I just want out of this hell hole. I want to breath real air!”

“I do too. I’m not sure if we ever will find a planet. I believe that we need to make Alpha our home. I’ve heard great ideas on how to make some big changes around here. Changes that will make this place feel more like a home.”

“Whatever. Can I go now?” Chris asked.

“Do you have anything else you’d like to talk about?” She asked.

“No.”

“I’m asking that your supervisor give you a day off and I want you to spend it in the solarium. Also, please take one of these per day.” “Helena handed him a small bottle of anti-depressants.

“Thanks, I know you mean well, Doc. I just don’t care.”

“Please come and see me any time you want to talk,” she insisted.

Chris walked out without another word. Helena called over to someone in the hydroponics section and asked that they put any spare plants in the solarium. They had only a few and they promptly placed them in the solarium. She had hoped that a few hours of rest in there would help change their frame of mind. She made a mental note to herself to be sure to take her own advice, and then joined Ben in his office.

“How did your session go with Matt?” She asked Ben.

“Not well. How about yours?”

“Same. I don’t know what else to do, Ben, I really don’t.”

“Have faith. These are hard times and we’ll get through them, just as we have so many times in the past.”

“I hope so,” she said solemnly as she again grabbed her books and headed to her quarters.

*            *                      *                      *                      *

She entered the quarters that she and John had shared since they married almost a year ago. It was never easy to find personal time together for the two leaders of the base. Most of her time was spent in Medical Center, while his time was spent in Command Center. She was grateful when the door closed behind her. After setting the books on her table, she collapsed face down on to the bed and didn’t move for minutes. She just wanted to sleep and hope everyone and everything would just go away.

Before long she felt pains of guilt and started studying the books on therapy. No where in these books did she expect a miracle solution, but she had to try her best.

John entered the room unexpectedly. “Are you alright?”

Helena slowly sat up in the bed and responded “I needed a day off. My back’s been hurting”

“Since when did you have a bad back?”

“I’m fine,” she added, still turned away from him.

She lay back down and turned away from him. John sat down next to her and started a massage. She couldn’t help but relax, and a slight smile broke on her face.

“Helena, you know how much I rely on you. You’re my rock.” John added as he continued the massage. “I need you here—fully present,”

With tears beginning to fall, still turned away from John, Helena answered, “You know that was true of me in the past. You could always count on me for anything. But not now. I’m NOT here. Not at all. Every counseling session I haven’t helped them. Every time I dispense an anti-depressant, I feel I’ve failed. No one’s getting any better, Susan and Frank are gone—“

“Helena, no one blames you,” John interrupted.

“Oh yes they do!” She said firmly as she finally turned to face him. “They expect miracles and I’m all out,” She said as she walked to the corner of the room. “I’m all out.”

Just then a tremendous bang was heard throughout the base and everyone was plunged in to darkness. The dim lights from the emergency power assisted them in finding their way out the door. John grabbed his comlock as he was headed towards Command Center. “Report!”

Helena headed straight to Life Support section.

“Sandra here. Power’s out base wide and the generator has kicked in.”

“I’m on my way,” John added.

John arrived in Command Center within minutes. Everyone was busy contacting their respective departments.  Instead of sitting at his desk, he paced.

“Status?” He barked.

Maya answered, “It appears to be a blown transformer in life support section.

“Cause?”

“Unknown at this time, Commander,” Maya responded.

“Any casualties? Damage?” John inquired further.

“I don’t believe so. It appears that no one was at the station during the accident.”

“What do you mean NO one?” John snapped.

“We’ll have to check with Dr. Russell on that,” Maya replied.

“Dammit,” John snapped. He turned abruptly to leave and the room suddenly went dark. “Now what?”

“The generator batteries may be dead,” Maya shouted.

In complete darkness, he fumbled along the wall to where he hoped there would be a flashlight that worked. With luck it worked. He and Maya made their way to Life Support Section by manually opening each door. It was a long journey with no power, no lights, and no communications.

Helena was already there along with 2 technicians. Chief Medical Officer hardly made Helena an electrical expert; however, she understood the basics of how the system worked. She and the techs verified that the batteries in the generators were drained. One tech suggested that they try to harvest the energy from the back up generators from other sections of Alpha.

“It won’t be long until we’re outta air,” one tech stated.

“And how are we supposed to transport the generators here?”
“We can re-route the power to –“

Helena interrupted, “Let’s concentrate on the fix here. We’ve gotta be missing something. Let’s take a step back and eliminate the obvious.”

“We’ve been down this road already,” Greg added. “I figured it was the transformer but we haven’t found any fried parts.”

By the time John had arrived, 3 other techs had shown up to help. People all around the base were coming together to await their fate. For the first time in a long time, Alphans were pulling together in a crisis. The loneliness and despair they had felt had vanished while people were huddled around the scarce flashlights, staying warm with coffee.

It had been over 4 hours and the repairs were still in the works. Sandra and Alan were in Command Center with flashlights, not saying a word…just watching the monitors. Finally, Sandra spoke.

“Did you know it’s Christmas?” She spoke softly

“Ah yea, so it is,” Alan replied.

“I miss Christmas…I miss the Christmas carols we used to sing in church youth group.”

“Can’t say I ever did that,” Alan commented. “But I sure miss music. All music. Especially the Beatles. Bet no one on Earth even knows what a record album is anymore,” Alan added.

After a few moments, Sandra closed her eyes and started quietly singing “Silent Night.” She wasn’t aware that the com system was on and the entire base was listening. In complete darkness, other Alphans started singing along.  There was a feeling of warmth and well being that permeated the corridors with each verse. Helena couldn’t help but take a deep breath and smile as she heard Sandra’s sweet voice. She suddenly didn’t feel cold any more. Not only was their spontaneous singing throughout the base, some started praying. They felt sure that God had not deserted them. He was indeed listening to their prayers. The unfairness and desperation they had felt began to fade with each prayer, with every added voice.

All of the sudden, a tech shouted “YES!”

Everyone gathered around that tech hoping he’d found the answer.

“The transformer blew because of some primary windings. It was probably a manufacturer’s defect. This caused an ARC malfunction. We’ll have it fixed within the hour.”

“Nice job, Greg,” John stated. “Very nice. Thank you from all of us.”

“Sorry it took so long, sir,” He responded.

Helena sighed in relief. “Thank you so much, Greg.” She couldn’t help but feel comfort in the fact that she had brilliant technicians working under her. Her expertise was being doctor, certainly not an electrician. Although the in the back of her mind, she was painfully aware that the fault of Life Support’s uncharged batteries ultimately fell on her.

“No sweat,” Greg added as he turned to his fellow techs. “Let’s get the heat turned back on in here.”

Everyone expressed their appreciation and relief to their commander as he started on his path back to Command Center. With each thank you he came across, he reminded them that it was Greg who was clearly the hero. He felt a sense of pride he hadn’t felt in far too long a time. His people worked came together in a crisis and worked like a well-oiled machine. He was impressed and finally had some hope that maybe they could get past the depression. Helena stayed behind until the repairs were completed and everything tested OK.

Everyone knew the transformer was an easier fix than the depression.  Yet a sense of community instantly began to permeate the base. Most Alphans now felt a renewed and strong sense of direction. Sandra and Helena began to hold community meetings to discuss changes to be made to try to change attitudes. Helena ran further studies to determine who had suffered from the depression and why. It varied depending on the person and where they worked. She found that people who worked in hydroponics have not been affected. Helena began treating patients with bright light phototherapy. The more severe cases were asked to continue counseling along with the antidepressants.

Not that just putting some plants around the base and offering drugs would cure them, but she knew it was a step in the right direction. Sandra had the idea to start painting the crew’s quarters with cheery colors…especially blues and greens. They planned to build a rec center in the caverns to get away from the white walls. The idea that they would probably would spend the rest of their lives on this moon and they need to make it more of a home.

John made an effort to spend more time in Tony’s pub with his crew, and to pay more attention to Helena. He had realized how far he had distanced himself from his people. This was just his way of dealing with the cold reality of living on a lifeless rock for the rest of his life. It was easy for him to tell people that there was hope for the future of Alpha, but it was surely he and Helena that would have to keep that attitude present. He felt more certain than ever that there was hope for the future, even if it meant making the moon their permanent home. Helena sat across from John at dinner that evening and for the first time in weeks, her beautiful smile was genuine. She had finally felt the security that she no longer needed the beach or sunshine on her face to feel whole. She just needed to remember deep within that she was with a man she loved, good friends she cherished, and a place she could call home.

Colleen Bement

November, 2007

SUPERNOVA

John Koenig awoke slowly, disoriented.  Still half asleep, he turned over and instinctively reached to stroke the blonde hair of wife.   He was disappointed to find that her side of the bed was empty.  Cautiously he fully opened his eyes and found that all traces of his wife, Helena Russell had vanished. Her uniforms were no longer in their closet. Her hairbrush that normally rested on the table next to the bed was gone. He sat up sharply and immediately felt a pounding headache. Although he had some trouble focusing he scanned the room thoroughly to search for any trace Helena had been there. Had she left him? Had they had an argument he couldn’t recall?

Slowly he stood and searched the room for any sign of her. He pressed the communicator button on the screen for Medical Center. Ben quickly came to the monitor to answer. “Medical Center.”

“Where’s Dr. Russell?” John asks.

“Who?” Ben questioned

“Dr. Russell,” he paused.  “Helena!” He raised his voice out of frustration.

“Commander, is everything alright? There’s no Dr. Russell here.”

Not wanting to be overcome by panic, he apologized to Ben & turned off the screen. He returned to his bed & sat in bewilderment. How could Ben not know who Helena was? She was the Chief medical officer of Moon Base Alpha, not to mention his boss.  Although his headache continued to bother him, he showered, dressed, and went to Command Center.

Koenig entered Command Center and was greeted by Yasko, Tony, & Hassan who were finishing up the graveyard shift.

“Morning, Commander,” Yasko greeted cheerfully.

“Morning,” He responded dryly. “Still here, Hassan?”

“Oh yes, sir. Was just sticking around to hand you my report personally. Something incredible happened, sir. We’ve been approaching what appeared to be a red giant for about a month now and this morning it became a supernova. It was incredible! Beautiful!”

Massaging his forehead with his eyes closed, Koenig asked, “Has it had any effect on our instruments?”

“None that we can tell so far. We’re monitoring it. We’re far enough away and going in another direction. I don’t see any need for alarm at this time.”

“What’s our distance?” Koenig asked.

Yasko hits a few computer keys, “9.5 light years, sir.”

John grimaces in pain as his headache continues to pound.  He continued to rub his forehead win hopes the pain will lessen.

“You OK, John?” Tony asked.

“Oh, fine. Thanks. Just a headache.Yasko, no other changes noted?”

“No sir,” she replied.

“Misery loves company, sir. My heads been aching for a couple hours now,” added Hassan.

“Is your report already logged online?” Koenig asked.

“Yes sir.”

“Then get outta here. Get some rest. Make sure Maya’s aware of the update.”

“Thank you , commander. She’s due in any time. I’ll give it to her personally.” He turns & leaves.

“Good,” Koenig added.  He sat down in his chair and stared at the reports left at his desk that he needed to review. Starring blankly, his mind wandered to his experience this morning. He continued to have these memories of Dr. Helena Russell…a woman who was his chief medical officer as well as his wife whom he loved very much.  As time passed, his memories of Helena were slowly fading…like a dream, he knew there could be no such person. Currently Alpha’s chief medical offer was Dr. Ben Vincent and has been since the moon left Earth’s orbit 2 years ago. Yet he continued to have this feeling that she did exist. He could picture her in his mind…a passionate woman whose inner strength matched her beauty. He remembered them being married by Tony Verdeschi, chief of security and second in command. They had grown to know and love each other after the moon blasted out of Earth’s orbit. Maybe it was all a dream.

The more he thought of Helena, the empty sick feeling in his stomach worsened.  Something was wrong. He was sure of it.  He pulled up the active duty roster for all of Alpha and searched for her name. There was no record of the doctor ever being in the space program at all. He sat back in his chair & stared at the ceiling for a moment…then stood & announced that he’d be in his quarters if they needed him.  The black sun issue wasn’t a pressing matter and just had to spend some time on this empty feeling he had.

Koenig returned to his quarters & slouched down in his couch.  His headache, still pounding, prompted him to close his eyes. His mind immediately drifted to memories of Helena. He saw her working in medical center, tending to a patient. She was Helena leaning over Alan Carter, tending to his injuries from an Eagle crash. All at once the scene changed. He recalled himself reaching over to lie on top of Helena, kissing her passionately. He couldn’t help but smile. Before he realized it he was asleep in his chair…smiling, and when he awoke suddenly, he found he had to wipe tears from his cheeks.  “Gotta snap out of this,” he said to himself.  He stood & made his way to medical center hoping some how that Bob could give him something.

As he walked the corridors to medical center he was thinking of a way to explain this madness that was affecting him. By the time the door opened & he faced Ben, all he decided to say was that he needed a pain reliever for the headache.

“No problem,” Ben said as he reached for a container of pills. “Take two of these. Ya know, you’re about the 50^th case I’ve had this morning. Myself included.”

John took notice. ”Something’s going on. Did the headaches occur last night?”

“Yes, people have been coming in complaining of headaches since about 0000 hours last night. It seemed like most cases occurred early this morning. Ranging from moderate to severe headaches. Did something happen last night?”

“Nothing that I’m aware of.  I’ll look in to it & let you know.” He decided not to mention his hallucinations at that point.

“Is there anything bothering you, sir? You seem….”

“No, I’m fine. Thanks. Just tired.” He turned and left.  He figured the best thing for him is to return to Command Center. Maybe he just needed to get his mind off these preposterous thoughts. Besides, he wanted to hear Maya’s opinion on the supernova.

Suddenly his comlock sounded. “Commander Koenig. Please come to Command Center right away,” asked Sandra.

“On my way, “ he answered Sandra while stepping up his pace.

Once he reached Command Center, there was a sense of urgency in everyone’s eyes.  Maya was the first to speak up.  “Commander, I’ve been monitoring the supernova & it appears to be expanding.”

Alarmed, “Expanding?” Koenig replied. “How is that possible?”

“Possibly it hasn’t yet completed its cycle in becoming a supernova. It’s grown slightly since I last checked 2 hours ago. “

“Has there been an increase in gravitational pull? Any changes in our readings?” He asked

“No sir. None that we’ve detected,” Maya replied. “We’re monitoring it closely. There’s still no danger at this point. However it’s important that we monitor it. “

“Any form of radiation detected?”

“None that we’ve detected, sir.  No radiation.  No signals of any kind. “

Maya added,  “With the direction of the moon we’ll continue to be at a safe distance. I don’t see any real danger.”

“OK, good.” Koenig nodded and leaned back in his chair…pensive.

Later that day, Maya was in the Technical Section comparing some charts she had made on the supernova. Tony walked in and asked her to lunch.

“Can you spare some time for a brief lunch?”

“For you? Anything,” she responded.  “What’s on the menu today?”

“What, like it changes?” Tony retorted.

Maya laughs in agreement and the two left for lunch. In the corridor they discuss the black hole.

“So what do you think?” Tony asks

“I think we’re too far away from the supernova to be alarmed.”

“—yet close enough to be concerned, agreed?”

“Yes. Concern enough to monitor is closely.  Stars supernova. It’s commonplace. We’re just close enough to need to be aware of its activity. Besides, even if we were too close, there’s not a thing we could do unless we were close enough to a nearby planet to abandon Alpha.” Maya explained.

Maya was in Command Center with Tony, Sandra, & extras.  John’s making his weekly rounds to check in with certain sections of Alpha.  She’s talking with Tony about some chemicals he could add to his beer to improve the taste. She turns to point to Sandra who doesn’t care for Tony’s beer…she turns back to find Tony gone. She glanced around the room & was surprised to see he had taken off & left her. “Where did Tony go?” She asked the room.

“Tony? You mean Tony Martin? I would assume he’s in maintenance section.” Sandra answered.

“No, I mean Tony. He was just here. We were talking and he disappeared. She began to look distressed as she glanced over to see a complete stranger sitting in Tony’s chair. It was Paul Morrow. With a disturbed look she asked Paul “Who are you?”

“Paul. Are you OK, Maya?” Paul responded with concern.

“Tony Verdesci!” shouting now. “What’s the matter with all of you?”

She was even more shaken up now and everyone was starring at her with tremendous concern. Paul stepped in & offered, “ Maya, why don’t you take a break & see Ben in Medical Center. Maya left command center quickly and went to her quarters.  There she lay on her bed and tried to gather her thoughts. She closed her eyes and attempted meditation. However, the longer she lay still, the more severe the pounding pain in her forehead ached.  Maya knew she needed help and left for medical center.

Maya sat on a bed in medical center when John walked in.  By now he had been informed of the incident. He approached Maya while Ben was close by reading some charts.

“How are you doing, Maya?” He asked.

“I’m fine, “ she replied confidently.

John looked to Ben who added, “Physically, she’s absolutely fine.”

“Is she released?” John asked

“Yes. Take the rest of your shift off, Maya. “

“Thank you.” She said. “ I will.”

“Maya, I’d like to speak with you….as soon as possible.” John knew there was nothing wrong with her. He needed to confirm that she had had the same experience as he.

“Of course, commander.” She stood & accompanied him to his quarters. They walked in and she could sense his tension.

“I really am fine, sir.” She offered.

“ I know. There’s something happening to Alpha. I can’t explain it, but I had the same experience you did.” John began

“You did?” She asked in shock

“This morning, I awoke with memories of my wife, Dr. Helena Russell. Do you remember her?”

“No, I don’t.”

“In addition to that, I awoke with a pounding headache. Ben said there have been a flood of people with headaches visit medical center since last night. And I don’t remember a crew member named Tony Verdeschi.” Pauses…. Maya appeared puzzled.  Neither one exists yet we have vivid memories of them.”

“I’m sure it must be a hallucination, “ Maya began. “ If these people existed, others would know of them.”

“I agree. And the more time passes, the more my memories of her fade….” Long pause while John took a deep, longing breath. “ Yet in the pit of my stomach, I miss her. I’m empty inside without her. I don’t know how such love could be a hallucination.”

Maya added, “Then why don’t we remember?”

John shrugs.

Maya continued, “ If they were real and somehow disappeared, why wouldn’t I remember Helena?” She paused, then added “It’s like they never existed.”

“I just don’t know,” John slowly sat down on the couch & buried his face in to his hands. “But if they actually did exist, this entire base may be in danger of disappearing.”

“It’s possible that this is related to the supernova. The extreme energy could have sent out certain sub atomic particles that I’ve never examined before. It’s improbable, however people are made up of atoms & energy. This could have changed our atomic make up some how.”

“What are you saying,” Kong asked impatiently.

“Those that have disappeared could have been thrown in to a different dimension.”

John lifted his head and stared with great concern. “We’re in trouble.”

In the recreation center two Alphas were playing table tennis while others watched & cheered on their favorite for the match. Suddenly one of the players disappeared and the ping pong ball flew off the table.  The remaining player stood their stunned.

“Hey Gordi. It’s kinda hard to play table tennis by yourself!” Said one of the spectators.

Searching for what to say, Gordi replied,  “I was playing with Don. Where did he go?”

“Don who? You were just standing there with the paddle & the ball. I figured you were waiting on a challenger,” the on looker said.

“No, I had a match going–with Don. What’s going on?”

“You seriously were just standing there hitting the ping pong ball yourself,” the other Alphan commented.

Gordi was disoriented and increasingly agitated. The fight came out of frustration. Gordi threw the first punch. The other Alphan responded out of sheer defense. Security arrived just before Koenig walked in.

“What happened here?” He inquired calmly.

Security immediately answered, “Just a scuffle, sir. We’ll take care of it.”

“I’d like to speak with them both. And you can release them”

“Whatever you say, Commander.” Surprised.

Security team leaves the Commander and the two men. Koenig asked the rest of the Alphans to leave the room as well.

“OK, who would like to start?” Koenig asked.

Gordi answers,  “Sir, I was playing table tennis with someone and just vanished. I can’t explain it. I was upset & take responsibility for fight.”

He turned to the other Alphan awaiting his story. “Sir, it happened just like he said.”

Koenig let the other Alphan leave and continued to speak with Gordi. Gordi’s defensive and upset.

“Sir, I really have nothing more to say. I can’t explain what happened.”

“I wanted to speak with you alone to avoid a possible panic. This morning, the same thing happened to me…it also happened to Maya and I expect a lot of others on the base that haven’t admitted it.”

“Really, sir,” completely relieved.

“Did you have a headache all day today?”

“Pounding one, sir.  Haven’t been able to quite shake it all day. “

With that statement, John turned and left the room….leaving Gordi dumbfounded.  John headed towards Command Center in hopes that Maya would have some sort of lead.  Before he reached the door Maya had paged him on his comlock.

“Commander, would you meet me in technical section right away. It’s urgent.”

“On my way,” he said as he turned to head down a different hallway.  When he arrived, he found an empty room. No Alphans manning the instruments. No Maya. Immediately he clicked on his comlock and wasn’t able to connect to Maya. An error message came across the screen stating no record of staff in database. John (buried) the feelings of panic that were trying to overtake him Although Koenig was himself an accomplished scientist, he faithfully relied upon Maya for her expertise. What is the explanation to all this? Quickly he walked back to Command Center.   He needed to remain calm and address the base.

He dashed in the room with a concerned look on his face.  Sandra asked what was wrong.

“Commander,?”

“Sandra, any new readings on the supernova?”

“No, sir. What’s going on? “

“I believe we’re being affected by the black hole that we’re approaching. I’ll explain it,” He paused and scanned Commander Center. Sandra was the only staff there and didn’t seem troubled by that fact.  His thoughts suddenly flashed to Helena and how much he missed her. He could really use her support and advice right now. He had relied upon her time after time and trusted her more than anyone he’d ever known.  Sandra sat awaiting his orders, now starring at him with concern. John finally acknowledged her.  “Open a channel to the base.”

She pushed a button and John was on live with the remaining Alphans.

“Attention all sections Alpha. This is commander Koenig. We’re experiencing some sort of space and time distortion that is causing people to disappear. We haven’t isolated the trouble and are working diligently to come up with a solution. Please remain calm if you notice that someone has disappeared. It is my belief that this is being caused by the supernova that we’re approaching, and that time will correct itself once we pass it.”

Sandra glanced up at John in disbelief. “Who’s disappeared?”

“You wouldn’t remember them. Once they disappear, they’re erased from our memory? Erased from existence.”  He paused, then, with urgency in his voice, “Paul. As you quickly as you and Sandra can, begin automating this base. We won’t survive without a full staff for long.”

“Yes, sir,” both responded as they both left Command Center and headed in different directions.

John called down to Mathias in medical center. “Medical Center, Mathias here,” He answered.

“Bob, is life support fully automated right now?”

“Yes sir. Presently it’s set on automatic. It doesn’t need a staff to run it unless a problem arises.”

“Good. Thanks.” John responded.

Bob asks, “Commander? So there really was a Helena in medical? I don’t remember her.”

“It seems that only 1 person has vague memories of the people who disappear. Perhaps those who are closest to the missing person.”

“It just doesn’t make sense,” he added.

“No. Nothing about a black hole makes sense.”  John answered with fatigue in his voice. “Koenig out.” He disconnected the open line and sat alone in Command Center. Realizing that he needed another staff member there, he called Yasko and Hassan. Neither name registered in the database.  Just then an alarm sounded. Some power generators were failing and there was a loss of pressurization. John immediately headed towards life support while trying to raise Sandra and Paul on the comlock. He found no one as he ran through the corridors. The base was practically empty. Staff was disappearing rapidly as they approached the black hole. Could it be that he was alone on the base?

Finally his comlock beeped. It was Bob Mathias. “Commander! Everyone in medical center has vanished.”

“I know. Meet me in Life Support. We’re loosing pressure fast.”

“Got it. I’ll be there. Mathias out.”

As John picked up the pace, he almost ran in to an Alphan wandering the corridors. She was disoriented and scared.  He placed his arm around her shoulder to guide her. Suddenly there was an explosion followed by fire. He knew exactly where the nearest extinguisher was. He grabbed it and put it out. Be turned around and his frightened crew member was gone. He made certain that the fire was out and ran towards Life Support.

Finally reaching Life Support, the doors wouldn’t open. He cursed and tried to force the door open. He figured Bob had probably disappeard and who knows who was left on the base. Finally he stood back & fired at the door controls with his lazer.  He was able to then push it open and enter the room.  He dashed over to the terminal & reset the controls. The alarm stopped. Catching his breath for what felt like the first time today, he rested on a nearby step.

Curious as to the distance of the supernova, John returned to Command Center. The base was lonely and quiet. John opened up the channels to the base, “This is Koenig.  Is there anyone left?” No response at first. “Is there anyone out there.” After a moment, he received a response from a hydroponics worker and a maintenance worker. Both were confused and frightened.  John tried to reassure them but there was little reassurance to be found.

He switched on the monitor and found, to his relief, they were now moving away from the supernova. He hoped that time & space would correct itself. There wasn’t much to do now but wait and waiting in Command Center felt like the most comfortable place to remain. While waiting, he began checking on the monitors for the base and most were functioning…at least well enough. However, without constant monitoring, most systems would start failing one by one. It was only a matter of time. Time he was dreading having to wait through.  Finally he decided to go & get some coffee and wait it out. He stopped by maintenance and found the tech that had called in.

“Join me in some coffee, Stan?”

“I’d love to, sir. “ They proceeded to the mess hall and shared a cup of coffee.

After a couple hours, Stan admitted that he was exhausted and returned to his quarters for some sleep. “I hope I see you in a few hours.”

“I hope so. “ John responded.  He remained in the mess hall for a while, pacing the room and checking the monitors before deciding that there was nothing more he could do.  He returned to his quarters in hopes of getting some sleep and returning to normality the following day. Once they were a safe distance from the black hole, he hoped that his crew would return to Alpha. If not, he would face another lonely day of confusion and fear. A tomorrow not worth living for if it was without Helena.  Once he reached his quarters, he dimmed the lights and lay on the bed. He starred at the ceiling for as long as he could remember then wasn’t aware that he had fallen asleep from exhaustion.

The next moment John was aware of was his head hair being stroked by gentle yet strong fingers.  He stirred and turned to face the sight of his beautiful wife Helena.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” She said.

“Morning, love.” He paused then asked what time it was.

“0900 hours. We missed breakfast but you seemed to need the sleep more than food.”

John sighed. He was now fully awake and grabbed his wife and held her close.

“I love you so much,” He added.  “Somehow last night just seemed like a long night and I’m so grateful to have you in my arms.

The End

The day started out like any other day. John Koenig grabbed his bagel and coffee and tore off in his GTO, late for work. Helena Russell took her time eating her grapefruit and cereal, and arrived at work with time to spare. Both eagerly awaited their date that night not knowing that it would be their last.

Helena was grateful for a slow day at work. Having completely finished her reports, she decided to leave work early to better prepare for her date tonight with John. She relished the extra time with a glass of her favorite red wine, soft jazz, and the difficult task of choosing the right outfit. She and John had been dating now for over a year. She dared not call it love to quickly but knew their relationship was certainly something special. There was a connection she’d never felt with anyone and she struggled with keeping up her guard so as not to get hurt. She’d been hurt too many times to put her complete trust in someone so quickly. This was the relationship to take slow. She stared in to her closet for almost 20 minutes before finally choosing the perfect dress. It was a tight long black dress that polished her sophisticated look. It was the perfect choice.

Work for John was busy and rushed. Nothing was completed to his satisfaction and he stayed over time to get it done. He kept looking at his watch knowing he had limited time to get ready for his date with Helena. He knew she was someone special but wasn’t willing to make any commitments. It was difficult for him to choose one woman and settle down.

Suddenly there was a voice shouting to him from a distance.

“You’re late John!” It was his closest friend, Victor Bergman. He walked down the stairs to confront him. “You don’t keep a woman as special as Helena waiting.”

John smiled in agreement and immediately put down his charts. “Would you think she’d mind much that I was late?”

“Are you kidding? Are we talking about the same Helena?” Victor asked.

“True. We are talking about the same Helena who wouldn’t have anything off schedule in her life,” John laughed.

“Not if she can help it,” Victor agreed. “Now stop talking and get out of here.”

John nodded and quickly filed his paperwork. The car was waiting for him with the top already down and a fifteen minute trip to his house ahead of him. He thought he had the entire night easily planned out. He was wrong.

John arrived at the restaurant early and proceeded to the bar for a drink. Halfway through his martini, a young woman sat down next to him and introduced herself. Her name was Kate Smallset. He couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was and didn’t mind that she started a conversation.

She took a sip of her cosmopolitan and smiled. “Oh this bartender does make a mean martini, doesn’t he?”

“He does indeed,” John responded.

“This is one of my favorite restaurants. Can’t beat the prime rib.”

“No, you can’t.

“So are you meeting someone here?”

“Yes, my girlfriend.”

“She’s very lucky,” She quipped.

John smiled and took a deep breath before taking a long sip of his drink. The martini had given him too much confidence in the fact that Helena wasn’t due to arrive for another 30 minutes. He had time to enjoy her company—no harm.

“So you come here alone often?” John asked surprised.

“I like the food here. What else can one do when one is single and wants to enjoy a good meal?” Kate responded with a devilish smile.

“Good point,” John responded.

Kate ordered another drink with hopes of continuing to get to know John. She had checked his ring finger as soon as she sat down and figured he was fair game. Nevermind that she was at least 15 years younger than he was. Little did John know, she knew exactly who John was and was position he held at the space center.  Their conversation continued and before John knew it, Kate was inches away from his lips, his arms were around her shoulders, and his hand on her leg caressing her knee. The guilt he felt began to overtake him and he pulled away suddenly.

But it was too late. Helena was standing in the doorway to the lounge in shock.  Instinct made John look around to see if he’d been caught and his heart sank when his eyes met Helena’s. She wasted no time in leaving the restaurant. John knew that chasing after her would futile.

“Something wrong?  Kate asked.

“I’ve got to go,” he said solemnly and dragged himself from the lounge. He heard faintly in the background the mater’ d calling his name for the table and continued to walk out the door. He saw Helena’s car still in the parking lot with her in it. He could see that she was crying and decided to approach her. His head was filled with things to say but none of them seemed appropriate. Before he reached her car, she had spotted him and quickly left the parking lot.

Helpless and ashamed, John went back in to the lounge to have a few more martinis. It wasn’t long before he was cut off by the bartender and seated outside the restaurant on a bench.

He knew this was the second time he’d done this to Helena and that she was too good a woman to take him back. He stayed on the bench for almost an hour, contemplating calling Victor, going somewhere else to drink, or returning home. Finally the idea hit him to get in the car and drive. He didn’t care where. He just wanted to drive until he could forget everything. By dawn he was sitting on the cold morning sand in the Keys without a hope in the world.

*           *           *           *           *           *

Dawn came quickly for Helena as she had fallen asleep after a few drinks at home. She walked out on to her patio and stared at palm trees lining the beach. Going to work that day seemed difficult but was the obvious alternative to staying at home, miserable and alone. She slowly dressed and went to work. Victor was the first to greet her and ask about the date. Fighting back tears she swallowed and dryly explained what had happened. Victor felt embarrassed that his best friend would be capable of this hurt. He almost physically forced Helena in to his office, locked the door, and tried to reason with her.

“I can’t condone what John’s done. I’d love nothing more than to –“ he held back his anger and tried to stay unemotional for Helena’s sake. “But look, you two are perfect for each other. I’ve never seen two people connect like you have. Isn’t there any way you’d talk with him?”

“No. I just want to work,” she stood as she walked to open the door. Victor beat her to it and forced it shut. “Victor, let me go,” she pleaded.

“Not a chance. We’ve got more to talk about.”

After a few deep breaths, Helena couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “Victor, please,” she pleaded. “There’s nothing more to say.” She struggled with him to get the door open and finally left the room. Her office was just a few doors down and she secluded herself there…ignoring all calls and knocks to her locked door. She just sat there and starred out the window until she had composed herself well enough to return to work.

While making her rounds to check on the few patients she had that day, she was confronted by the space commissioner. “Dr. Russell.”

“Yes sir?” She responded.

“I’d like to see you in my office as soon as possible,”
“Of course, sir,” she added. She knew what he wanted. He was anxious for her report on the long term effects of a tour of duty in space. She had it completed the day before and brought it to him as he requested. As she turned to leave his office, he asked her “Have you heard from Koenig? He hasn’t reported in today.”

“No sir. I haven’t,” she said flatly. She stood there in silence waiting for him to dismiss her.

“Thank you. That is all,” he said.

Helena couldn’t wait to get out of there and prepare to leave for the day. She wanted nothing more than to go home and hope tomorrow would be a less painful day. She gathered her things in her briefcase and started out the door. To her dismay she ran in to Victor.

“Have you heard from him?” Victor asked.

“No.”

“He didn’t show up for work today.”

“So I heard,” she added. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Victor.”

“I’m sure he’ll call,” he added as she walked away. He said under his breath, “He’d better call.” He shook his head and gingerly strolled back to his work.

A week had passed before anyone had heard from John. Victor couldn’t help but worry that something had happened to him, and whether Helena would admit it to anyone, she was also. Her anger had subsided and now all she felt was the hurt and the pain of missing him. This was so unlike him. Victor and Helena were called in to the commissioner’s office for questioning.

“Have a seat,” he instructed both of them. “John Koenig hasn’t reported in and has been MIA since Friday. He has been suspended indefinitely until an investigation can solve this. Do either of you have any information that could help out?”

Victor spoke first, knowing how uncomfortable this was for Helena. “No sir. The last I saw of him was last Friday at work.”

“Dr. Russell?” The Commissioner asked.

“No sir. I haven’t seen nor heard from him.”

The commissioner shook his head in disbelief. “Look, I know you’re good friends of his. It’s in his best interest that you provide us information. I’m just trying to help him”

Helena had nothing more to say. Victor answered, “We realize that sir. We’re as baffled and concerned as you are.”

Victor and Helena walked down the corridor together. “John hasn’t called me. Honestly.”

“I didn’t ask if he did,” Helena responded surprised.

“I know you’re wondering. I know you’re worried.”

Helena took a breath then responded. “I am. I’m terribly worried, Victor. I mean, this is so unlike him. His job means everything to him.”

“I’ve gone by his house a couple times. He hasn’t been home in days.”

“Well he can’t be in a hospital somewhere. They wouldn’t have notified the space program,” Helena explained.

“Exactly. Where could he have gone?”

“I don’t really care. As long as he’s alright,” she said.

*           *           *           *           *           *           *

That night, Victor finally received the phone call he’d been waiting for. John called. Victor was so relieved to hear his voice.

“John?” Victor shouted in to the phone anxiously.

“Yea, it’s me. I thought I’d better call,” he answered.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m alright,” unsure of his answer.

“Where are you? Everyone’s wondering—“

John interrupted him and asked, “Does she talk about me?” His voice sounded intoxicated and desperate.

“Ah, not really. She doesn’t talk at all, actually,” Victor answered. “Where are you?”

“In the Keys. Anyone at work miss me?” John asked.

“Well, apparently so. You’ve been suspended.”

“I figured as much. I’ll smooth it over when I come back. If I come back,” he added.

“You’re coming back John. Pull yourself together. Where’s the man I know?”

“He’s gone, Victor. Really, I couldn’t care less what happens to me now.” John’s attitude turned light-hearted and added, “You know margaritas go well with just about any dish…any mood…anything.”

“John come home,” Victor pleaded.

“I’ve got to go. I’m out of limes and salt.”

“John wai—“ Victor was cut off. The caller id listed John’s cell phone. At least he now had an idea where he was and knew he had to inform Helena.

He immediately called Helena with the news only to get her voice mail. Helena was sitting alone, with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other, starring at her phone as it rang. She didn’t care who it was. She contemplated going out that night. She’d wasted enough tears and time on that man she’d loved. It had been over a month and that was long enough. She forced a smile on her face as she marched to her bedroom to pick out a nice outfit for the evening.

It wasn’t long before she was dressed and heading out the door. Only to be confronted by Victor. “Victor! What lovely timing. I’m going out!” She stated with confidence. “Join me.”

She shut the door behind her, pushed her way past Victor, then turned to grab his hand.

“Come on.”

“I know where he is,” Victor stated flatly.

“Who?” She asked naively.

“You know who. He’s in the Keys. He called me about 30 minutes ago. He’s very depressed.”

“Good,” she quipped. “Are you coming with me or not because I’m going to have a good time tonight.”

“Helena, let’s go. I’ll drive down with you. We’ll find him. Somehow.”

“Forget it, Victor. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’m moving on,” she insisted. “Now would you like to join me or not? I’ll bet you haven’t eaten.”

As upbeat as her mood appeared, she was surpressing her desire to follow Victor’s lead. She would love nothing more than to forget this whole incident and get back together with John. There was no doubt she missed him terribly. However, her determination to protect herself from getting hurt again prevailed. “Thank you Victor, but no. It’s over between us.”

Victor starred straight in to her eyes, and said “Dammit Helena, I’m serious. John sounded terrible and I’m worried. If you don’t care about him as his girlfriend, at least care for him as a human being. He desperately needs our help.”

Helena ignored Victor and secluded herself in her car. Victor shook his head with disappointment and walked to his car. Before he could turn the ignition key, Helena was standing at this window. Victor rolled down the window and waited her for to speak.

She hesitated, took a deep breath, then said, “Give me a minute to get my things.”

A smile of relief broke on Victor’s face. He had high hopes the two of them would be able to convince John to reclaim his life. Helena couldn’t help but care for his welfare, but knew she wanted nothing more than to make sure he was safe.

Victor did most of the driving and they were in the Keys by ten o’clock. They split up to cover more ground in looking for John. They started first with the hotels then moved on to the bars figuring he’d be in one place or the other.

Helena walked in to one bar and immediately found a booth so that she could rest. She ordered coffee with hopes of waking up and slumped down in her chair from exhaustion. After a few sips, she looked up from her cup and saw him. Her first instinct was to slouch further down in her chair to hide. She was astonished by how bad he looked. He was wearing some old jeans and a cheap tourist T-shirt with a bar name on it. He wasn’t wearing shoes and was limping due to  what appeared to be a badly sprained ankle. He walked straight to the bar and rested on the barstool.

Still frozen with uncertainty she sat still in her chair. It wasn’t too late to hide and turn back. However, the more she stared at him, the more she felt compelled to help him. There he was. Sipping on his margarita on the rocks, loaded with salt and despair. She knew she had to do something. Before she knew it she was standing behind him. John noticed the bartender starring at someone behind him and he slowly turned to face her. He was obviously shocked to see her.

“What are you doing here,” He asked in shock.

She took a breath, then answered. Her tone was very cold and unsure. “Victor and I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

John sighed and said, “You look beautiful.”

“You look like hell,” Helena commented.

“I’m fine. You didn’t need to bother,” he grabbed his drink and started walking away from her.

“Obviously  we did. LOOK at you!” She added with more emotion now. “You’re a wreck. You’ve been suspended from work, you’re obviously hurt, and—“

“I’m fine. Really, just leave me alone. I don’t deserve your attention,” he started walking away.

The jukebox started playing one of their favorite Jimmy Buffett songs, “Why Don’t We Get Drunk And Screw.” John made it as far as the door and stopped dead in his tracks. Helena’s heart started beating faster as she began to cry.  She just stood there not knowing what to do, not knowing how to feel. John turned suddenly to grab her and pull her close to him.

“Oh Helena, Helena. I love you so much.”

Helena hesitated then finally returned his embrace.

John continued, “Living without you has been pointless.  Seeing you again was like false hope.”

Tears still falling, Helena responded, “My life hasn’t been worth living either. Not without you.”

“Will you give me another chance?” John asked.

“I don’t think I have a choice. I can’t live with you either.”

“Why don’t we take this song’s advice. I’ve missed you,” John had a devilish smile on his face.

Helena couldn’t help but laugh and smile as it felt SO good to have him back in her arms.

THE END

The prospect of a new world always sparked excitement and anticipation on Alpha. For over a year now the moon had traveled past many planets, some habitable, some unbareable. This time it was a planet that was far from ideal, but certainly livable. The temperatures ranged from the 32-38 celsius at mid-day to well below freezing at night. This was the planet’s summer season. The winter could be far more harsh. John Koenig called a conference to discuss the prospects of a landing party.

Victor Bergman was the first to enter the room. As always, he appeared optimistic as he made his way to a chair. John greeted him as he remained standing and staring out the window at the planet.

“Planet’s still pretty far away. We’ve got plenty of time, John,” Victor started.

“I know. Just wondering if this will be the one.”

Victor smiled and tilted his head and glanced through all the paperwork of stats on the planet. “It’s not ideal, but we can live there. Hard to resist the prospect of a blue sky and fresh air to breathe.”

“True. And the temperatures aren’t that bad,” John added.

“Hmm,” Victor agreed.

Paul Morrow and Sandra Benes were the next to join the meeting. Both appeared excited. Alan Carter shortly followed and before long, they were all seated at the table. There was just one person missing.

John reached over to press the com button on his desk to call Dr. Russell.

“Medical Center,” Bob Mathias answered.

“Where’s Dr. Russell?” John asked.

“She’s on her way, commander. She was detained,” He answered.

“OK, thank you,” John said then turned to the group present to begin talking about the planet. “Dr. Russell will be here in a moment. Let’s get started.”

John grabbed the paperwork of stats on the planet and glanced through the first few pages. “I’d say that we’ve found a planet that’s not ideal, but certainly worth a look.”

Helena entered the room. “Sorry I’m late.” She took the seat right next to Victor. John noticed that she appeared to be distracted and said nothing.

John threw her a brief smile before proceeding. “Sandra, still no life signs?”

“I’m not sure, sir.”

“What do you mean? I thought our initial scans showed the planet was uninhabited,” John questioned.

“They did. But I’ve run further scans and I can’t explain what I’ve found.” Sandra turned to Victor. “Professor, I was just about to come to you with these findings. I just can’t make sense of them.” She passed the papers to Victor, and then continued. “It’s like a bird landing on a sensor. There’s a reading for a brief moment—then it’s gone.”

“Did you scan the same area again?” Victor asked.

“Yes sir. And each time I scan, there’s nothing. Then I switch to a different quadrant, and find the same thing. Something registers, and then disappears.”

“Well I wouldn’t be surprised if we found life of some kind there. The atmosphere is quite tolerable to many forms of life, including ours. Though it’s odd that it didn’t show up during the first scans,” Victor explained.

Paul then asked “What exactly do the first scans show?”

“Non-specific life signs. The only thing I can figure so far is that they’re not humanoid,” Sandra responded.

“Well, it sounds like the only way to find out is to go down there,” Alan added enthusiastically.

“Dr. Russell? What have you found?” John asked.

“I’ve determined the atmosphere to be habitable, but not ideal. Temperatures ranging from about 30-38 degrees celsius by mid-day and below freezing at night.”

“Sounds like the Arizona desert during the summer,” Paul added cheerfully.

“I’m not too worried about the extreme temperatures. I’m concerned about Sandra’s findings and think we should investigate further before sending down the landing party,” Helena added.

“Victor?” John asked.

“I feel we’ve done enough research from here. I suggest we do what further scans we can until we’re in range tomorrow, then send down the landing party. The planet sounds great to me,”

John sensed Helena’s apprehension yet he himself felt safe that it was time to order the landing. He realized how anxious everyone would be to get down there.

“OK. Let’s do a fly by to begin with. Carter will be in charge.  Take Jones for data analysis and Linley as your co-pilot. Sandra, you’ll work with Jones from here. Lift off will be at 1100 hours tomorrow. Meeting dismissed,” John concluded.

All left with smiles on their faces except for Helena. John sensed her reservation and wanted to discuss it with her further.

“Helena? Would you stay behind?”

“Of course,” she responded as she turned back to sit next to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she stated with surprise.

“Something’s wrong. You look distracted,” he added, trying to coax her to talk.

“No, I’m fine. Based on the information we have, I’d have to agree to send the landing party. I just have reservations about the planet. Nothing I can put my finger on through,” She answered.

“Are the inaccurate life signs bothering you?”

Helena took a breath and thought for a moment. She had been troubled by the prospect of going down to the planet and had no idea why. This wasn’t exactly the proof she needed to halt the mission.

“Do you have any data that leads you to believe that the planet’s not safe?” He asked. John knew her so well he could almost read her mind.

“I don’t know why, but I feel uncomfortable sending our people down there.” She knew John Koenig needed facts before he’d disappoint his crew and cancel the landing.

“I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe just nerves of being disappointed too many times,” she added.

John knew her too well to know that that wasn’t true. “It looks good,” he began as he reached for her hand. With a reassuring smile, he pulled her hand close to his mouth and kissed it warmly. “I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

“Me too,” she said trying to sound more at ease.

1100 hours came quickly as anticipation filled the base. Alan, Jones, and Linley were ready for take off. Both John and Helena were in Main Mission. Helena watched their vital signs closely while John oversaw the mission. The Eagle’s lift off went without a hitch and everyone watch the monitors with anticipation.

The flight was a long 10 hour wait for all the anxious Alphans.

The Eagle was hovering over an area of beautiful red rocks allowing the cameras to show the people back home what they had to look forward to. Jones was seated in back analyzing data while Carter & Linley were piloting the eagle.

“How does it look?” Koenig asked.

“Looks like Arizona in August! But it sure beats grey walls,” Alan responded.

“Sounds great. Make a few passes and send us the stats. We’ll go from there,” Koenig explained.

“Will do. Carter out.”

The eagle started making their second pass when sensors detected a fast moving ion storm. Carter changed course to avoid it but still got caught by the edge of it. This made communications difficult.

“Carter to Moonbase Alpha, come in,” Alan started. “Come in Alpha.”

He then asked Linley to continue trying to raise Alpha while he piloted the eagle.

Main Mission was suddenly very busy after they’d lost contact with the eagle. Sandra continually tried to reach the distressed eagle with no success.

Fifteen minutes had passed and the static cleared. Eagle one was back in contact.

“Carter here. I hear you loud and clear. We went through some kind of ion storm.”

“Is everyone OK?” John asked.

“Yea, we’re fine. I think the ship was damaged, though. We’re going to have to land to make repairs.”

“OK, set her down and do what you can. I’ll send another eagle your way just in case.”

“No need. Jones already found the trouble. The motherboard is fried. We’ll just need to shut everything down to replace it.”

“Sounds good. Let us know what you think of the place,” John asked.

“We will,” Carter responded.

Eagle 7 landed in a desolate area of red rocks and dust. It didn’t look like much, but to Carter and Linley, it was a much needed vacation. They left the Eagle and took a few deep breaths of fresh air. Immediately they felt the intense dry heat.

“Wow!” Exclaimed Linley. “It’s hot!”

Carter laughed and added, “Sure but it’s better than the cold while corridors of Alpha.”

Linley shrugged in agreement as they started to climb up some red rocks.

All at once a tremendous wind whipped past both Alphans and both lost their footing. Both had a couple scrapes but no serious injuries.

“What the hell was that?” Carter shouted in shock. “Afternoon breeze?”

“Some breeze!” Linley added.

Carter’s comlock sounded with Koenig on the line. “What’s the update, Alan?”

“Ah, well. I’d have to say it’s a bit windy here.”

“Explain.”

“The air was still as can be then suddenly there was a huge gust of wind. I’d say close to 80 kilos.  It’s strange because it’s gotta be well over 38 degrees out here but the wind felt cold…cold as night. Strangest thing,” Carter described.

“Are you both alright?” Asked Helena standing next to Koenig in Main Mission.

“Oh yea. We’re fine. Just a few scrapes.”

Helena, always concerned, directed them to return to the eagle to tend to their cuts. “Just being cautious of infection. Get some ointment on the cuts & bandage them up before returning outside,” she directed.

“Really, we’re fine,” Carted disagreed.

Helena smiled and shook her head. “Bandages. That’s all I ask.”

“Will do, Doc,” Carter responded laughing. “We’re going to try go do what we can with the computer and venture back out side.”

“Sounds good. Be careful and get some rest. Eagle 5 won’t be there ‘til morning,” Koenig advised.

“Sure thing. Carter out.”

Carter, Linley, and Jones finally made the time to get some must needed rest. They slept in sleeping bags in the eagle. There was a sudden temperature drop in the eagle that woke Carter.  He stirred then sat up to look around. Linley was breathing very hard and sweating. Carter figured it was a nightmare but was unsuccessful in waking him. Within minutes Linley was conscious and in terrible pain. Carter immediately called medical.

“Eagle 5 to Alpha. Get me medical…quick!”

Within moments, Helena responded. “Medical.”

“Something’s wrong with Andrew.”

“What are his symptoms,” She asked calmly.

“I’m not sure but it looks like he’s having a heart attack.  He’s in a lot of pain in his chest and his arm, he’s sweating—“

Helena cut him off “Is he conscious?”

“Yes.”

“Get the medical kit,” she directed.

Alan scrambled for the kit. By the time he returned, Linley had lost consciousness. “Helena. He’s out cold!” Alan shouted. “Should I start CPR?”

“NO. I’ve got him on the monitor and his heart’s still beating.” She paused to analyze the readings on her monitor. “It’s beating over 150 beats per minute. That’s impossible,” She exclaimed. “Just make him as comfortable as possible.”

“Isn’t there anything I can give him?”

“Not with the resources there. I need him here on Alpha. How soon can you get him here?” Helena asked.

“Eagle 7 will be here in about 2 more hours. I’ll send Andrew back after they drop off the new computer equipment.”

Alan covered him with his sleeping bag and tried to keep him warm and stable. He tried not to panic as he watched his friend slowly die. Suddenly Linley let out a horrifying scream as he clutched his arm in pain. He then hit his head back hard on the floor of the eagle as he fell in to convulsions. It wasn’t long before he was permanently silent. Alan just stood there and stared in disbelief how a perfectly healthy man could die such a violent death. He looked closer and saw blood streaming his eyes and ears.

Helena instructed Alan to stay in the eagle. There had to be something on that planet that caused Linley’s death. “Alan, was there anything else strange? Anything at all?”

“Yes, come to think of it. It was very cold in here during Andrew’s attack. Yet it’s hot now.”

“I’ll figure it out. I’m so sorry, Alan,” Helena added.

She then took a break to make the call to Koenig. Helena woke up the commander to inform him of the emergency. Within minutes he had his robe on and was in Medical Center wanting an immediate update. She gave him the details and John woke Victor and asked him to meet them in Helena’s office.

Victor, John, & Helena discussed the situation in Helena’s office.

“I told Alan to stay in the eagle until eagle 7 arrives. I just find it hard to believe that Linley’s death was due to natural causes,” Helena began.

“Yet there was nothing that Alan reported to substantiate your theory,” John questioned.

Victor said nothing while he scratched his head. He had already obtained the details from Alan and had not even a theory. He knew the only way they’d find anything out is to investigate the planet in person. John ordered Alan to remain in the Eagle while an investigative landing party was sent out. This time the eagle was equipped with medical equipment and weapons.

^^^^^^^

Within 4 hours the landing party was on the planet and Eagle 7 was recalled to base. After repairing Eagle 5, John, and two security personnel assisted Alan and Jones in further exploring the planet. Helena remained behind to examine Linley’s body to determine the cause of death. It was nearly noon and the temperature was already 100 degrees.

Helena’s comlock sounded. “Helena?” asked John.

“Yes John.”

“How’s it coming?”

“Well, from what I can tell, he died of a heart attack. However, the circumstances are a concern because he was very healthy and the heart attack was incredibly massive.”

“Keep me posted. Out,” John responded in dismay.

Helena tried to hide her frustration as she continued to examine the body.

The day passed quickly while the landing party investigated the planet. Night had fallen and it was time to set up camp. The campfire they built kept them warm until the temperatures dropped below 20 degrees and they retreated to the eagle and their warm sleeping bags. Despite the death of their friend, the mood was optimistic as most signs of the planet lead them to believe that it was habitable. All fell asleep except for John Koenig. Restless, he sat and studied some data collected on the weather patterns. There must be something that they’re missing, he said to himself over and over.

John finally started to drift off to sleep when he realized that the temperature had fallen drastically.  He was fully awake and inspected the crew. All were sound asleep except for Martinez. He was breathing heavy and uneasy. All at once an electrical fire started in the cockpit. John sprang to his feet and tried to put out the fire with the extinguisher. Everyone but Martinez woke up. Helena immediately noticed Martinez’s condition and tended to him.

“What the hell?” Alan shouted as he assisted John in putting the fire out.

“I don’t know, but something’s going on,” John began. “Everyone outside until we can get the fire out.”

“John, something’s wrong with Greg.”

John left the fire to Alan and the other men and sat next to Martinez. He was suddenly conscious and shouts, “Get them out of me! They’re in my body!”

“Who’s in your body?” Helena asked calmly.

“They are!” He shouted. “Just get them out!” He screamed as he grabbed Helena’s arm. He was in terrible pain and clutched her arm so tight it. She tried to calm him but could not get him to release her.

“Greg, calm down. We’ll help you,” John added.

Helena knew something was terribly wrong and instructed John to grab the sedative out of the medical kit. John injected him in his arm and he fell lifeless. She sat back & caught her breath for just a brief moment before returning her patient. He was unconscious and convulsing.

“There must be something you can do!” John shouted in panic.

“It appears to be a heart attack yet his heart is still beating. I’ve given him nitroglycerin and another injection but nothing seems to helping. His heart is beating so fast his valves can’t handle the blood flow. I don’t know what to do,” she said in exasperation.

“We’re leaving!” John said firmly.

He returned to the cockpit only to find Alan holding burnt computer cards. “We’re not going anywhere, commander,” He said.

John and Alan worked tirelessly to try to repair the computer. Finally John tossed the burnt cards to the floor and stated, “Screw it. We’re outta here. We’ll do it without the guidance system.”

They lifted off about 100 feet and crash landed shortly after. An electrical short ran through the entire eagle leaving them no choice but to freefall to the ground. John threw off his seatbelt and ran to back and found Helena unconscious with blood dripping from her head. All eyes were on John as he tried to revive her, knowing how much he cared for her. Realizing that it was most likely a concussion, there wasn’t much he could do except watch her carefully.

A few minutes passed as the crew sat still hoping Helena would regain consciousness. No one could move. Suddenly Helena awoke with a gasp with a terrified look on her face. She was breathing heavy and was obviously scared. John tried to calm her.

“You’re all right, Helena. Lay still.”

Desperately trying to get her words out as she continued to catch her breath she said, “There’s—there’s life here, John. We’ve got to get off this planet.”

“Take it easy, we’re not going anywhere. The eagle’s dead.”

She took a deep breath then added calmly, “We will be too if we don’t leave.”

John avoided her statement and concentrated on her condition. He cleaned the blood from her forehead while insisting she lay still. She of course refused, sat up, and described her experience.

“John, listen to me. There are some type of beings here. While I was unconscious, they were somehow inside my body.”

“You were dreaming,” John corrected.

“No, it wasn’t a dream. It’s my guess that when they enter our bodies, for whatever reason, our bodies can’t handle it.”

John added, “And we need to be asleep for them to do it”

“Exactly.”

“Well we can’t stay awake indefinitely,” Alan added.

“Alan, do what you can to restore communications,” John directed to the security guard. “Mike, don’t take your eye off Dr. Russell. Don’t let her fall asleep.”

“I’m fine, John.”

“Lay still,” he said as he gently forced her to lay back. If she had much energy, she’d fight his orders. However, it took all her energy to stay coherent and conscious.

“Alan, you and I are somehow going to restore comms.”

“Well, we could try to re-wire the communicators using eagle parts that still work,” Alan added.

“Let’s see what we can do,” John stated.

Helena was feeling better but was having a hard time staying awake. She gave shots of adrenaline to everyone to keep them awake. John and Alan kept busy by working tirelessly into the night trying to restore comms.

Everyone was exhausted and about ready to give up hope. Mike & John took turns in getting Helena up on her feet to keep her awake. It was now morning and she was completely out of energy. Mike was helping her pace the floor when she faltered and and finally collapsed.

“Commander!” Mike shouted.

John and Alan rushed in to try to wake her up. “Alan, get the adrenaline.” John spoke anxiously.

Alan brought the hypo over and injected her quickly. Within seconds, Helena appeared to be regaining consciousness but it was only temporary. She faded again and started convulsing. Finally she lay still in John’s arms.

“NO!” John shouted in panic. “Dammit this can’t be happening!”

Everyone stood helpless until Alan shouted, “Hey! I hear something outside.”

A tear ran down John’s face as he pulled Helena close to him. Alan opened the door. The sound was that of an Eagle landing to rescue the stranded crew. “It’s an eagle!” Alan shouted back to John and then darted for the eagle.

Alan expressed the urgency and before long they had Helena on a stretcher and in the rescue eagle. She was awake now & grabbing her head and arm in pain.

“Nitro tablets…..” she barely spoke, “Under my tongue.”

John scrambled to search the medical kit and found the medicine. He placed the tablets under her tongue as directed and hoped for the best.

“Lift off!” John shouted to the pilots.

“But sir, the other eagle…” One of the pilots questioned.

“Leave it! We’re getting off this rock.”

Once they had left the planet’s atmosphere, Helena regained full consciousness. Her breathing was back to normal and she had a smile of relief on her face.

“They’re gone,” she took another deep breath then added, “They must not be able to leave the planet.”

“We’re glad to have you back,” John said as he embraced her. “Whatever they were, whatever they wanted of us, that planet was no place for us. Let’s go home”

They enjoyed a smooth flight back to Alpha, their home.

The End

There was more to the sunrise this chilly Florida morning. Today was the day Dr. Helena Russell started her tour of duty on Moonbase Alpha. She took her latte to the beach to take advantage of what would be the last Earth sunrise she would ever see. Although she would go to a cold and sterile environment, this was the change she had been seeking.  Helena had been looking forward to this challenge for some time now. After the death of her husband, Lee, her life was left empty and flat. This would be the first December she’d be able to get through Christmas by keeping her mind occupied.

After her husband was killed on the Astro 7 mission years earlier, her life changed dramatically. She was a single woman again. After being left behind by the married friends she and Lee had shared, she found herself lost in her work. She found satisfaction that seemed to fill the void left in her life after Lee died.

Although she’d worked on Alpha many times, most of her career in the space program had been spent on Earth.  She had been looking for the opportunity to prove herself worthy of a more permanent position on Alpha. She was assigned to fill an open position in life support, and although she’d rather be working directly with the patients, she was excited to finally get a full time position on Alpha.

Seven am came quickly and Helena hurried to gather her belongings. She was due at Kennedy Space Center for her 8:00 am eagle flight. Unlike so many of her colleagues, Helena actually enjoyed space flight. She relished flying among the stars with a peace so often not found on Earth. She also felt comfortable with the sense of routine that was inevitable living on a moon base. Little did she realize the future held for her the never ending serenity of outer space when the moon would be blasted out of the Earth’s orbit on September 13^th, 1999.

She boarded the Eagle knowing that she was going in to the lion’s den with very few friends. Helena had a reputation of being one of the most knowledgeable and innovative docs in the space program. She also had a reputation of being cold and unfriendly. To ask any of her past patients, though, she had a bedside manner of mixed only with kindness and professionalism. Helena never understood why so many people felt threatened by her. People avoided her which only added to her loneliness. She was grateful that her two of her closest friends, Victor Bergman and Sandra Benes, were already assigned to Alpha.

She spent most of the flight in meditation, preparing for her arrival. She knew what she was up against. Bob Mathias had been temporary chief medical officer after the previous one had resigned suddenly. Everyone knew that the position would be filled soon, and it was common knowledge that Bob was the sentimental favorite to earn the post. He was very well liked and had the experience. The medical staff felt that Helena would be inflexible and tough. She couldn’t allow that to bother her now. She needed to concentrate on the job at hand.

To her surprise, Helena was welcomed at the eagle dock by Dr. Mathias. He was nothing but professional and courteous as he showed her to her quarters and assigned her her duties. Although neither of them spoke of it, it was quite awkward for both as they were aware of the competition that lay ahead for them next week. It was such an honor to be chosen to work on Alpha as the Meta probe launch date was growing close. There was an atmosphere of excitement and anticipation while the staff performed their day to day duties.

Helena was placed on the life support staff and warned not to make too many changes. Commander Gorski made it clear to all of Alpha that the focus was to keep everything running smoothly and get the Meta probe launched. Within two days Helena had already prepared a long list of changes that she felt needed to be made in the life support department. Some she felt were critical enough to bring to Commander Gorski’s attention. However he put little credence in her ideas and refused to meet with her. She respected his time and waited patiently through the following week. The space commission would certainly hire a new chief medical officer, and she felt her chances were in her favor that she would be placed in that position. Surely then Gorski as well as others would be forced to listen to her.

*                       *                       *                       *                       *

The date was January 3^rd, 1999 and Helena was apprehensive about the meeting with the Lunar Space Commission that morning. On the eagle flight to Earth she was even more disturbed to hear a lunar space commission broadcast. The announcer explained,

“This week the Lunar Space Commission has a difficult task ahead of them. They will be making the appointment of the new Chief Medical Officer of Moonbase Alpha. This after the former chief medical officer resigned suddenly. Although there are several applicants, the most prominent are Dr. Bob Mathias and Dr. Helena Russell.  It’s apparent that Dr. Mathias has the clear advantage as he has been acting chief medical officer for some time now and has far more experience on Alpha than Dr. Russell. However, inside sources say that a major shake up is in store for the commanding officers of Alpha. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

After landing, Helena made sure her uniform and appearance was in perfect order and headed towards the conference room at NASA. Top members of the Lunar Space Commission were waiting there for her and for Bob Mathias for what she expected to be one last interview. Just before reaching the door, she received an urgent page about a critical patient she had been caring for prior to leaving for Alpha. She entered the conference room and quickly excused herself.

“Good morning. I beg your pardon, sirs. I’ve been paged and need to attend to a highly critical patient.”

“Dr. Russell, “Commissioner Simmonds began with a frown, “Is this meeting not important to you?”

“Sir, of course it is. However, nothing’s more important than a patient’s health. Please forgive me. I’ll return as soon as possible.”

“Don’t keep us waiting long. Find someone else to cover for you,” Simmons snapped.

“I shall, sir.” She responded and quickly left the room.

What terrible timing, she thought as she walked fast paced down the corridor. She’d never get the position now. Yet the disappointment soon turned to the cold reality that her patient was fighting for his life, while she was simply fighting for a promotion. Calm took over her as she pushed open the doors to the care unit to try to save her patient.

Back in the conference room, the commission spoke with Mathias. Commissioner Simmonds was seated silently with his arms folded while someone else spoke.

“Dr. Mathias. We’ve made our decision.”

The decision had been made and Helena Russell was the new chief medical officer of Moonbase Alpha. The news spread faster than a wildfire. The medical staff felt Bob Mathias was the obvious choice. He had worked on Alpha longer than Helena and most people felt he was next in line. Tenure played no part in the commission’s decision to appoint Helena to the position. With the exception of Commissioner Simmonds, she was the unanimous choice. Her professionalism, fortitude, and progressive thinking made her the commission’s choice. They felt it was time for a real change. Within the hour the announcement was made and Helena was on her way back to Alpha to face a difficult journey.

*                                   *                                   *

This time there was no one to greet Helena at the eagle dock. Commander Gorski left a message in her quarters that they would meet when he had time. Her comlock had been already been programed to open the doors to her new quarters next to Medical Center. She took the next couple hours to settle in to her new space and relax before she faced her staff. She had already planned what she was going to say to her staff when she had her first meeting with them. It all fell through when suddenly the red alert alarm sounded throughout Alpha.

Instantly Helena rushed to Medical Center and prepared the staff for the emergency at hand like she had done it a thousand times. Within minutes she was informed that it was a false alarm. Then came the perfect opportunity to have her first staff meeting. Most of the staff was pretty cold to her yet offered her the appropriate respect.

“That was impressive,” she addressed the group of people starring at her, including Bob Mathias. “You were all ready within minutes.” She took a moment to catch her breath, then continued. “As you are all aware, I’ve been assigned to the post of Chief Medical Officer in charge of Medical and Life Support. I’m honored to be working with the best staff in the space program. I know I wasn’t your choice for this position and I can understand how you must be feeling. However, I suggest you put those feeling aside as I expect nothing less than your best performance every day. I ask for your attention and respect as well as your trust. In return you will have my full support. “

               Deep down inside Helena just wanted their friendship, yet she knew she had to set the tone for her high expectations in order to gain their respect. She pulled out her duty roster and reviewed it with everyone to see what changes could benefit both the staff and Medical Center. 
               Following this discussion Helena promptly requested to meet with Commander Gorski. He had continually refused to set a time for their conference.  
               Gorski finally allocated some time for Helena. She was, of course, fully prepared to argue her case to begin maintenance work on the life
support systems.
          "Commander," Helena began, "Alpha is functioning at capacity right now. There's no margin for error."
          There was no response from Gorski, who sat there stirring his cream in to his coffee.
          Helena persisted, "We need a full evaluation of Life Support's Systems to narrow down where the fault is. According to my research, this system should
be able to sustain far more than 311 people. I think there's a malfunction somewhere."
        "Mmm, hmm," he responded.
        "Sir!" She raised her voice. "I don't think you understand the possible consequences. We are talking about life support!"
       "Dr. Russell, the only consequences I see are that this entire moonbase could be closed due to lack of funding. The manned landing on Meta is our first and only priority," Gorski responded.
        "Never mind that there are 311 lives on this moon who risk their lives every day for this job. And it's my job to keep them safe!" Helena drew a deep
breath in order to calm down.
       Gorski finally looked up from his coffee and answered, "I will take this matter under advisement. You're dismissed."
        It was clear that Helena was not going to get what she needed from her commander. She knew that it would be a long uphill road to earn his respect. She also knew that this base was in danger and she had to find someone who would listen.

*                       *                       *                       *

It was close to 2100 hours and Helena was just getting ready for bed. Her plans were interrupted when her com sounded. Helena detected panic in Craig’s voice and promised she’d be right there. She quickly dressed and hurried down the hall to Life Support Section. She found Craig on his back with several tools in his hands working on a panel he had taken apart.

“I’m here. What’s going on?”  Helena started.

“Dr. Russell. I know it’s late and I’m sor-“ Craig was interrupted.

“It’s fine, Craig. It’s never too late. What have you found?”

“I’ve been monitoring this panel all week. There have been some warning lights that flash red, and then disappear. I don’t know if it’s been maintained as well as it should have. Honestly, Doctor. Before you got here, none of this equipment had been inspected as often as it should have…in my opinion. The Commander’s focus has been the Meta Probe and most resources have been going towards that,” Craig explained.

“I well aware. I’ve been insisting the same thing but my concerns have fallen on deaf ears. Let’s take a look.” She said as she bent down towards the panel.

Craig pointed his flashlight towards the suspected area. “Two of these wires were partially exposed. I doubt that the sensors in the catacombs are functioning properly. We have workers there now and I’m concerned about carbon dioxide levels. I’m going to replace the wires right away.”

“Excellent work,” Helena started. “I want all these panels pulled and checked for faulty wiring. I’ll get Marcus to assist you.”

“Great. Thank you for coming down so late.”

“Not a problem. Oh, and let’s check the O2 and CO2 levels levels manually.”

“I’ll take care of that myself.”

“Thank you. I appreciate your hard work on this. Lives are at stake. I just don’t understand why command has been so nonchalant about this,” Helena added with disappointment.

“Priorities, Doctor. Priorities,” Craig stated.

Craig worked the next hour and replaced the wires.  After he reset the monitors, an alarm sounded. There were high levels of carbon dioxide detected in the catacombs where the men were working, and he decided to check the area manually. After informing Helena, he made his way down to the catacombs. Helena felt this was her chance to finally prove her suspicions were valid and decided to assist him. She carried only a small notebook with her because she wasn’t expecting any immediate complications.

By the time the travel tube reached the catacombs, the alarm sounded and she raced to the room where the workers were. She found the entire crew as well as Craig, unconscious, in the room. She rushed to the atmosphere control panel and tried to restore the oxygen. After realizing that it was no use, she quickly recalled the travel tube and informed Command Center. She knew that they wouldn’t survive much longer without immediate oxygen. Thoughts of proving herself were quickly replaced by instincts of survival. With cautious breaths, she started dragging the men by their feet, one by one, in to the travel tube. Each time she reached the tube she was able get some air. However, it wasn’t long before she started feeling the effects of the high carbon dioxide levels. She had reached the final man and was feeling extremely weak and dizzy. She gasped for one last breath of air then fell to the ground, unconscious.

The rescue crew arrived to find that Helena had somehow found the strength to pull 3 of the 4 men to safety. They found the 4^th man dead with Helena collapsed next to him.  Dr. Mathias was among the rescue team and noticed Helena first.

“Oh God, Helena!” Mathias gasped. While the other rescue team took care of the others, Bob concentrated on Helena. He immediately administered oxygen and was able to revive her.

“Doctor, can you hear me?” Mathias began. “Helena?” He asked again while she was slowly coming around.

“Yes,” Helena whispered, catching her breath. “I’m OK, doctor,” she said with a struggle.

Mathias smiled in relief and stated, “You can call me Bob.”

Helena smiled and closed her eyes from exhaustion. He was able to determine that she didn’t appear to have any brain damage, and help lift her to a stretcher. Bob couldn’t help but be impressed by her bravery. His attitude towards Helena had changed from animosity to respect and he vowed to give her the respect she deserved.

That day Helena had one visitor after another, starting with Sandra and Victor. They were already in Medical Center when she was brought in. She was so glad to see them.

“Helena, we’re so relieved that you’re OK,” Victor said as held her hand. “Next time you decide to rescue someone in the middle of the night, let someone know.”

“I certainly hadn’t planned on it,” she chuckled.

“And Helena,” Sandra began, “I’m sure we can find other entertainment. There’s no need to go playing around the catacombs.”

Helena coughed while she laughed and smiled more than she had in a very long time. Her smile grew brighter as she noticed her entire medical and life support staff filing in one by one to visit her. As tired as she felt, she refused to rest. She was grateful to receive positive feelings rather than the animosity she was accustomed to. With a sense of satisfaction she looked forward to the next day on Alpha. She looked forward a staff that had some emotions invested in their job. People who cared about what they did and had pride in their job. She finally had the respect she needed to implement the changes she felt would hopefully save Alpha. There would be many times Helena would long for walks along the beach, but at least for now, she had satisfaction in her life again.

The End

By Colleen Bement

A tired and annoyed woman watched out her kitchen window as the suns slowly dropped below the horizon. Her daughter was nowhere to be found. She figured her firstborn would push the limits and make it back under the wire. But the potatoes and protein patties were on her perfectly set table, and there was no one seated there to eat it. Supper time was the one meal she expected her family to be on time, yet not even her husband was on time this evening. The hot summer sun had almost set and she opened the small kitchen windows to let in whatever breeze was available. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the hot but fresh air.

Kaylee Frye knew full well that her mother would ground her for a week if she wasn’t seated at the table, hands clean, and ready to say grace. Choosing between certain punishment in order to get her scooter transport running, and being on time for dinner wasn’t an easy decision. She could push it a bit and pray her Mom hadn’t looked at the clock. But then the painful reality set in that if she stayed to finish her task, she wouldn’t be able to ride her new toy if she was grounded.

“Gorramit!” she shouted as she set down the wrench dashed for home.

Thankfully, she only had about a ten minute walk from her father’s shop to home. She figured running would cut the time in half, and she stopped for a breath only when necessary. “God, I need a man,” she said aloud. Not just for the sex, but for a decent ride home! She just had to make it home in time.

She ran past small wood-built dwellings, a school house, and a town market. Their home was at the end of town. Mechanically inclined, Kaylee’s father, Hank Frye, had built a very nice home for his family. He was proud to own one of the best homes in town for his wife Emma. He always felt she deserved more than he had able to offer her.

Kaylee stopped short of the front door to brush the dirt off her jumpsuit and from her unkempt hair. After she figured she’d done the best fixing up she could, she stepped through the door with a glowing pride that she’d made it in time. She smiled merrily as she walked past the table to wash her hands.

“Kaywinnit Lee Frye, you really pushed it this time,” Her mother admonished. “Another few minutes and—“

“C’mon, Ma,” Her father interrupted, already seated at the table. “She’s only sixteen. Have you forgotten what it was like to be a kid?”

“Clearly I haven’t since this is exactly why I want her to follow the rules.” she answered. She turned to Kaylee and added, “Honey, is that scooter really worth it?”

“Of course it is, Ma,” she answered as she continued to scrub the dirt and grease from her hands and arms. Her younger brother Kyle pushed his way in front. Kyle was ten years old. Kaylee picked up her almost annoyingly cheerful attitude from her father. Her mother, on the other hand, took everything in life so seriously.

“Are you sure that you want to be a mechanic, dear? Don’t you have other aspirations?”

“Gifted, she is,” Her father interrupted. “Like nobody I’ve ever seen. And what better job could she have in this huang wú (barren-wasteland) place like this?”

“College. She could obtain a decent education and settle on one of the central planets. That’s where the good men are– where the stability is.” Her mother continued to lecture her while Kaylee already had her eye on the desert.

“Apples! Shiny!” Kaylee exclaimed.

The Fryes were excited to see that they were being treated to fresh apples for desert.  Fresh fruit and vegetables were a delicacy on the outer rim planets. Various rice or potato dishes along with protein supplements shaped into meals were the norm. Hank went hunting once a week, and on occasion, they’d have some sort of fresh meat for supper. Flour and rice were hard to come by as most of the border planets were comprised of deserts or ice. Terraforming didn’t always create the most ideal conditions. Fresh meats were rare considering there weren’t too many animals roaming around on Aura. Their planet was actually a moon that had been terraformed to mimic Earth. What livestock and fowl to be found were eaten up within the first few months. People found themselves too hungry to allow the animals to reproduce.

Kyle tried to grab an apple when no one was looking. Before he knew it, his mother had slapped his hand and told him to wait until after dinner. Kaylee laughed and started her dinner.

“Kyle, after you finish your dinner,” his mother admonished. “Is there anything else that we can discuss at the dinner table?”

“I heard that the Spencers are opening a new fabric store. Maybe we could check it out, Ma? “ Kaylee asked.

“Maybe if business picks up, you girls can get yourselves some proper clothes,” Mr. Frye added.

“Oh that would be a treat. If we could afford it. I’d love to visit the store. Let me know once it’s opened,” Mrs. Frye responded with a sparkle in her eye for the first time this evening.

There was a bit of silence before it was broken by Kyle. “I heard reavers attacked a village on Paquin.”

“Kyle!” His mother scolded. “I’ll have none of that kind of talk at my supper table!”

“Why not? They’re real,” Kyle added.

“Whether they are or not, that’s not something we talk about at supper, son,” Mr. Frye chimed in.

“Was everyone killed?” Kaylee asked frightened.

“Yup. Every last one,” Kyle answered.

“That’s enough!” Mr. Frye shouted. “None of us want to hear about those cannibals.”

Emma left the table and started washing dishes. She didn’t want any part of the conversation. Being a mother, of course, she had a tremendous fear of any harm that could come to her family. Stories were passed along about reavers but no one on Aura had ever seen one. It’s common knowledge that no village survives a reaver attack.

Kaylee immediately sensed her mother’s feelings and changed the subject. “So, college, huh?”

Emma smiled as her daughter continued. “Come to think of it, it’d be shiny to learn about the verse. Do they offer courses on mechanics?”

“Engineering,” Emma added. “Wouldn’t that be exciting to learn?”

Before Kaylee could answer, Hank added, “She already knows more than any instructor. What more could schoolin’ teach her? And you know we could never afford it.”

“That’s OK, Dad,” Kaylee added with a phony smile lingering on her face. “What would I do in a fancy place like college? I like my life the way it is.”

Kaylee didn’t see much of a need for education past high school. She was perfectly content with the cards she was dealt. She dreamt of the exciting life of a ship’s mechanic: flying away to exotic destinations-travel the verse. But the difference between a dream and the reality was always clear to her.  She knew her father had never been given the opportunity to travel on a ship. Kaylee held fast to a hope that her father’s dream would become her reality. She had no intention of being stuck on the planet Aura, where her parents were born and would spend the rest of their lives.

The Fryes were born in to this lifestyle, much to Emma’s dismay. She had accepted her fate, yet wanted something so much more for her children. There wasn’t much on the border planets but ranching and farming. Hank Frye was lucky when he found work. Although she loved her husband very much, Emma, was obviously never content with the life of a homemaker on a border world. Her dreams of far away places and exotic lifestyles were never fulfilled. She’d fallen in love with a poverty bound musician who worked as a mechanic just to make ends meet. He’d never planned to end up with a career as a mechanic. Emma tried to hold back the bitterness she carried, but she couldn’t hide if from Kaylee.

Who ends up with the lifestyle they’d dreamed of, no matter what century you’re born into? In the middle 26th century, the verse was made up of the haves and the have nots. In 2514, it had only been under a hundred years since the people from Earth spread across the galaxy searching for a better life. Earth had become overcrowded and couldn’t sustain its inhabitants.  It took a few hundred years to terraform a nearby galaxy of planets and moons. The central planets were made up of the few worlds where the terraforming took a strong hold. The others were not as fortunate. Inhabitants of the outer rim plants spent most of their life concentrating on survival. They struggled for work, food, and the little bit of happiness they could find in the freedom from a controlling government.

The Anglo-Sino Alliance between America and China was created instead of one destroying the other. Because of the mistakes of the United States in over-extending their military and finances in pointless wars of their recent past, China could easily had Conquered the United States. They instead found it more beneficial to attempt to coexist. Of course, the Alliance became the communist part, and the border worlds clung to the freedom of democracy that the Independents fought for. The planets under Alliance rule had everything…good schools, healthcare, clean food and water. The border worlds had nothing to offer except for a future of freedom and autonomy from the Alliance.

*                                  *                                  *

The conversation had finished long before the meal. There are those times when the supper conversation headed in a direction no one wanted to maintain and silence was preferred. Emma was already washing the dishes, while Hank was reading a newspaper. Kyle was playing with a toy while daydreaming, and Kaylee was simply watching her family. Being a very sensitive person, she couldn’t help but watch and try to figure out what was going on inside everyone’s heads. She knew her father was pleasantly content with his reading of the daily news, and she sensed the pain her mother felt knowing life just didn’t turn out as she planned. Kyle was lost in a world of his own, daydreaming about the mock battle of Serenity that he and his friends played with their toys. Being just a kid Kyle couldn’t understand the importance of that battle. It was the bloodiest and most devastating battle of the entire war against the Alliance. Not only were so many lives lost during that time, but essentially that’s when the Independents or Browncoats as were called, lost the upper hand during that time and the end came quickly. Kaylee just couldn’t understand why everyone couldn’t get along.

“Chores done?” Emma asked both of her children.

“Of course,” Answered Kaylee.

“TahnZan <of course or duh>,” answered Kyle.

“Lao Pa,” Kaylee started. “Would you have time tonight to take a look at the starter on my scooter? It’s not firing right and I’m really close to getting it up and running.”

“Sure thing, cutie,” He answered. “Let’s go.”

“Yea!” she exclaimed. “Ma, we’ll see ya later.”

“Don’t be too late you two,” she admonished.”

Kaylee waved to her mother as she darted out the door. It was always a treat to have the chance to work with her father, whether it was for coin or not.  She usually did some odd jobs around town to gather enough money to buy parts for her projects. Since she was five she had been involved in some sort of mechanical project. Always with an abundance of energy she couldn’t still. This most likely contributed to her lack of interest in school. The only reason she even graduated from high school was the time she spent with her friends…and shop, of course. Shopping was the only thing she looked forward to, besides lunch, of course.

*                                  *                                  *

It was the middle of the night and Hank couldn’t sleep. He had barely dozed off in his favorite chair with a magazine hanging from his hand. All at once he gasped and sat up straight. He thought he’d heard a gunshot and rushed to the window. It was only moments later that he heard screams and saw flames from the other side of town, spewing in to the night sky. Fearing the worst, he grabbed his shotgun and raced to wake his family. He sensed that there was far more danger than a simple fire.

“Emma!” He shouted. “Wake up!”

“What’s wrong, dear?”

“Get the kids up NOW. We’ve gotta get outta here.”

“Why? What’s—“

“Just DO IT!” He shouted.

She ran down the hall to wake her children.

“Kaylee, Kyle,” She firmly said to them. “Wake up, kids. Ni Pa says something’s wrong and we’ve got to leave the house now.”

Barely awake, Kaylee rubbed her eyes and said “Why? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. Just get up and let’s go.” Emma knew her husband well and knew full well that something was wrong.

Kyle added, “Shouldn’t we grab our coats?”

“No. Come, hold my hands. Don’t think we have time,” whatever it was, she had realized that it meant their lives. She clutched her children’s hands tight and dragged them out the door, close behind her husband.

“Shhh,” Hank whispered. “No talking. Hurry!”

None of them had any idea why there were running out of the house in the middle of the night. They were scared though. Good and scared. Whatever it was, they knew they were in grave danger. Before long they all heard it. The terrifying animal-like sounds of the reavers mixed in with the desperate screams of their fellow townspeople echoing in the distance. With gun in hand, Hank ran ahead of the family as they raced for his shop. It was pitch dark and he prayed hard to God they hadn’t been seen. Just before they ran in to Hank’s shop, Kaylee saw a woman in the distance with what looked like her skin ripped and hanging off her arms and face, a trail of blood behind her as she was dragged. She was screaming for help that would never come. Reavers never left survivors. Then she saw them. The townspeople were being chasing through the dirt streets, dust kicking up everywhere. One of two of them were running with their bodies engulfed in flames. The reavers appeared to be some-what human, though it was dark and most of the streetlights had been knocked out. She didn’t need to see them to know what these creatures were: the worst nightmare that the border planets could ever face.

“In here,” Hank whispered. He pointed to a trapdoor in the ground. With his gun shaking in his hand, he all but pushed everyone down the hole. Quickly he shut the trap door and locked it tight behind him. He was breathing hard and couldn’t speak. He simply lifted his finger to his lips to signal complete silence. Finally they were inside Kaylee’s hideout, but she didn’t feel the least bit safe. She tried hard to catch her breath as she look around to make sure all her family was still with her. The fear stung her like nothing she’d ever known.

Then they heard it. They heard THEM entering the shop. Finally they heard everything being ransacked and demolished. Hank held his shotgun tight and kept it pointed up towards the door, plenty of shells for reload in his pocket.  The screams were terrifying, yet the fact that they were becoming fewer was even more disturbing. Kaylee had heard that Reavers didn’t kill their prey right away. Instead their victims were tortured and eaten alive, with their body parts being saved as souvenirs.

They were grateful that Kaylee had built this underground hideout last summer. She wanted a place to get away from everyone and everything. Never did she imagine she’d be hiding from the boogeyman.  Her friends and everyone else she knew were most likely dead, or wish they were as the reavers ate their flesh. Hank and Emma knew full well that they wouldn’t survive this, and tried their best to comfort their terrified children through to the end. It wouldn’t be long now.

*                                  *                                  *                                  *

“Dad?” Kaylee whispered.

“Yea, honey?”

“I think they’re gone. Do you think they’re gone?”

“God, I hope so. We’re not movin’ an inch for a long while though.”

Not a sound had come from anyone in the hideout until now. It was all Emma could take as she finally sobbed uncontrollably, holding her children tight. Hank motioned them to continue their silence.

“We’re gonna wait until I hear their ships take off. We’re not moving until then,” Hank whispered so quietly.

Emma nodded her head in acknowledgement All but Hank allowed themselves to relax a little. Hank, frozen as a statue, didn’t move a muscle and kept his gun pointed to the door. They stayed that way for hours before Hank finally lifted the trapdoor to inspect the area. He never did hear the sounds of the reaver’s ship taking off, but felt it was about time they come out of hiding.

The silence was unnerving. Could there be anyone else alive? So much of the town was on fire that it was pretty easy to find his way. Slowly he walked the main street to make sure the reavers had left. They had. It was over.

The rest of the Frye family emerged from hiding, grateful to be alive. Kyle was anxious to see the rest of the town. Kaylee just wanted to go home.

“Emma? Take the children home. I’m going to search for survivors.”

“Oh honey, please, please be careful,” Emma added.

“Don’t worry. They’re gone.”

Hank walked the streets, knocked on doors, and found nothing but silence. Nothing. No bodies. No one was left. The reavers had seen to that. But suddenly, he turned down an alleyway and almost shot his friend.

“God! You scared me!” His friend said. “Hank?”

Hank lowered his gun and embraced his friend. “Have you found anyone else?”

“Yea. There’s a few of us. Made it out to the fields behind the rocks.”

“Your family OK?” Hank asked.

“Yea, thank God.”

“Let’s keep searching. There’s got to be more,” Hank insisted.

“Let’s hope so,” his friend added.

Hank turned to find his family walking up behind him. Immediately frustrated, he told them to go home.

“Not a chance, Pa” Kaylee said. “We’re in this together. Kyle and I can help you search.”

Hank glanced over to Emma with disapproval.

“They insisted, and I agree. I think we should stick together on this.”

Kyle nodded his head in agreement as Kaylee turned to start walking back toward the town. “Let’s go,” she said firmly. “Our friends need our help.”

Hank was overcome with pride. He couldn’t believe how brave his children were. Especially his little Kaylee. He wasn’t sure how or when, but big things were going to come her way. Some day she would be a part of saving the galaxy. He just knew it.

The town would be eventually rebuilt, but for now, people rarely ventured back. Too many horrific memories to endure. The survivors moved into large tents made of canvass, and banned together in order to survive. Emma kept house just as she had before. Family supper was always right on time and their lives carried on. Most of Kaylee’s friends had been killed, and she spent much of her day feeling pretty lonely. Working on repairs with her father helped her pass the time. She had finally finished her scooter transport and found a soothing serenity while flying it. She’d never experienced such freedom and relished every moment.

It was mid-day and the harsh sun beat down on her. “Takin’ a break, Pa,“she shouted back to him. Yet she knew there was going to be a bright light in her future. There was just so much more to do. Someday she’d finally discover what it felt like to travel in to outer space. More importantly, she’d find a man for some much needed sex. She wasn’t sure which one was on the top of her list.

The End